I know that there's still a long road to travel. I'm going to suggest seeing a MC. It's something that she's got to be open to though too, otherwise we won't get anything out of it. I actually think that she'd be more likely to go on a weekend retreat type of thing versus going to see a MC. We'll see though.
She realizes that she has to take her time and make sure that she's come to this decision for the right reasons.
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I don't know about being a DBing mastermind, but it seems like I must have done something right.
Just to think, a week ago she was trying to breakup with me and now tonight she's most likely going to tell OM that she can't see him anymore. It's enough to make my head spin.
I do plan on trying to take things slow. She's the type of person though that will hang on to something until the last minute and then jump into something else with both feet. So I wouldn't be too surprised if she shows up on my doorstep in the next couple days saying that she quit her job and is moving back in. As much as it looks like it, it's not a split second decision that she makes. She wrestles with it internally for quite a while before she acts on it. It ends up looking impulsive, but its really not.
Thanks for your input.
Peace, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
B - Just a thought as I was reading through much of this thread (I am running out of time, gotta get kids to school), I hope you are focusing on your changes for the better and not focusing totally on doing what you think she wants.
After 10 + years together, you have formed relationship habits that are probably not the best. Make a very distinct effort to change your reactions to situations that have come up in the past.
After typing this, I think I need to do the same in my sitch. I guess that is the core of DBing.
Best of luck and I will continue to follow your sitch.
J
H-43 W-41 S-15,S-12,S-11 Together 22 years Married 15 years Affair Discovered - March 06 D Day Announcement - Dec 23,07 Move out Day - Feb 15,2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1350958&page=0&fpart=1
I'm not the same person that she left. I see a lot of my shortcomings from the past and I make a conscious effort to never repeat them. Not to say that I never will, but I at least will now recognize it.
Thanks for stopping by and for your input.
B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I just got back from dropping off the kids and read your entire thread. I am so jealous! Dude, it sounds like you are on the road to a happier life.
Keep us posted and we all need inspiration.
J
H-43 W-41 S-15,S-12,S-11 Together 22 years Married 15 years Affair Discovered - March 06 D Day Announcement - Dec 23,07 Move out Day - Feb 15,2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1350958&page=0&fpart=1
I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can see the light pretty clearly now.
I think that what has made the biggest impact in my situation is that I never reacted in the way that she thought that I would. Everything that I've done (with a few exceptions) has been a complete 180 from what she expected. Couple that with being very consistent and I think that's what drew her back in. I think that if I had behaved any differently then, while she might still have loved me, she would have distanced herself so far that she would have never come back.
Quote:
I would kill for an exchange like this.
A week ago I would have too. A week ago I never thought that I would hear these things from her. A week ago, my heart broke it two. Funny how quickly things change sometimes...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I can imagine how you felt a week ago. However, I told you then it wasn't all bad. Now you've shown me I should have hope for my own situation. I'd almost given up
Always have hope...never going to give up...bhopeful is an inspiration...
thanks for your comment about consistency and 180's. I wonder if this is why I am getting positive conversations followed by curt or ticked attitude for next conversation. Just her life vs my life...her confusion. But thanks again for pointing it out. I need to make sure I am consistent, adhere to my 180's, and show her a new man every chance I get. Doing the best I can...
