Still in love with my waw....after divorce

[No_More_Dodo]

So here I sit. More calm, happier and I can see a future that will be GREAT without her. And all I have to do is take one step at a time and watch the pieces fall into place. Yeah, it wont be easy. It will hurt at times. Ill get burned and rejected again. Ill have to stick my neck out and take chances. But thats life. At least I know the women out there cant do ANYTHING worse than what my ex did

Bill_S,

You are right...... I can tell you without fail.... It is VERY painful.... I have sooooooooo been there...... You may crash and burn in other Rs........ That is life..... Try.... Fail... Fall flat on your face..... Get up..... Try again.....

I love the fact I am married to an awesome woman waaaaaaayyyyyyyy beyond what my exW could ever hope to be....... She loves and adores me for who I REALLY am....... She said something last night..... She said, "Honey, if your Dad were here right now, he would so proud of the man you are. NOT the success as far as your career and money go.. But for the man you are inside and your character." That was so moving........

My exW can have whatever life she chooses....... She has to live with what she did.... How she treated someone who loved her so much.... ALL of the rude and cruel things she said.... How she broke her vows she made before God..... Last... She will have to live with the regret of all of this.... For the next forty or so years.......

Take Care,

NMD

[Bill_S]

NMD,
I know. But at times it still gnaws at my heart. She took shots at everything. Used me, lied and cheated and I still forgave her. I still wanted to try. She gave up. I think somewhere inside she regrets it. Thats why she drinks and focuses her attention on her bf. Its easier for her to forget than to change. Im the object of her guilt after all. Oh well ...... Life goes on. I would just prefer to find someone sooner rather than later. But I guess that was her philosophy and look where it got us.

Bill

[germ04]

Bill,
I still hate that feeling. And I don't know about you but there is still a big part of me that doesn't feel right to completely close the door on the M either. I know I am divorced already but according to my church, I am still married in the church's eyes. So I don't know if that hurt is a testament to our character of standing for our commitment or if we are just messed up people who can't move on. Either way, I think its better than just being able to move on without feeling bad about it. Dare I say, "we're better than that"?

[Chevelle]

Bill,
I still hate that feeling. And I don't know about you but there is still a big part of me that doesn't feel right to completely close the door on the M either. I know I am divorced already but according to my church, I am still married in the church's eyes. So I don't know if that hurt is a testament to our character of standing for our commitment or if we are just messed up people who can't move on. Either way, I think its better than just being able to move on without feeling bad about it. Dare I say, "we're better than that"?

Hey guys...hope everything is going well with ya.

In a response to what you said, germ, I felt the same way with the thinking that in essence my STBXW and I will always be M in God's eyes....let me say this...

The Bible does have provisions like that, but also says that while God hates divorce, if He sees that you stood for your M only for her not to come back, God will grant you a "pardon" in your M. He knows what happened, and won't let us be unhappy...but he will help us see what went wrong and show us we can move on without penalty from Him. My sitch is simple...John said in the Bible God grants divorce in the case of fornification...enuff said for me.

I only say that based on my sitch, and I say that because I prayed a long time for my M to be restored, for her to wake up...yada yada yada. She wants no part, hell, she is already talking M with the OM, and its only been 4 months, and we wont be D until July!


You might not be ready to completely close the door, thats fine. I had to go through all my emotions before I could be rational let alone move on. Took me almost 18 months...now I am finally dating a woman who was down the same road as me, and we understand a little more what it takes...so we will see.

Bill, good to see you are doing well. Yes, I still get the twinges too. They are few and far between but still there. That woman still gets to me sometimes and probably always will, but when I remember what she did and how easily I thought she threw away a lifelong commitment when she knows I bacame the man I should have been, I feel better knowing I could have done nothing more and someone else will reap the benefits.

Sorry if I havent been on, life has been good albeit the little ups and downs. I will try to stick around if anyone needs any help, I will do my best..

God Bless

Chevelle

[agent86]

Hi every one, I am sorry if this is not the right place to post a new (yet familiar) story line.
my wife left 7 months ago and has not (seemingly) looked back.
we have 3 children, 15,20 and 23 (all at home with me)...and she was a good mother, a lot of investment in their (and my) up-bringing, but went from descent (yet some what impatient) mother and wife to a women who has been so very mean (so many nasty stories) a (denied) EA and now living with OM.
I still love her, we were together 27 years and were (what I thought) a very nice couple, other man seems nasty, has a terrible track history but lots of money.
no real question here accept, what do I reveal here? I am comfortable with letting it all out but I don't see every one else letting us in on the nasties, so I am thinking I am posting in the wrong place...I would like thoughts on forgiving, accepting and whether it is truley over or in fact is there any hope (in that I feel she has given up so much and I feel I am a very good and moral guy ...plus very much more).

