Sounds like there's a story there I haven't heard - what's the deal?
I have written about this before, and I spent some time looking for it, but I couldn't find it.
The story is...of course complex...but...
I was the first live child born to my mother, who carried the previous baby to term, then delivered a stillborn. My mom is one of the smartest people I know, but also she has numerous problems including high anxiety, OCD, narcissistic, psychologically abusive,and addictions. She loved being a mother and a homemaker, but was not really up to the task. I remember you talking about some of the problems in your family, and I think you might be interested to know she is French Canadian...
Anyways, for whatever the reason I rarely felt appreciated or safe at home. To top things off my parents went through a period of financial stress that just added tension to the home.
As a smart, caring and sensitive kid I thought that I was somehow causing some of the problems...(Your braces are so expensive, Why do you kids eat so much, and so on...)
I muddled along, not feeling very competent or happy until I was recognized for my unique talents by being one of only 3 girls from my school accepted into a Technology Magnet High School...the first year they opened the door to girls.
My freshman year was really the first year I felt valued in all my arenas...school, home, socially. I was really happy for the first time. But then, wouldn't you know it...My parents get into a fight with the landlord and we have to leave our North Side apartment. We end up moving to the Chicago suburbs, and I have to change schools. (A university town much like where I live now...) Instead of being a rare and valued member of an elite community I became just another face in the crowd. This actually was the disaster that pushed me over the edge. The school I transferred to was one where everyone had moved through the school system together. It was very hard to fit in. Classic High School cliques and MEAN GIRLS tricks were played on moi.
I fell in with a group of outcasts. Then one summer my parents went overseas to work on a political documentary. My dear sweet granny was in charge. The social situation with me and the "outcasts" intensified. Some of them started hitchhiking across the country. When my parents came back I decided to join them. I went hitchhiking across the country and saw the Mountains and the Ocean for the first time. I really had a blast actually and felt loved and accepted for being myself for the first time ever.
This was the summer between my junior and senior year. When I got back, I tried to return to high school, but that was extremely difficult. I wasn't worried tho. I had more than enough units to graduate and had been in full honors courses before that. I eventually took the GED...and went on to earn a Master's degree.
All of this background I think really helps me in my work with children from all backgrounds. And I am just now (at age 50) really getting a handle on how it all went down and what my role was.
This is part of what I was thinking of when I was talking about being pushed.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
That is quite an interesting past! And you had your adventures but at the same time did everything very responsibly... And of course you have an extra gear in your brain so you could have fun and things still fell into place.
Sigh...you are also plagued by striving for perfection - aren't you...
What a busy week! I go through periods where I feel like I am not very productive...but then I look at what I actually did and I find that I can pat myself on the back. Post D life has been good for the most part... I enjoy my days, my dog, my friends. I have a busy social calendar. I enjoy my work...
But some things have been hard. It is very difficult to maintain a home and yard by oneself. I have been trying to find a good gardener to help my with the weed patch known as my front yard. I like to hire teenagers and give them a little pocket money. Just like with babysitters, there is a short window of time where they will work out. Then there is the flake factor.
I had one boy who did a really nice job cleaning up the front yard, but then he fell off the face of the earth and didn't return my calls. So I started calling around, when the son of one of my friends called me! This kid is a real go getter, and I think I will be able to use him all season. It is amazing how having the yard look good takes such a load off my mind...
Like others here, I have been struggling to have an appropriate income post D. I have been working, and busy, and doing a lot of work in my field, but the good, full time job with benefits has been elusive. I have been slowly building up some consulting income, but it isn't enough. I have now started to look at jobs that are outside of my field, but might be a good fit and help pay the bills. It is a terrible time to be an educator in California!
We are really in a depression around here. We have the highest foreclosure rate in the nation. I am trying not to get scared about the state of things, but it is difficult.
Additionally, they are now recommending that we stockpile food. I will be planting my victory garden this summer.
Well, on the bright side of things, I am enjoying my hooping class! I have learned a few new moves, including something called the Wild West!
Didn't get to see S this week because of a schedule conflict, but will see him next week, I hope!
No contact from CG this week, either. I am not surprised. He has been with the kids and goes out of town this weekend and will be busy until the middle of next week. But "No Expectations", Right?
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I realize that. However just having news like that "in the air" adds to my personal growing sense that things are not going in a positive direction. The Fox news story isn't the only one...I have heard quite a buzz about this on local radio, etc.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Life sure is interesting. I am currently enjoying a little "break" in contact from CG. This is going well, actually. I am not sure if it is because of something I will discuss shortly, or because I am more "detached" and therefor less obsessed with something someone else is doing...
One of the reasons we are told to GAL in DB is just this ...My life truly is very busy and rewarding.
Yesterday I did my dog training class w/ Argo. The puppy was a star of the class! We both got lots of praise and treats! At the end of class I had a nice conversation with a man w/ a German Shorthair. It is silly, but I feel much more comfortable striking up conversation w/ men...I am not sure if it is confidence or what. Just a change from several years ago before and during the bomb. I think we are pretty close to being able to compete in Rally...I need to get back in touch w/ that person Pam steered me to...(Phone tag, Pammie!)
We have been doing play training at home and then the basic manners class which was what we do on Saturdays. Argo can Sit, Down, Long Down Stay, Long Sit Stay, Come, Heel, Front Cross, Inside turn Right or Left, Outside turn Right or Left, Find it, Bring it, Drop it, Shake, Catch, Roll over. Getting much better at allowing friendly strangers to pet and approach, also much better at not lunging at other dogs when walking on the leash.
So back to the talking to guys thing. Then last night I had to go to a party...I was NOT looking forward to it, I thought that the guest list would have been way too many politicos for my taste...BUT...
When I got there I knew nobody. I socialized for a bit, then one guest showed up. I knew he was going to be there because we both are on a committee with the host (my main connection). I had a few things I wanted to talk to him about regarding our neighborhood school. We ended up talking and sitting next to each other for dinner...I hadn't realized that he and his wife are no longer together. I know his kids, taught all 3 of them. Anyway, nothing romantic, just good plain fun and conversation with a man...big step, seems to me!
Somehow I think I am just way more open to even talking to men. This is a change that came about gradually. I am in many ways a shy person... Social situations where I don't know anybody usually make my skin crawl...but I survived the party and actually had a good time.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I've not posted to you, but just had to say what a happy and hopeful post this was. Congratulations on Argo's success...you have REALLY inspired me to get my canine terrorist, MacGyver, into training ASAP!
It takes awhile for us to realize that our "worth" is not dependant upon any man. That's where your comfort level is coming from regarding talking with men these days, I think.
It's great to hear that your life is going so well and Argo "the wonder dog" is "obeying" the rules. My dog, Nelson, was the only dog who flunked obedience class. He will do all the commands at any other place but was just too distracted in class with all the other dogs, smells, etc. He's a bassett/beagle mix and definitely has a mind of his own. And....don't even think about trying to control him if he sees a rabbit!!!!
I remember you talking about some of the problems in your family, and I think you might be interested to know she is French Canadian...
We both got lots of praise and treats! 
At the end of class I had a nice conversation with a man w/ a German Shorthair. It is silly, but I feel much more comfortable striking up conversation w/ men...I am not sure if it is confidence or what. Just a change from several years ago before and during the bomb. I think we are pretty close to being able to compete in Rally...I need to get back in touch w/ that person Pam steered me to...(Phone tag, Pammie!)