Soap Operas Have Nothing on This

[Jasmine01]

Hi all! I've been posting in the affairs section, but because my H said this weekend that he may see a lawyer soon to begin divorce proceedings, I figured I might as well come here.

Background info.: Fall of 2006, I had an EA. I felt miserable the whole time, and after three months I ended it. My H found out about it and was furious. I tried to comfort him/ show him I was sorry, etc. I thought things had gotten better, but apparently not. H began an affair with (prepare yourselves) my sister-in-law (my brother's wife, not H's sister; no amount of DBing could fix that) 06/08. She and my brother had been married less than three years at the time, and she had already had an affair lasting from 06/06-05/07. My brother had forgiven her, done what he could to save the marriage, but it didn't work.

My H moved out three weeks after I learned about the affair, and OW moved to the town where we live after my brother decided they would divorce. She had ended it with my H in hopes that my brother would forgive her again, stating that her lifestyle with him is more comfortable (he makes more money than my husband). OW moved in with her mother, and my H insisted they were not seeing each other. I saw no indication of it, but with us not living together I knew it was possible for it to be continuing.

I began DBing in January, and I did see some positive things. My H began calling to talk about trivial things, came over to our house more, act interested in my life, etc. I talked with him every few weeks about what decision he was going to make, how he was feeling about everything, etc. I realize that is not good Dbing, but R talk has been my biggest struggle.

This weekend, we drove to Connecticut to pick up a motorcycle he bought (we live in the South, so it's quite a road trip). We took our DS7 with us. The first night of traveling, he stayed at the truck while our son and I went into a restaurant for supper. He was in the truck for about ten minutes, and I just knew that he was talking to OW. And I was right. So I have tried to keep my anger and hurt to myself, although 12-hour days in a car have made that very difficult. He has said he may get a lawyer.

Now, perhaps the most important information. I'm sure everyone is sitting there thinking, And why would you want your marriage restored after your husband has been with your sister-in-law??? I have several reasons. I am very concerned for my children. They are so young, and I hate to think of them having to deal with their daddy dating/living with/marrying their aunt. I would prefer to remain married to him and deal with this rather than for them to have to be exposed to such a horrible thing. I also do not want to divorce because, as a Christian, I do not believe this will bring glory to God. And as a woman who married my best friend and has realized how much I love him, I want our marriage restored.

I suppose I want to hear from people about how they deal with finding out their spouse is going to pursue divorce. What things should I definately NOT do? What books (other than DB) do you recommend? Thanks so much for any advice. I realize this is a strange situation, but I don't want to look back on my marriage and wonder if there was anything I could have done to have saved it.

[Alone in Alabama]

I don't know? My wife left me for her married with two small children, 3rd cousin. She told me that it was okay in her mind to see her cousin, because they had not spent Christmas together or anything like that! WTF!