Oh gosh, I am shocked by this. NJM, I wonder what it is about you that makes you such a harsh judge? IC, through his struggles and mistakes, has managed to get in touch with his priorities, all the while reaching out to help others, including me.
Ok, bringing this thread back to Noles Fan, my vote would be to suck it up, live w/ it, try to forget it or whatever, but I don't recommend you telling your W about your one night stand or however long the affair lasted.
I think the only reason MY H told me was b/c of HIS guilt. I would prefer to have not known about him cheating on me.
But, as I said, this is just my "vote" or opinion that you NOT tell your W. Let it rest in the past.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I doubt we'll hear from NJM again. His type likes the quick judgment and I'm quite sure he is so insecure about his life that he wants no parts of serious debate. He must be very immature and probably in the high two digit IQ range.
NJM, just so there's no misunderstanding, it was I who notified the Moderators of your thread. If you have some beef with IC pm him or whatever. This is a support board, not a place for ad hominem vents. Now back to Noles Fan and his sitch, please.
I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this predicament. I'm not here to berate you for what you did...what's done is done.
As for telling your wife, that's a tough one. I don't want you to judge your situation by that of IC and myself, because I don't think what happened between us is true to the norm. I was not treated too well in my first marriage and this led to a somewhat general distrust of men. Then I met IC and he was...well...different. I felt safe with him. Not in a protective sense, but in a trusting sense...he wasn't going to hurt me like I had been in previous relationships and marriage. It was nice. I felt safe with him in being able to be myself for a change, but as much I wanted to believe that general distrust of men was gone...a part of me still felt that. Here is where I feel that we don't fit the mold: One would think that IC's ONS would only feed that distrust, but it was different for me. I saw the internal struggles that he had with the mistake he made...I continue to see it! I don't know if or when he will let it go, and this has had the reverse effect on me and my trust towards men or IC in particular. Today, I can honestly say that IC will never do this again. 6 months ago, 1 year ago, 2 years ago...I could not have said that, so in that sense, I'm glad he told me. Yes it hurts and the thought of him with another woman just kills me inside but time is healing that wound and in the long run, I think it will prove to have made our marriage stronger.
I don't know if I've been any help to you at all Noles. Whatever you decide to do, I wish the best for you and your wife.
Noles, My feeling is to not cause unnecessary hurt and to put the affair behind you. The exception to this is if your W starts asking questions and seems suspicious of something, or asks you directly; at that point, I do feel the truth needs to come out. And this may occur if you allow the guilt to cause behavioral changes that she notices. If I were you, I would go to a counselor to work through the guilt, as well as address the issues that precipitated the affair in the first place.
Miss IC, I feel you had a sixth sense of things, and I agree it is a good thing that this secret came out. I know in my sitch I started putting the pieces together and there came a point where I needed to know, and it was a relief, as strange as that seems. Everything suddenly made sense.
Yeah... two posts from a junior member (a flaming one at that), indicates TROLL to me as well... and not worth consideration beyond NEXTing him as an azzhole.
This will be my last post to you or of you, but I found this outburst of yours to be quite amusing. You see, I jump around onto many of the forums here and I just happened to be over in Newcomers today and low and behold, who did I find over there? I found IC posting to Jennyf, a mom of 2 that is very emotional about her husband wanting a divorce. She had been having a bad day and there was IC, broken leg...dealing with fcking cancer!! And there he was, trying to cheer her up. Here is part of her response:
IC, you rock. I needed that so much...thanks. I'm sitting here giggling to myself.
Next time you want to jump on somebody's character, you might want to do a little research. This isn't the first time I've caught IC jumping around trying to make someone smile, trying to make someone's day a little brighter. Take some lessons from this man because I really think you need them
