you can't cut ALL contact but you have control over the damaging contact. I'm trying a 90% cut and I'm starting to feel better....slowly. Its a load off of me! Can you believe all the contact on Monday from her! Really makes me wonder. My ex is in a long term(9 months?) relationship and I guess he's nothing like me. He's her dad, just screwed up and damaged! They have something in common:) For her this is at least number 3. And I do miss her but cutting the ties for a time is the only way I'll heal.
Cutting ties is different for everyone. Sometimes it helps and sometimes. It really depends on you.
Its one day at a time.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1230087 Me 35 w 42 4 sk 12-21 our s10 m10 t14 '02 ILUBNILWY 12/24/05 pa 02/07 pa separated 1/07-3/07 asked 4 D 3/07
I honestly , Bill, think that is a rhetorical question. For me, basically eliminating all contact other than D talks and kids talk..has helped me tremendously. I really don't want to talk to her unless I have to. I procrastinate with answering voicemails and such. Furthermore, its not a point of staying away to make myself feel better anymore....it's a case of giving her what she wants and actually enjoying my life without her turmoil in it. I have found that keeping of her grass and life has been a positive influence, since I dont focus on anything she does, only me....THE WHOLE QUEST OF DBING!
You have to do what works..and I mean try both. Try staying away altogether and see what happens. If nothing changes, try brief contact or see what her actions are when you see her or she calls you. YOU have to be the one to decide. I could be tottaly wrong on both counts and something you didnt think of accidentally might work. It really is a trial-and-error thing. But if you want her back, you have to at least do the "fake it till you make it". You will read a lot of stories on here about a LBS who gives up completely, then the WAS decides she wants back in the door....a lot to think about, for sure.
Again for me, I can't watch paint dry, and STBXW made it crystal clear she doesnt want in now. So I made the decision to move on with my life. Regardless of what you do, keep in mind..you control you, nobody else. So whatever happens, good and bad, you make yourself how you feel and how you heal.
Now, do I think she will come back? I don't at this moment..could be a long time before its entertained at all. But I can't predict the future...hell, Bill, I swore I wouldnt want her back, or anyone for that matter, if she had an A. But I did, so I cant say anything is set in stone anymore based on the premise of current states-of-mind..and how they can change.
One thing she does now....calls me and says.."Hi Chevelle, this is STBXW.." WTF? Like after 10 years together, she has to get all professional on me and treat me like a client? Sorry, that is childish and immature to me.
As far as OM..its the same one I have mentioned in the last posts..STBXW has been dating him since April 1. This is supposed to be the "new H"..as least thats what I get from it.
Now my kids tell me, she has done this with all the others..and all failed. Now, I think if anything happens, it will be because of her messing it up. This OM is the old me inside and out...very quiet and very much an ass-kisser..lol..this is what she has wnated..good luck with that.
One thing she does now....calls me and says.."Hi Chevelle, this is STBXW.." WTF? Like after 10 years together, she has to get all professional on me and treat me like a client? Sorry, that is childish and immature to me.
Chevelle,
That is so interesting. It reminds of of when exWAW called about some stupid $20 medical insurance copay. She called when she knew I would be at work (she still had my old cell phone #), FAILED to block her new home phone number (on purpose) and leaves a message starting with "Hello, this is exWAW. I got a bill from......." Prior to this, she did EVERYTHING via e-mail.... I guess telling former BIL my new GF was coming in to town for the weekend rattled her tree a bit!
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Hi guys. I know I've enabled her for years. Ive learned my lesson. Thats why I cut my contact to almost zero I'm not her friend. Telling me about her bf and their R problems is beyond cruel. And why the stupid contacts from ex? She's talked to me and joked several times, started a stupid text conversation, asked me to come in to look for an odd smell, came out to my car to show me something (in the rain!) and a few others since I backed off less than a week ago. Why do they do this???
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1230087 Me 35 w 42 4 sk 12-21 our s10 m10 t14 '02 ILUBNILWY 12/24/05 pa 02/07 pa separated 1/07-3/07 asked 4 D 3/07
I dont have to worry about that. With her and her dream man OM...she dont need me anyomre for much, which I am okay with.
Besides, she still points out the past to me....today she let me know she has gone on motorcycle rides with OM...going 180 mph and such. Lets me know subtely how boring it was with me..whatever.
Just because I dont stunt ride motorcycles, im boring. OK.I get it..lmao.
Thats why I got a 68 Chevelle, and it was long before her..hence my SN.
Ah, I was wondering - that's where the name comes from. I had a good friend with a 1970 chevelle. It was a blast to ride around in that car, until the timing belt broke on the freeway.
Well its done. I don't know how people have parties after these things. I never will understand it. Every other event in my life, I feel a sense of peace, excitement or at least understanding when its over. This, not so much. I am still at a loss. My life has changed so much in just a few months. I am still not sure how I am going to get by long term. I feel like I am just pretending that she is on a long trip, just probably not coming back. Because its gotten to the point that even if she ever did, I think I would now have to sacrifice a relationship with my entire family because they would disown me. No contact, no remorse, no sorry. Just nothing. But this is apparantly her. The woman that I committed to spending the rest of my life with. I guess I'm still in the shocked phase of recovery.
Well its done. I don't know how people have parties after these things. I never will understand it. Every other event in my life, I feel a sense of peace, excitement or at least understanding when its over. This, not so much. I am still at a loss. My life has changed so much in just a few months. I am still not sure how I am going to get by long term. I feel like I am just pretending that she is on a long trip, just probably not coming back. Because its gotten to the point that even if she ever did, I think I would now have to sacrifice a relationship with my entire family because they would disown me. No contact, no remorse, no sorry. Just nothing. But this is apparantly her. The woman that I committed to spending the rest of my life with. I guess I'm still in the shocked phase of recovery.
germ04,
I am really sorry about that. For the first few months post D, I was wondering around like a zombie. Looking back now, I realize God had me in the palm of His hand. I could think of no other way I would have made it through that time.
I know how hard this is. You need to allow yourself time to deal with this. You need to take time to relax and figure out what makes you happy.
I wish there was something more I could say......
I will pray for both of you.
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 04/18/0812:26 AM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
