God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.
Jurnaling,
Ok I had a bad night. I think I have not sank so low in a long time. I even wrote a good bye letter to my freinds here. (well I would have if I had theie E-mail) I have been having alot of physical problems and the stress of "waiting" I think got to me. Yesterday W recived some books she ordered to study for a possible job. Ok one of my pet peives that we will need to talk about if we stay together is this "she can order anything she wants and I need to ask issue... but that is down the road... Also Yesterday W Brought home the school Cookie order that my son had. I did not know anything about it. W did not order any of the cookies that I like. she said "well it has been sitting on the counter for a month" ya along with all of the other crap that is there, How was I supposed to know... I think she could have said "I am ordering some cookies do you want to look at the list?" AGIAN ordering things with out telling me.... Ok but this morning when she went shopping she did buy some penut butter cookies that I would have ordered. they are on the counter but she has not said anything so They are still there. They will stay there until she says something... So today I was feeling better so I did some work around the house. Re built a ramp on the side. ( It shoud be cemented but with lack of money and not knowing how long I will be here I just used some redwood I had.)
THEN son comes and tells me he almost had our dog in the tree house.. WHAT??? I told him NO.. don't get her up there.. she already has a bad hip is she fell we would not be able to take care of her. he said ok.... THEN I go in the back yard had here is the dog half way up the ladder to the tree house... I said SON WHAT DID I TELL YOU???? he said "I thought you just did not want her in the treee house, I thought the ladder would be Ok.." GRRRRRRRRRRRR. I told him if she got hurt bad agian we would have to put her to sleep. I don't want to do that and I am sure you don'e either... Please don't do it agian.... son "ok"... Ok now that I have the subject of son here.... Sara you would be proud of me.. Son has left his T.V on several times and I have just turned it off.AND.. Son and his friend have been up in the tree house singing andyellingat the top of their voices and I HAVE SAID NOTHING.. this is a total 180 for me. Ya I know they are just having a good time but I always used to concider the neighors and how much noise the boys were making. Now I will just wait until the neighors say someting then I will worry about it. ( I am griting my teeth thought) I ALSO make sure I turn MY T.V off even If I am just going to the bathroom. Ya I know a little over kill but since W brought it up...... W has been frustrated with "her" computer.... It became "hers" when she got the guilt trip about a year ago and talked me into buying this lap top.. I can still use "her" computer if I wanted to but I feel like I am going into someone else house when I do. Anyway she has been having problems with it.AGIAN Ya know.. I have been having health issues I think is related to the stress I am under but...... W has been having other problems...Problems that may be Karma related... I know I am sounding silly but...Sometimes things just do go right for her. I am sorry if I worried anyone that I e-mailed earlyer today.. I just have myself to talk to and sometimes I go crazy... Nephew has gone off of the deep end. I think he is taking this hard. He has been doing some heavy drinking and staying out late just to "Forget" He never called me last night.. I did drive by the bar we go to and he was not there so I drove by his "for sale" house and his truck was out front. I may try to go see him tomarrow when he is sober.. IF I HAVE TIME. I am going to work in the morning (4:00am) and when I get off I was going to swing by and pick up some sandwiches and pick up son and go Kite flying.. (if we have wind like today). My uncle still wants me to drive the tractor for him but I want to wait until after I go see the chiropractor on monday. WHat a day....I was so down last night....and now I feel ok in fact pretty good...Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Pisces February 19 - March 20 Communication is very important today -- written, spoken, and even nonverbal body language will all convey potent meanings. The people you'll be dealing with right now are tuned into you very closely -- even strangers will almost be able to finish your sentences. This means that you are probably going to be able to get an awful lot done in very little time, today. If you have been waiting for feedback from someone, call them today. They'll have an answer.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
(((Husband))) How were those peanut butter cookies?!?! I came by to catch up and was sad to hear you sounding down in the dumps. Sounds like you're back on the upward swing now. YOU ARE SPECIAL to a lot of people here!!!!!!
Saffie, I am so sorry to make you worry, I did not even think about what you have been through.I would never do anything to hurt my son, and "hurting" myself would hurt him. Thank you and sorry for the scare. I AM OK..
Today was alot better.On top of everything else I have not been getting much sleep becasue of the pain in my leg and arm. mean you can't turn anyway to get comfortable and it hurts to turn anyway.... IT's hell getting old.... anyway I slept good last night except I had a lady sleeping with me that is a bed hog. Nellie thinks it's her bed and I am just in the way. BUt I will tell ya this lady loves me no matter what I do... Did not get to go look at open houses with W (long story) but it was still a good day.
