I just meditated and I feel my message is to keep going to leave H behind and move on with life
Hi peace,
I can't remember what childhood issues your H has/may have that could have contributed to his MLC. In my case, I think that my H is really suffering from the effects of emotional abandonment by his father. Even though I have no idea how that must feel, I understand that H has suffered from this for a long time - I have a lot of sympathy for him. But what you said above is entirely correct - you can't allow what your H is going through to pull you down too. This is his mess to figure out and we can't help them - especially if they don't want our help. All we can do is not make it worse.
Keep on going so that you can be someone your H looks up to and sees as a source of strength and maybe even inspiration. It may help give him the courage he needs to face his own demons.
In my case, I think that my H is really suffering from the effects of emotional abandonment by his father.
I have cause to believe my H was emotionally abandoned by his mother...and subsequently now he feels like he has issues with women and control. Let me know if you figure out anything more about this.
He seems as if he didnt hear me the other day.. everything is all friendly again I dont know what to make of it all I think he goes in denial
I wonder if his inability to communicate effectively what is in his head just makes him let it go....then it's easy to come back later and act as if nothing was said. Esp. if it isn't something they want to deal with.
Grace I dont know how they block it out what they dont want to know or hear somehow maybe they deny its true like H said the other day he felt controlled in M and he lost himself so he can justify at least for the moment the hurt he caused b/c he felt controlled / and lost and that was my fault so he thinks my H also comes from a D family I never even met/spoke with his dad His mom had several bF after D and took all the kids to another state I never really knew what happened with his parents But his mother was very critical and contolling and H definitely has issues with women and I dont think he trusts men either peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, It's great that your H was being friendly to you.
Quote:
He seems as if he didnt hear me the other day.. everything is all friendly again I dont know what to make of it all I think he goes in denial
Is it possible that he did hear you and is actually making the effort to improve the R between him and you?
From reading your later post about him having a controlling mother, I can see why he was wary of that. The strange thing is people tend to become attracted to people who remind them of their parent(s). Is it possible that he's so wary of it that he's overly sensitive to anything hat is remotely close to being controlling? With time, I am sure he will notice your new approach to the M and feel more comfortable with you. -PH
PH Yes it is possible that H wants to keep things friendly between us The other day when I said how I felt and I reminded him thst I live here and He needs to be the one to leave..I could see hwe was amazesd that i could be the one to ask him to leave and I did maybe it reminded him that I dont have to agree to his visitation rules..That I could choose to not allow him in my home I also felt that I have seen 2 positives this week 1. He called yesterday and we connected for a 30 minute talk 2. Sunday , he was playful with kids and set a video boundry and it could mean nothing just a good day but either way I hope my H can eventually become a more available present dad..one that interacts with kids not just watches tv or goes to gameroom
also I am sticking to my plan as i feel it is right I am going to keep going /detaching and I will observe for any changes that indicate H is moving somewhere /anywhere I will not pursue or initaiate much contact, but I will continue to be available if H would like contact for now pray, take care of me, meditate and listen, and trust myself and let H go thanks for listening peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace, you really sound like you have a good plan it seems like your talk with him was a good thing in the bigger scheme of things stay strong! (((hugs)))
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
I got your message and just wanted to pop in and let you know I will try to read through what's going on.
Things are busy right now, as we've lost almost everyone in the department and are running around like headless chickens trying to keep up. And I've been too busy to read threads because I'm trying to spend my spare time (okay I don't really have any!) writing.
It will be quite some time until we hire people and our maternity leave person returns.
If I don't respond here or by email, feel free to email again.
Hey there peace- Wow, 2 positives in a week! I think your "talk" may have done a little good. Just keep observing...and give your H positive feedback if you can.
Something I observed with my H that I thought was interesting was when my H came to my father's St.Patrick's Day party, he was very friendly to my step-mother. Now just a few weeks before, she told him that he was being an a$$ and that he need to grow up and have his MLC when he hit midlife. I think in some way he respected her (subconsciously) for standing up to him. Do you think that your H might have appreciated you taking a stand? Just a thought.
I think your plan sounds good too. I have been trying to meditate and pray more. It does help.
RCR Thanks for visiting hope things settle down at work I am going to email you tonight
UD I dont know what it is H came tonight and he seemed very talkative and this is a lot of talking for him this week but he seems to always have the same work problems he seems very willing and wanting to share it all after all these years, I have finally figured out how to talk/listen to H and he usually responds well
my friend says H wants to keep things status Quo so her opinion is: He moved closer to make sure I wasnt going to change things here He likes coming and going as he pleases and to have my attention when he visits I was thinking of telling him we are busy friday..just to change it up 180 for me and change his visitation this week I think it is a good idea? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
