Calling all experts, non experts...serious opinion

[Jeanette1120]

Not really that hard at all SH. We don't need to know all the inner workings anymore. It is what it is. It all boils down to $300.00 a month. and emotions. Who's right, who's wrong, who feels like the winner!

There are no winners. So in Keekers case, it's a personal decision. One she'll make and feel great about!

[Fixer]

I think you should get what's fair.

Do you think if you needed money after giving him this break he would give it to you? I don't think so.

This is my W's second M. Her H asked for a break after the papers were signed. After she gave him his break he was even more of a jerk. Ten years later when it cost more to raise her S she asked for more money. Her XH couldn't come to an agreement on what was fair. In the end she had take him to court and he forgot about the break he was given.

Fixer

[MichelleLT]

Yes, some men are too.

I must admit I resent your generalization a bit. Like most of the people here on this board, you have been on the receiving end of a lot of emotional abuse at this point. However, that is more about miserable people acting out at those closest to them and is not about gender at all.

In my case, despite the fact that my H was helping to put me through law school, he is the one having the A and threatening to D me. Plus, I am the one who took out lots of students loans, which his name is not on, and which I will have to pay off all ALONE.

I'm a bit curious why, instead of living on a student budget, you agreed to spend money on a maid, a nanny, and on eating out.

[Struggling_Husba]

I'm a bit curious why, instead of living on a student budget, you agreed to spend money on a maid, a nanny, and on eating out.

SHE was a student/resident. I was a full time worker-bee, earning enough to make sure she led a distinctly non-student lifestyle even though she was earning no money.

I was proud to have been a good provider, and I always thought I would enjoy the benefits of her high earning potential later in our lives. Of course, it did not turn out that way. To her, marrying me was like hitting the lottery---spend all my money when we were married and then get a big financial payout by divorcing me. Nice.

[peacetoday]

KIKi
I too am no expert
I know you will make the right choice

Most H take a big hit with D
that was their choice
we usually sacrificed career to raise kids
so it is fair
My L said 1/2 of the H that come in dont go thru with D b/c of not wanting to pay the settlement
take more time
do what is best for you
peace

[kikifree]

I think I have to go to trial.

I saw many faces of H today. He was laughing, he was angry , he was sleeping now when he left he was back to angry.

Angry at d7..enough to where she was crying not to go with him.

H started the day nice as pie. H picked up D7 from school and came to my house. He was nicer. Remember, he was the man who really didn't say a word to me 24 hours ago.


Like I said nice as pie. Its like after thinking we are going to settle, he dropped that wall. I am no fool. I am AWARE of everything.

He would hug us then snap at me.

Tom he is supposed to meet my mom to drop off D7..

She will meet him halfway.

H says it has to be my way...my moms way..he has plans..now that is going to mess him up..

I told him look (calmly) I had plans for next week,,I had plans for Valentine"s day but now he is going away..you do not here me bitching about it..Im not asking much

Well, anyway. In reality If I settle will he respect me more? Nope- Less, I think. More importantly will I respect myself? No.

[kikifree]

Hi, Myturnnow,

Your post and Jeanette's and Lissie's made me realize these are women who went through this.

and it is so similar.

BTW..My XH said it all to me. I was a gold-digger..I would get nothing..he had no money and the best he could do was what he was offerring me. Well, I realized that wasn't true. The judge forced him to pay more and he has been paying it!

This is exact to what my H has been screaming. EXACT!

It is so hard to fight for financial support and not feel bad at the same time. But, once I depersonalized it AND remembered this was not what I wanted in the first place, it was easier to handle

That is me. I honestly care for the man and do not want to hurt him..DUH!!!

I almost settled when XH said to me he needed a D to rethink our R again. He needed the closure. Had I settled, I would not be in my home any longer, I would not have been able to finish school, etc.

The same exact responses from him. Is it all phony???

Iy is so difficult. I have weighed my options and feel I have made the right decision for myself.

[Struggling_Husba]

These are all gender-stereotyped assumptions.

that was their choice

Really? How about the men whose wives left them? What choice did they make?

we usually sacrificed career to raise kids

Also a very traditional assumption, and often not accurate. In my case, for example, we waited 10 years to have children so my wife could get trained and established in her career (at my expense). When she finally agreed to have kids, she still worked 30 hours a week and had a nanny, maid, etc. to do lots of the housework and child rearing.

so it is fair

Hardly. Luckily there are some good attorneys and some reasonable judges who will try to make genuinely equitable decisions based on the totality of circumstances. But if one is in a bad state or gets a bad judge or lawyer, the outcome will be anything but fair.

[Jeanette1120]

{{{Keekers}}}

You know your H's financial capabilities more than us. Do what you need to do.

I too, was at my second mediation and HIS attorney was so OBNOXIOUS that the mediator pulled me and Rich to the other room without attorneys. She broke it down WHY I needed the amount requested. She broke it down to buying tampons ok? Gas was .50 cents cheaper then.

If we did not agree then, it would go trial. Rich was trying to get me to settle for 500.00 less than what I received. I settled for 150.00 less than what I was asking for.

If it had gone to trial. I would have got more. He would have owed THOUSANDS to pay for trial costs. Not me. He avoided the costs of the trial by agreeing to meet me near the middle.

Stand your GROUND. and repeat to him this is strictly business. This is NOT WHAT YOU WANTED!!!!! This is YOUR DECISION. Don't make me out to be the bad guy. ARGH!

Hugs Keekers.......my prayers are with you.

Jeanette

[kikifree]

Hi Jeanette..Happy Friday...!!!

I have to stand my ground with him.
I think te number fair to him , but is it fair to me?

H has no expenses..since the department pays for living expenses..I have 2200 going out in mortgage alone.

I think I was trying to HELP H by agreing. I was worried and looking out for him..he really isnt loking out for D7 and I.

I didnt want to look vindictive, because it can be taken that way.I was woried about him...not me.

The way he spoke to me laast night at times was so demeaning and disrespectful.

This isnt what wantd. My trial date is the 27th. it will be 2 yrs on Feb.14 that H has filed.

I want to move on but I want to move on with my head held high.

Oh, Jeanette thsnk you so much for your support.

Did I hear you say wine????