Supermom and the Brighter Tomorrow

[JennyF]

SuperMom meets Cookie Chick #6

Here goes #7.

I had hoped that if I made it to 7 threads that it would be in piecing...instead it looks like I'm on the fast track to D. And I've accepted it. I won't say that I still don't want to save my marriage, I do. But I can't do anything more. It's in the sit back and let it play out stage and I have to move forward with my life.
I've accepted it....for the most part and the next month for me is going to be intense.
I've got to put my house up for sale & find a new one & finalize custody negotiations. I can't do this properly if my head isn't in it and to do that I need to be fully present in the sitch and not trying to figure out if what I'm doing is making a difference or not.
Having said that, I'm also hoping that being at this point is the point where so many of the success stories said they were before they finally started to see changes.
But I'm also optimistic about my life without H. I can start to see a future for myself and my kids. A brighter tomorrow is possible and I can make it happen.
I'm ready for it!

Nothing new to report from my last post. I'm going to be speaking to a moderator today so hopefully I can get some answers.
Hope you're all having a bright today!
J~

[phbear316]

Jenny

You sound so wonderful and so strong. You are such an inspiration. I wish i had 1/4 of your strength. You are amazing
woman strong and spirited.


keep us updated with the moderator,


(hugs)
bear

[JokerMan]

Wow Jen. Just read up on your sit. Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't offer up to much other than to lift you up. You are Supermom, but you are weak too. You are tough, but you feel vulnerable...and you are.

Sometimes the toughest thing to do is wave the white flag and come up with a new game plan. It's a pride thing I guess.

My two cents is to take a step back. Give up and regather. Take a deep breath and focus on you and your kids. At this point that's what matters. But you will only be "supermom" if you give to yourself and stop worrying about being "supermom". Does that make sense???

Sometimes you have to be selfish and reevaluate to give to others. You will be superduper mom when you give yourself some time for you and focus on you.

Hope you see the point. It's easy to get in the martyr mentality. I've been there.

Do yourself a favor and do yourself a favor.

[JennyF]

Bear...you're always so sweet. Thanks.

JokerMan,
Thanks for stopping by and for the input.

Trust me, Supermom is a title already earned and I have no problem saying that :-). It's not something I'm trying to live up to. I'm not trying to give the illusion that I am some super tough person, I am vulnerable. And because I have to some make some tough decisions right now, it is important that I find it myself to NOT allow that vulnerablity open me up to being steam rolled. This is not pride, but for the first time in a long long long long time, I'm feeling confident.

Not sure how up you are on my sitch, but I'd like it if you could elaborate on your martyr comment?
I do not want to be defensive but would really like to know what you mean as it pertains to my sitch?
Thanks.
J~

[JennyF]

I'm feeling spent right now. This week is so draining and it's only Tuesday.
H has been a real jerk. Last night he agreed to do mediation, then somewhere between 5PM last night and 9:30 this morning he said he talked to his L and he doesn't want to now. He said he isn't budging so it has to go to court. That nothing a mediator can say will change his mind. I have no idea what his L is telling him, but he doesn't have a hope in he!! of winning in court. I'm trying to save us both a lot of time and money but he just doesn't get it. He said he would speak to the mediator anyway and she is supposed to be calling him tonight.
She is a really great woman who assured me I'm being more than reasonable in fact generous. I was worried that speaking to me first H might think she was bias so she stopped doing the initial consult (called 'intake') with me and said she try to speak to him to see if she could make a difference.
Tomorrow I have a real estate agent coming to look at the house and give us a ballpark appraisal. Thursday I meet with the bank about some paperwork for the financials plus I have a Dr's appmt because I'm having a lot of pain in my breasts and may be dealing with yeast problems again as I did with my D. I hope not because if that is the case it could cut my nursing short. I know there is a lot I could do with meds and LaLeche League and all that. But I'm losing energy fast. Not to mention weight. Even my new jeans are too big now and I'm getting worried that the nursing is taking a lot out of me. But giving it up also gives H more ammunition to take him overnight.
The thing is that I'm not opposed to H taking him for 1 overnight every 2 weeks, but I can't even give him that until we come to an agreement.
I wonder if H has even told his lawyer about my proposal? I don't think so because if he had I'm pretty sure that his L would tell him it's worth taking.
My goal was to nurse until S was 6 months and that's in 3 weeks so we'll see. Wow. I can't believe it's been 6 months already.

