OK, new thread new frame of mind. This one is about me. I'm going to try to focus on myself and the things I'm doing to feel better about me.
I'm going back to counselling and I intend to look at myself and my own demons. H may not be willing to work on things or to even let me in on what really went wrong, but I can still work on me.
My goals have changed. Yes, utimately I want my H back (the one I married, not alien boy), but I've really accepted the fact that this is going to take a long time. So I have an opportunity here to really do myself some good. Be selfish in ways I've never dreamed of!! I will see my time away from the kids as a good thing and not a loss (thanks Brit...) While I can find sadness in this and nearly anything right now, I need to find the good in it too. It's there if I look for it.
There is something strange about feeling like seeing the good means you're ok with the bad (did that make sense). But the situation is not changing just because I don't like it...so I have to roll with it.
On my list this week: - sign up for Yoga/Meditation classes - make an appmt with counsellor - sign D up for gymnastics (YAY!!) - get a set schedule with H for visitation/overnights - have a bath in my giant soaker tub...I don't use it nearly enough!
There's a lot more to do...but this is start. My goals are to stay focused on the tasks and take the time out for me. I'm really enjoying my time with my D lately and she is going to be 3 in 2 weeks...so I'm also going to start brainstorming how to make her Birthday really fun and exciting for her.
Well, those are todays Confessions of a Supermom!
J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
That sounds like a good plan to me, Jenny. I know you can accomplish your goals this week. Might be a good idea for me to make some goals myself.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
On my list this week: - sign up for Yoga/Meditation classes - make an appmt with counsellor - sign D up for gymnastics (YAY!!) - get a set schedule with H for visitation/overnights - have a bath in my giant soaker tub...I don't use it nearly enough!
This is all good stuff - You'll feel a million times better once you start to get into a better routine where you do good things for yourself. I'd have liked to have seen some more social activities in your list, but at least you've got a good start
Brit, The social stuff is kind of a given with me. My best friend is on mat leave too right now so we socialize a lot. I have a large group of friends that I see regularly at get togethers, lunches, etc. In fact we're in the process of planning a girls night with dinner and a LOT of wine!
My problem is probably the opposite of most here in that I have to start to feeling more comfortable and focused during my alone time. I have to stop relying on others to fill the void that H left and find it within myself. It's a bit of a scary place for me and I'm sure has a lot to do with the neediness that H felt from me at times. Sigh...more confessions!!
Anyway...hence the need for the yoga & a relaxing bath! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Brit, The social stuff is kind of a given with me. My best friend is on mat leave too right now so we socialize a lot. I have a large group of friends that I see regularly at get togethers, lunches, etc. In fact we're in the process of planning a girls night with dinner and a LOT of wine!
That's good!
Originally Posted By: JennyF
My problem is probably the opposite of most here in that I have to start to feeling more comfortable and focused during my alone time. I have to stop relying on others to fill the void that H left and find it within myself. It's a bit of a scary place for me and I'm sure has a lot to do with the neediness that H felt from me at times. Sigh...more confessions!!
Being comfortable with yourself is a difficult step. I don't think too many people are really good at it. It's tough to keep busy and avoid getting into a bad cycle of feeling bad about yourself.
I'm curious - How much time spent with your H would you consider 'useful'. I'm starting to notice how little I get done with W around, and how much time I waste doing stuff for everyone else. Last night I got nothing done and ended up going to bed late. Normally a Monday night would be 3-4hrs of time to do useful things for myself.
I'm curious - How much time spent with your H would you consider 'useful'.
Brit...do you mean before he left or now?
It is funny that you mention this though because when H was here, I wouldn't do a lot, especially in the evenings. We both had gotten ourselves into the rutt of sitting on the couch once D was in bed and just watching TV. I don't watch TV at all any more, in fact I have to tell myself every now and then to just sit my butt on the couch and veg! H was always a lazy guy at night...TV was his way of relaxing and boy did he do a lot of it. I could go and on about how this affected us...but instead I'll say that it NOW feels good not to have the TV on as much. Not to mention being able to watch what I want. Although, I REALLY miss watching hockey games with him...it was one of my favorite things to do. Since I'm on Mat leave I have the day to accomplish lots of things so my evenings are now pretty open...I'm usually on the computer once the kids are in bed as you can tell!
Did I answer your question? J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Yep - You basically said "We didn't do much, but most of what we did, I don't like doing anymore - It wasn't really fun".
I can really see the whole 'getting in a rut' thing. My W and I were just like that. We'd put D to bed, watch TV, play on the Internet, all that stuff.
Guess what we're doing tonight?!? Same old crap. Of course, I don't exactly expect W to start doing new things right now, but apparently she's content with the old crap.
So you know what? Why can't you GAL even while you're staying there. Maybe just do those things that you normally wouldn't. That would be changing it up and showing her that. Even if it's not what she's looking for (because she is so down right now), at least you'll be doing a 180 for yourself.
Funny thing is I know my H is basically flaked out on the couch over at his Mom's right now! It is there that he seems to go into his little depression (which basically means he sleeps all time). So if they wanted all this change, why are they doing the same thing? One can only hope that at SOME POINT they will realize WE are not the problem! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
So you know what? Why can't you GAL even while you're staying there. Maybe just do those things that you normally wouldn't. That would be changing it up and showing her that. Even if it's not what she's looking for (because she is so down right now), at least you'll be doing a 180 for yourself.
I agree - I need to get out and do things. The weather is really bad here, so I don't feel like driving around a whole lot. D and I went out tonight for a while and left W at home (I'd have asked W to come along, but she put her jammies on at 6:30). I feel like I'm in a crappy routine and not really doing the best things that I could for myself, but I still want to have dinner with W and D.
I know I'm going to have so much crap to do when I move, so I'm making the most of the time I have now when I can relax
Originally Posted By: JennyF
Funny thing is I know my H is basically flaked out on the couch over at his Mom's right now! It is there that he seems to go into his little depression (which basically means he sleeps all time). So if they wanted all this change, why are they doing the same thing? One can only hope that at SOME POINT they will realize WE are not the problem!
I think 'the same thing' for them is really just their coping skills at work - They do the most basic activities they can handle, and that's about it. Obviously depression really limits their ability to commit to things and put a lot of energy into activities.
