What is the collective wisdom of those that are separated regarding meeting with WAW to discuss the "business" of separation?
My WAW and I are supporting separate households and splitting the expenses of our 17,20 S. We are meeting tonight to discuss the expenses we have each paid for the past 8 weeks for things like clothing, inusrance, tuition and the like. I have seen that these meetings can be a way to see each other while not being pressured to talk about the R.
My WAW never really paid attention to the finances and I sense she is becoming increasingly nervous about supporting herself and the true cost of "being on her own". She will probably end up owing me about $1,000 due to the difference in what we have each spent.
I would in a heartbeat tell her not to worry about paying me if I thought it would help us to reconnect but I also feel that she needs to be more aware of the implications involved in her decision to separate. Is there a way I can apply DB principles to this situation?
M-47 WAW-48 M-22 Together-26 S 17, 19 S-1.7.08 D Filed by her 11.21.08
I had a meeting of this sort with my W some weeks back and it can be quite productive. Keep it businesslike and as emotionless as possible. Best to do it on neutral ground. Do not let her off the $1K but do not insist on immediate payment unless she has the funds or offers. You do not want to set a precident. Keep R talk out of it if you can.
The meeting I had actual shook my W up a bit as I had thought about the future a lot more than her and she was not ready to discuss some of what I brought up.
a)request another continuance (one was granted 2.5.08) or b)set a settlement date to conclude D filed by WAW.
WAW and I are not speaking as much as we did during the early stages of S. I am fairly confident there is OM in the picture and I have been keeping to myself-GAL and looking after my 17S.
We have not told the children that a D was filed (by WAW on 11.21.07), only that we are separated and working on the M. Many people familiar with my situation have pressured me to tell the children the truth-that W has filed. I feel like I need to ask WAW what she wants before I go to court and that our children need to know the truth. I suspect her involvement with OM is increasing as her communication with me and involvement with our S is declining.
This will definitely put pressure on her and force the issue. I am not even sure she knows about the upcoming court date. Does this violate DB tactics to not do anything that will move the D forward? I will need to know her wishes prior to going to court either way.