H has been so angry with me and has been making terrible comments about how he is broke and supporting me. I should go back to work. Blah blah blah. I try not to take it personally, but it is difficult at times.
I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now.
The good news is that I have one cleaning session left (from my generous sisters gift) and she is coming in the morning. So the house will be in good shape for the real estate agent. I just have a lot of tidying to do tonight and S is just now falling asleep.

Well I better get to tidying...kitty litter is first! Doesn't that sound like fun??
J~

[blindsided1]

Jenny, we are all here for you. It sounds like your H is possibly scaring you (with going to court) into giving more as far as custody goes. I don't know the entire sitch, but it seems odd that he is so determined to have, is it 50/50 or 60/40? I can't remember, sorry. Stand your ground and don't be bullied. I know you can do that. I've seen it in you time and time again. This week will be over and those hurdles will be jumped. There will be more hurdles, obviously, but I have total faith in you and your ability. You're a very smart woman and you are extremely level headed. Keep me posted. And, again thanks for the 2 X 4's on my thread. They helped.

[redhottie]

Jenny,
I am proud of how strong you continue to be. I wish I had half the courage you do.

[JennyF]

Well I said this was going to be an intense week. I'll try to sum this up quickly...
I met with a real estate agent who appraised the house about 20 - 30,000 cheaper than what H thought (it is closer to what I thought it would be).
This generally means that we won't have any equity once the mortgage penalty and commissions are paid.

I told H this and he just shrugged and asked if I told her to list it. I said NO. I told him we still don't have the financials done that I told him had to be done in order to proceed. Duh.
So as he's packing up S, I asked him if he spoke to the mediator. He said yes and it doesn't matter because he's not doing it. He said we're going to court and trial and he doesn't care how much it costs. I asked him if he told his L about what I proposed to him and he said yes. I can't figure out why his L isn't jumping on this??
He is being a real A$$ to me and I said, is this how it's going to be? Are you just going to keep being a prick to me? He said...yep. I'm mad at you. I said, because I won't give you what you want? Because I don't agree it's in our children's best interest? I said I'm mad at you for leaving me at 8 months pregnant but I'm still trying to be amicable. I said but you're just going to continue to be mean and rude to me. He said yes. He said he tried the nice way, I said...you did? He said yes, that I don't see anything of what he's done. I said you don't see what I've done either...he said, and I quote..."F#@K YOU" and he walked out the door.
He dropped something and when I went to give it to him I just looked at him and said...who the hell are you? and I walked back in the house.

WTF??? I don't get it. I told my L and she said that he may be trying to bully me into changing my mind.
I'm at a complete loss as to how someone can do what he has done to me and be this angry at me. His perception of himself disgustingly skewed.
I don't want to go to court. I think I've been more than generous with my compromise but in my heart I know what he wants is NOT what is best for the kids especially for the baby. So in my own good conscience I can't allow it. I've tried to come to some compromise but he just won't budge. So it's going to have to go to court.
Man this sucks.
J~

[blindsided1]

Jenny,
I agree with your L. I think I even suggested that in my post last night. He IS being a bully. Let him throw his tantrum. Basically, I look at it this way: if you give in and give him what he wants, knowing it's NOT what you want or right, for that matter, HE gets what he wants and you get hurt. If you stand your ground, you at least have a chance at getting what is the best solution. And, if H is pissed off, too F'ING BAD!!! He'll get over it. You have every right to stand up for what you believe whether he likes it or not. Good for you. I don't understand why they think they can run off, hurt people that love them and have everything work out the way THEY want. Don't fret, one day he'll realize what an a$$ he's been and how much he hurt you. I promise you this. Just like I know one day my H will also. I just don't have a clue as to when that day may be.

[kml]

Just remember, anger is guilt turned outwards. I'm guessing he's feeling pretty guilty; to cover it, he has o pick fights with you.

Ellie