NOW Matti.....
THE COOKIES ARE FANTASTIC..... EVERY BITE seems like VICTORY.... Boy ya come to visit and I am having a psyhco day... Well I need to go pickout my "outfit" for work tomarrow... I need more compliments....
later gator
Manuel
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey Husband. Glad to see you still around. I know how it is to start feeling low and to feel ready to throw in the towel. As you seem to have witnessed, sometimes all it takes is getting things off your chest. I have been there quite a few times these past few weeks.
Great to hear about the cookies too - keep that in mind, along with the shampoo... What appear to be little gestures can actually be quite big. I think you're doing great!
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
I think I was really run down, I have not been sleeping very well with the sore back and arm, The pain pills and stress probley played into it also. I am going to start cutting back on the pill tommarow.
Jurnaling, Things are good today. I went to the ciropractor.... Well I feel a whole lot beter but I already made the appointment and I figured at least I would get to know him if It happened agian. Well First I saw his assiatant. Buatufull blond.. (good thing they did not ask me to take off my clothes). she touched me in places nobody has touched me in a long time. ON MY BACK. I mean she touched me on my back I was not lying on my back... Then the Doctor came in and he did some ultra sonic stuff to me.. I ask if his assiatant could come back and do it but he said no... the he pulls out this thing he called a "Clicker" Ya right... some thing that just clicks.... he clicked aound my back. He wants to see me agian in a week. I feel ok now but I will bo back one more time. Also he wants me to get a blood test becasue he thinks I may have Gout in my elbow. When I got home W wanted to know how it went and I told her. She then told me she made a ceaser salad and it is in the frig. if I wanted it.. W has cleaned out her computer and is starting to load it back up today. she does seem happy.. If I really think about it she seems alot happier that she was a year ago. I am afraid to look at the phone bill but I think I will need to soon. Only then can I be for sure that she has not talked to him. Imean I could ask her but.... I think If I look and find out they have brokec contact It will help me with my PMA on reconnecting. Of course if I see they have talked it will hurt. But it would hurt anyway if I asked her and she said yes... the "anaverery is next saturday" Wish me luck to get through this weekend. I MAY go campingwith my son. (Of of the driveway) out at the coast... we will see. If not this weekend maybe next..
Later
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Last night at bed time I put in my "The Secret" tape. It is a positive thinking tape. I have been having a hard time keeping positive thoughts lately. Anyway on my way to work this morning I was thinking how W has not heard anything from this job search place she is registered at. How my "anniversary" of the bomb is nest Saturday, And I was thinking about writing a letter to W about my feelings and that I know I told her I would not talk R until she got a job but I had to let my feeling be known. I would not expect a reply. Anyway I got a phone call from W at work. She told me she got a temp job offer in the next town but it would only be for two weeks. She asked me what I thought I said that's great. If necessary I can work swing shift and take son to school, it would give her some new stuff for her resume and get her back into the swing of things... She said it was kind of a hassle for only two weeks and what if something else full time came up? I told her it was up to her but she has my full support what ever she decides. She said she would think about it. So right when I was getting ready to go home I get another phone call. It's W again. she starts telling me about re loading things on her computer and when she loaded her micros Office she had a E mail from the other company she sent her resume into. (The strange thing about this company is the person she is supposed to contact has the same first name as my W and her last name is my son's name weird huh). Any way W called her and said she was sorry for not getting back to her sooner but her computer was down. The woman said no problem and is going to give my W a phone interview tomorrow. I told wife "see you are going to have to start turning them away". W getting this job is a good thing right now because they are cutting off my overtime at work. So with this new twist I am not going to write a letter. And on the anniversary of my "Bomb" son and I are going out to the coast for the day. I also made reservations for a real camping trip (off the drive way) for son and I the weekend after at the coast...
my reading for today:
The clarity you had about your feelings for someone is dissolving a little bit today, but have no fear. This confusion you will be experiencing is a totally normal part of the deliberation process. You have come across new information about them, and it is only natural that this revelation makes you think twice about who you thought they were. No one is perfect, so if you thought they were, you now know you were wrong. Can you still accept them, once you've seen their imperfections?
is the end near???
Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
