WAW- No longer a Newbie

[kiwi000]

My sitch in brief;

- WAW drops bomb June 15 2006, day after I return homew from month long business trip in China.
- I discover OM about the same time
- WAW tells outrageous lies about why she walked away, usually about me
- WAW demands I leave the house. Bad decision on my part but I did
- WAW has diagnosis of Post Natal Depression after her family intervene. Won't take treatment
- I find DB early and use it, keep my cool and act with good grace. That was good then and is even better now.
- I GAL, lose weight, find myself
- DBing starts to work at about 3 months, WAW starts talking about reconciliation
- Nanny finds WAW in bed with OM early December
- WAW now hostile and angry. Blames me for everything

I vaccilate between continuing DBing and just letting the whole thing go. We both made our wedding vows in front of God, family and friends and fidelity wasn't and isn't negotiable for me.

So I don't know if I am really DBing or not? I've done 180s and they are good for me, I have GAL and 50% of the time I wish we could find a way to reconcile. The other 50% of the time I don't know how I could ever trust WAW again.

[C_K]

Welcome over fellow Kiwi.

I lost touch with your sitch , looks like you have been on a bit of a rollercoaster ride.

The hostile , angry, blaming thing is normal , your W is lost and needs an outlet for what she probably feels more about herself than you.
Anger is a warm emotion , if she was indifferent to you she would probably not get angry.

A lot of what you are doing will be basic DB'ing but you have lost sight of your Goal. This happens and there are a few of us who are this far in , separated and not sure about what we want.

Its a sort of limbo . Once when you were fighting for your M it was all clear , a solid goal , and steps to get there.

Until you can attain that clear goal then you probably are not going to progress too far.

If you honestly still want to save your M then you have to make that the priority. Put the what ifs, and doubts aside , trust will be something to deal with in piecing if you get there .

But your course is realy up to you .

Good luck

Dave

[kiwi000]

CK, good to hear from you again. I read your posts and see that I am a little behind you on everything.

Some days I think that there are ways to make this work but other days (and they are more frequent) I feel that I could never ever see myself with WAW again. She is so messed up and still tries to blame me at every turn.


The thing is, I've become indifferent. I've had a few dates and enjoyed them but unfortunately none of these dates came up to par with my relationship with my WAW before PND took over and our R took a dive. Oh well, no one ever said it would be easy.....

[SuperDad]

Hi Kiwi,
Nothing really to say other than, keep on keepin' on!
Take care, SD

[kiwi000]

SD, will do!!

WAW stopped talking to me for the last few weeks, only started again during handover of our S today. The anger is in control again so I'm keeping my head down and being polite and supportive. The 180's are really quite good as I do feel better about myself and I won't let bitterness or anger take over. I think it was SuperDad who used to quote the Dalai Lama about anger having no use.... so true!!!

Meanwhile it's summer here still so I'm running and swimming and enjoying female attention to my new slim body. still not that keen on dating though.

[kiwi000]

PS: My MIL emailed me and offered me and S the use of their holiday home over the Easter break. Very nice offer and it's good to know that despite the sitch, my IL's still feel enough about me to stay in touch and make such a kind offer.

I gave my MIL the DR book recently and I think she has read it with mixed feelings, prob knows I did LRT and it kind of worked but ultimately things regressed. She sent me a text message saying it was a great book but she had really mixed feelings after reading it although it gave her hope.

I am still making sure I control or limit my backsliding and start every day being goal orientated and focusing on my 180s. So, I am still DBing to all intents and purposes.

[Jay Scott]

Kiwi, I totally hear you about taking your vows together in front of God. He gives each of us free will, while respect the views of the folks here a DB who can forgive and forget to try to save their M's but there is a line in the sand for all of us man and we have to decide where that is. After a while trust becomes a very difficult thing to repair. I fel for you but am glad you are taking it so well and are getting on with YOUR life.

[kiwi000]

Update; WAW is back being friendly and cooperative again. She doesn't act or sound depressed any more. She even walked our S down to my local cafe today for handover and let me take S on a fun run in his pram last week which was her day. It is better for our S so I'll take it as it comes but for some reason I am very suspicous of these 'nice' moments.

[SuperDad]

Kiwi,
Glad things are going well for you. Also glad that the quote from the Dalai Lama stuck with you. This was really a turning point for me, to stop being angry at my W and at the sitch and to instead focus on all my blessings and the opportunities that life has given me. (Dave and Cliffy helped me a lot with this too.)

Take care, SD

[C_K]

Kiwi

Great to see you a bit settled , try not to analyse what is going on on in W's head it will drive you crazy.
Instead keep a steady course as you are doing , you are your biggest project right now.

Dave