BT, you are pushing my friend, you need to stop and stop right the h-ll now. All you are doing by pushing is setting yourself up for disappointment AND pushing her away.
So what she didn't ask. Don't read into everything because you'll drive yourself insane if you do. Trust me I did this way too long and it only has caused things to drag out longer. Next time y'all have a discussion like that just say, great I hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy your tennis. Or something like that. Better yet don't ask because she probably thinks you are prying.
I can't stress enough the importance of not analyzing every little thing. Just know this, she's in pain just like you. The healing process takes time and rehashing old wounds or continually opening up the fresh ones for analysis just prolongs the healing.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I had my consultation with my coach today. She also said I was pushing to hard. She advised me to go at "her pace" and don't rush things and to back off and say "ok I got it".
I need to give her more space and not controll her in anyway.
Trust me when I say it WILL BE the hardest thing you ever do. You will be tempted, very tempted to push, to pry, to try and have her see reason. You MUST resist these urges. A good question to ask yourself when you get these urges is "how does this help her heal and us to move forward? How will this help us reach the ultimate goal?"
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
tonight she is out. She was shaparoning my younger sons dance but left half way thru telling him she was going to show a condo. My middle son told me she was going out for a drink with Nadia and she told me she was going to the mall. I can not help but feel she is out with the OM.
When she gets home she will get no questions from me. Only space.
From now on I am only going to "Trust and Love" and give her lots of space.
Turns out she did all of the above except seeing the OM. I am thinking to much and need to trust and love. When she got home I just said I was happy she was home. I made sure the kitchen and den were real clean which she really liked. She got up at 5:30 which is very unusual and I asked her if everything was ok. She got mad and felt that I was prying. She gets mad really quickly and thinks I ask to many questions. I only asked her if she was ok. She also got upset when i asked if she was going to S12 lacrosse game tonight. When she left for the day she said she was thinking thru things very carefully which I took as a positive sign. She leaves Monday for her 12 day cruise. I am really going to miss her. "Trust and Love". God help me for I feel much better today.
Well she is getting ready to go away. Any advice on how I should handle the 12 day seperation while she is on the cruise. she is either going to come back with a bomb or reflect on what she is leaving behind and reconsider seperation. Things have been going ok. A few complains and arguments but trying to give her lots of space. Very hard. Last night she bought up R and I ignored the conversation but she was basically saying my effort MAY be to little to late.
FYI: For the first time EVER I noticed another women at my son's basketball game. she was very attractive and I inquired about her and found out she was divorsed (2D) not long ago. She was really attractive. Nothing there but it was the first time I ever noticed another women in 22 years. It was kind of nice and I felt (dreamed) I wanted to pursue. Kind of gave me a new attitude toward things and my WAW that was standing next to me (on her &#$%&& cell phone which is always attached to her head). I actually walked out of the gym when she left to see who she was with and what kind of car she was driving. She noticed me and gave me a really nice smile, I wanted to introduce my self but I am a little rusty on my pick up lines after 22 years. I want to call one of the parents on her daughters team and find out about her and her sitch. (I'm dreaming but longing for someone to share with).
For some reason I am not hurting as bad the last few days. Looking forward to life.
.....well I just dropped her off at the airport to go on her 12 day cruise w/ 40 family members. Hour drive to the airport was really nice, no R talk, no seperation talk, no om (I'm getting pretty good at this DB stuff). I think this 12 day trip is going to be great for both of us. Lots of reflection time and relaxation w/ loved ones for her and alot of dedicated work taking care of my three sons for twelve days. The boys and I will all go to Vermont for a three day weekend along with my brother.
BTW: I got a huge prolonged spectacular hug and two kisses good bye initiated by her. After the hug and kiss I looked into her bueatiful eyes for what seemed like 5 minutes and didn't say a word. No tears and she waited by the airport window until she saw me drive away. She also texted me twice and said she would call tonight.
So what are the bets? She comes home and wants to work on R more or she comes home and drops a Bomb. I am going to continue to "Trust and Love" and be hopeful and optimistic. I am starting to feel much better and looking forward to life no matter what happens.
I agree with Built4speed. Read that post and re-read again. Fantastic outlook and very realistic without being too full of false hopes.
Broken Tree - As others have said, we are all in the same boat, man. Keep posting away. I know it will make you feel better even if no one responds for a few days.
Keep your head up. You have a huge support group here for you.
J
H-43 W-41 S-15,S-12,S-11 Together 22 years Married 15 years Affair Discovered - March 06 D Day Announcement - Dec 23,07 Move out Day - Feb 15,2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1350958&page=0&fpart=1
Thanks guys. That was a great post that Built sent along. I printed it and read it 5 times already. She has called twice already tonight, nothing important, no I miss or love you. Hangin with my kids alone is great.
I really miss her, had a few tears after call but really looking forward to my journey and the fact that things could become better no matter which way this goes.