[naej]

Hi agent86, you need to start your own thread and the best place is over on Newcomers.
Go to the top of the page and check out forum then you will see Newcomers. You start a thread with your own title and then make your own post where people can reply to you and you can make furthur posts under the same thread title. It makes it easier for you and for others to find you when they want to reply.
You will also get more traffic on Newcomers.

[naej]

Forgot to add you can copy your post here on Bills thread and just paste in it to save you having to retype.
Hope that was clear and helps.

[Bill_S]

agent86,

Feel free to post whatever you want here too or even email me. Im not online as much as I used to be but Ill check out your thread and help however I can.



germo4,

So I don't know if that hurt is a testament to our character of standing for our commitment or if we are just messed up people who can't move on. Either way, I think its better than just being able to move on without feeling bad about it. Dare I say, "we're better than that"?

I agree. The hurt is a PROUD testment. While others gave up, turned there backs and walked away, seemingly without feeling, we kept trying. We never let anything "shut down" our feelings. But maybe thats women. Ive always been told once they stop loving you its over, period. But I dont think thats entirely true. I always saw little glimmers of hope from her. But its over now. Theres a "quiet nobility" in suffering. We dont just go thru the motions and fake it to look good or smooth things over until we get our way. We honestly want a make things better. So remeber the nobility in your heart. And chevelle is right about your ex cheating. From what my Pastor told me its the one thing that truly severs the bond in Gods eyes. Not that its a clean cut without pain. So we can move on when we are ready with a clear heart.


Chevelle,

Yes...going thru all those emotions is the worst part I think. Especially when you think you are finally done and something new pops up. I still sometimes feel a twinge of pain over her. But now its pretty much about the family thats gone now. Im still alone and maybe thats for the best right now. At least Ill be able to focus on the things that need fixing. And I do still get angry when I think about what she threw away. Especially for someone who most likely will drop her at some point. But thats her choice and Ill make the best of it.


Theres nowhere to go but up!

Bill

[Chevelle]

Theres nowhere to go but up!

Bill

Thats a good point, I don't think I could be any lower in my life than I was for that year and change I went through wondering why she didnt love me anymore and watching her destroy any integrity she had while we were M. Hope she is happy....my D already went through! I became D on 5/30....wow, now I think I will see in the coming times God really showing me where my faith has gotten me to....cant wait!

Besides, she got what she wanted...and even though I didn't get married to get divorced, it is what it is, and I am dealing....

God Bless

Chevelle

[Bill_S]

Chevelle,

Its funny. She never wanted divorce. Promised to NEVER cheat or be like she was at the end of her first divorce. She said she was in it forever. Wanted to work on things, especially after her first affair. Said lots of nice things too. But what happened?

On sunday I talked with her dad about a business and we ended up talking about attitude and negative people, the future etc. At some point she came up. He told me "Dont expect rational responses from an irrational person" WOW. And he said at first he was worried I was out to get her like her first ex. But not now. Sees growth and change. In her too but MUCH slower than me. Good compliment. At least they understand why I struggled over the last year.

My son said good 'ol mom refused to give him some chocolate chips because they were going into a desert for her boyfriend. Shes been gone since friday with him. And when he was hungry she told him to call me so I could feed him. He feels like this guy is more important than him! Ive tried to talk to her about this stuff but her fun is more important and Im just "controlling her". She promised her son she would be home by midnight and NEVER came back. I trusted her even though she was nasty to me that night. So instead of 2 hours alone (they are 10 and 12) with 2 friends staying over, it was another all nighter. The next day I texted and told her it was wrong and she responded she cried all day because she did it and told the kids she was sorry. She wants to be a good mom again but wants to spend the night with this guy at "our" house or his. So the lifestyle wins out again. She even yelled at my son for the living room being messy (she was gone for 3 days) and if he doesnt make sure the house is clean before she comes home(bf doesnt like her messy house) she wont feed him (I feed him,and hers too)! He said when hes hungry its either get it yourself,call your dad or ignored. But when her bf wants food shes up to fix something or get something. Talk about burning bridges! She just doesnt see what shes doing! He wants to live with me even more.

Just frustrates the crap out of me. And now shes being snotty. Her d17 has had her boyfriend spend the night twice and I texted her mom. Said i wasnt getting involved and told her dad (ex's) about it so she would have some backup. Then I dropped it. Now Im dirt again.Either things arent going well with her bf or she thinks Im messing with her life.

Shes on the Bi-Polar express again! And as usual everyone else suffers.