I know that I need to move on...plain black and white. A mutual friend of ours told me that she feels she can never forgive herself for what she had done..meaning the A. So, to her, its was over then. I feel like an idiot sometimes for holding on this long...but I feel Im at the point I have done all I can.
At least I have the peace of mind, with Gods grace, that I have been the victor in this because I stood for my M. I know God has seen that along with many others...at least they didnt judge me for trying.
Thanks and God bless...when I get over this 100%, I will remember this, RMG.
Chevelle
Chevelle,
I think you really have done all you can.... The thing is you are working on yourself (I feel like I am writing that over & over) and looking ahead... You never know what God has is His plan... I KNOW He has seen your heart, your desire to follow through on your commitment and obey His laws.... I am certain He has great plans for you....
When I was going through the hardest part with my ex WAW, I kept holding on to God's word:
Quote:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
When I met my new W, what Bible verse did she have on her dresser? Jeremiah 29:11! We were both holding on to that... knowing He will always be faithful...
When were married, there was a picture of the church nestled in the mountains which was passed around for everyone to sign. Someone actually wrote Jeremiah 29:11 on it! We are still trying to figure out who wrote it.... We think it was our 15 year old nephew.... I found that so very moving...
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
You're right..I have been looking ahead, just seems so far away. I keep trying to remember that this is a trial...and to pass it with faith will heap tremendous rewards later. I just wish later would come soon. But, I also know its in His time..I think He wants me to let go completely before I see the benefits of patience.
I have been mostly a confident, out-going person away from her. Its just when I see her, I get some of those feelings back. But after I leave from her presence, I am fine again. Why does this happen? Am I a complete idiot?
I hate the idea sometimes that I can move on with my life, and then turn around for a brief period and fall back into the love and acceptance I feel for her. I would rather give that to someone else right now, because I now know some women would love to feel like that from a man.
I guess I just need to find another way....God has sure helped me so much, maybe I need to lean on Him a little more.
I have been mostly a confident, out-going person away from her. Its just when I see her, I get some of those feelings back. But after I leave from her presence, I am fine again. Why does this happen? Am I a complete idiot?
I attribute that to what she has done... You loved her... She betrayed you... Your heart is feeling things which overrule what you know you should feel in your mind.... This is totally natural.... Do not worry about it... Just try to work on this when you see her...
Originally Posted By: Chevelle
I hate the idea sometimes that I can move on with my life, and then turn around for a brief period and fall back into the love and acceptance I feel for her. I would rather give that to someone else right now, because I now know some women would love to feel like that from a man.
I have been there as well.... I am NOT saying I am some sort of stud... I am NOT trying to blow my own horn.....
However, several of the gals I met along the way where really questioning my exW's judgment.... They would say things like... You are so easy to talk to... You are so open with your feelings... You are so ambitious... You are able to love a woman so deeply... I find that attractive.... Most women are looking for that in a man....
Many times, I would sit and think.... What the heck? Why is it these women see these things... about who I REALLY am... Yet, my exW has no clue? The truth is... She just did not want to see those things... She wanted to demonize me so she could blaze out of our M...... That was her choice....
My new W tells me over and over how glad she is my exW blazed off... Yesterday, as we were making our bed, she said, "I feel like Kim did not get the best of you. I did!" I said, "Kim could have had the real me as I am with you. She chose not to. That was her loss."
I FIRMLY believe you will find a woman who will appreciate you... Even more than that, I believe your W will regret her actions... That will be on her, NOT you...
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/29/0807:36 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
rmg...tuna here....still struggling mightily 10 months post-d...and 21 months post bomb....today is ex-w b-day leap year shes 11/44 today...got her gifts(too many!) from the kids and a card ....shes having dinner with s9/s16 tonite...reluctantly for s16....he hasnt slept at her apt in over 1 year....im tring to forgive/move on as she now appears to be carrying on with her co-worker married "friend" who appeared to have alot to do with this and whos car is in her driveway a real lot....her apt is a little over a mile from our house that she left) and its hard not to drive by....i guess after all this time a should be further along but im not....i just went back and read the emails we exchanged on her b-day 2 years ago and got real sad....you seem to have done tremendous in your situation and i ask that you pray for me and my wonderful boys...you were always one of my favorites around here and i dont check in that often but glad you are doing well....take care and god bless....BIG TUNA
ME-47 WAW-42 S16 S8 bomb 5/5/06 separated 10/6/06 D 4/18/07
rmg...tuna here....still struggling mightily 10 months post-d...and 21 months post bomb....today is ex-w b-day leap year shes 11/44 today...got her gifts(too many!) from the kids and a card ....shes having dinner with s9/s16 tonite...reluctantly for s16....he hasnt slept at her apt in over 1 year....im tring to forgive/move on as she now appears to be carrying on with her co-worker married "friend" who appeared to have alot to do with this and whos car is in her driveway a real lot....her apt is a little over a mile from our house that she left) and its hard not to drive by....i guess after all this time a should be further along but im not....i just went back and read the emails we exchanged on her b-day 2 years ago and got real sad....you seem to have done tremendous in your situation and i ask that you pray for me and my wonderful boys...you were always one of my favorites around here and i dont check in that often but glad you are doing well....take care and god bless....BIG TUNA
BT,
Thank you for your kind words. This journey has been by far the most difficult I have ever undertaken.... It literally tore by heart and spirit to shreds.... Along the way, I strongly doubted I would ever recover.... Yet, God has restored my heart and spirit....
There is a song which really reflected the struggle I was going through... The Best of You... Foo Fighters... My favorite verse is bolded....
Quote:
I've got another confession to make I'm your fool Everyone's got their chains to break Holdin' you
Were you born to resist or be abused? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Are you gone and onto someone new? I needed somewhere to hang my head Without your noose You gave me something that I didn't have But had no use I was too weak to give in Too strong to lose My heart is under arrest again But I break loose My head is giving me life or death But I can't choose I swear I'll never give in I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel You trust, you must Confess Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Oh...
Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...
Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel The life, the love You die to heal The hope that starts The broken hearts You trust, you must Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I've got another confession my friend I'm no fool I'm getting tired of starting again Somewhere new
Were you born to resist or be abused? I swear I'll never give in I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel You trust, you must Confess Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Oh...
When Dave sings this song live.... He has such emotion he turns on... I wonder who inspired him...
You need to let go of your exW... Based on her actions, she is not the type of woman a good man should be with... If you cannot let go, you are holding on to the life you planned... You are not embracing all God has in store for you and your children...
You need to focus on you... The man God has created you to be... Focus on your children.... You, too, will find a woman who appreciates you for the man you are...
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/29/0808:24 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I FIRMLY believe you will find a woman who will appreciate you... Even more than that, I believe your W will regret her actions... That will be on her, NOT you...
Take Care,
RMG
That is a statement, RMG, that I believe has just begun to happen...I am hearing from her best girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine) that she is not happy and is trying to fill voids within herself by her actions. She doesnt even like her that much in that regard. I have also caught wind from friends that she cant somehow get me off her mind...Hah..thats a good one...she does it so effortlessly around me, it seems.
I guess it goes both ways with the Cinderella song.."You Don't Know What You Got, Til Its Gone"
I FIRMLY believe you will find a woman who will appreciate you... Even more than that, I believe your W will regret her actions... That will be on her, NOT you...
Take Care,
RMG
That is a statement, RMG, that I believe has just begun to happen...I am hearing from her best girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine) that she is not happy and is trying to fill voids within herself by her actions. She doesnt even like her that much in that regard. I have also caught wind from friends that she cant somehow get me off her mind...Hah..thats a good one...she does it so effortlessly around me, it seems.
I guess it goes both ways with the Cinderella song.."You Don't Know What You Got, Til Its Gone"
God bless
Chevelle
Chevelle,
I know that Cinderella song well...
I think my exW is really starting to feel it.... My new W and I have pretty much got the house squared away... In the process, dropping off boxes of her stuff.... That included lots of pictures, cards and love notes we exchanged....
I also told her all about the renovation of the house... It is not quite there yet... I know that gets to her.... That was one of her "complaints" as she walked out the door....
She sent me an angry e-mail which read:
Quote:
DO NOT BRING ANYTHING OVER HERE THAT IS NOT MINE!!! This is ridiculous. If you don't want the stuff, give it to Goodwill. Give the tapes to Goodwill. It is different if it is something from or about my family. I also don't need all of the cards and whatnot that we gave to each other over the years. Burn them or something but don't drop them off here.
What is the big deal? Why can't she throw them away? I chose not to respond.....
I told her, “Some day you will regret doing this.” She said, “If I do, I WILL get over it.” I guess that time has come..... She has the rest of her life to think about it....
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/29/0810:13 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
This is interesting.... Crazy Life by Toad The Wet Sprocket comes on... I never really paid attention to the lyrics before...
Quote:
Anyway now, it dont seem right He is in there and youre on the outside Over pine ridge to wounded knee Theres blood on the ground as far as you see Crazy life
In the air Im sensing a change in the weather In the end the path is clear Does anyone remember here Did you all think hed just disappear Crazy life What have you done with peltier Who did you think youd taken away Crazy life
In the air Im sensing a change in the weather In the end the path is clear
Burying wont stop it breathing forever Underground it takes to root
Anyway, it dont seem right He is in there and youre on the outside What have you done with peltier Who did you think youd taken away Its not over...
I never realized it was about someone attempting to suppress their emotions about their R....
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/29/0811:15 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Well, great point and song, RMG...here is a song I play a lot to describe my emotions and feelings since my S...very parallel to my sitch...almost like Ben Burnley (the lead singer) knew what I felt and wrote it just for me...
Breath by Breaking Benjamin
I see nothing in your eyes And the more I find, the less I like Is it over yet? In my head...
I know nothing of your kind And I won't reveal your evil mind Is it over yet? I can't wait
So sacrifice yourself And let me have whats left I know that I can find the fire in your eyes I'm going all the way..get away
You take the breath right out of me You left a hole where my heart should be You gotta fight just to make it through 'Cause I will be the death of you
This will be all over soon Pour salt into the open wound Is it over yet...let me in
I'm waiting I'm hating Realize Start hiding
That song, RMG, while kind of angry, depicts what I wish I could say to W many times. Even though I feel pretty good about me and my life, When I think about what she has done, and why she thinks she is better off without me, but doesn't seem to be happier..I play this song over and over in my head to her and feel...not vengence or vindication...but peace..peace that I am the better of us two in this. That I will have the better life with God and my kids and my future R.
Just a side note...she still has the pics of us when we were engaged and such hanging in the living room of the house. Not sure if she just forgot there were there, but when she brings guys home I know they see them...wonder why there are still there....
God bless..I hope to be where your are someday, RMG.
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Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
