Still sad but movin' on

[JMC]

I don't think I could ever be friends with my ex.

I know how you feel. Especially when there is OP involved. M

This is the first time I have checked these boards in several weeks. My WAW has evidently spoken with an atty and we have agreed on a financial split. I am getting hosed, but not as bad as I could in that she has agreet to accept 1/2 of our credit card debt. She evidently would not have too as she is now unemployed and I was making about 2.5-3x what she made anyway.

Regarding the friendship thing, upon hearing that she is now unemployed I told her to let me know if there is anything I could ever do to assist her. I work in the financial industry and would always get her a lot of information of companies she found interesting and then proof her cover letters and resume.

Well, she recently sent me a cover letter and asked if I would review. She was very appreciative of changes. I have a masters degree and have a way with words and typically write well (I know not always in this forum). Anyway, the OM in this case never went to college. I am not being judgemental, but I guess I could have been a jerk and said a few things, and perhaps I probably would have done so pre-DBing.

Sorry for the long-winded response here and I apologize for hijacking the thread, but I guess that despite my assistance I really do not think we could ever be 'friends'. Very sad.

[alamogirl]

Hey JMC,

Good to hear from you. You're not hijacking the thread. I appreciate your input.

Well, get this: When I was married, I allowed my ex to quit his job so that he could go to school full-time. Sure, money was tight. We were living off of my paycheck and his 401K. He had it made, really. I was working toward a promotion, which I got. Then all of a sudden...BAM! He left. He quit school, and now, he's painting houses for a living. Isn't that insane? I still can't figure it out. It's like he flipped out.

Well, got to go...I'm waiting for him to come by today and pick the rest of his stuff.

All my best,
alamogirl

[Chevelle]

I can relate to the "friends with the ex" mantra...

My STBXW wants to be friends too. I cant say I see that happening. More maybe as an acquaintence now, and more for the kids than anything. I dont see how someone who you invested so much of your future and life with, (regardless of whose is at fault for the split) and hurt you, can you be friends with.

Even in forgiveness, you never forget. And how many of us can actually look at our WAS and say to ourselves..."Okay, I can be friends and nothing more..."

Maybe in time, a long time, it could happen. And I, for one, am not a mean person and do not hate..so I can be "friends", but not in the true sense of the word.

Not sounding pessimistic, and not trying to hijack, either...just someone who feels when its time to "go dark..LRT, etc", if you are able to GAL without the WAS around, maybe being "friends" isnt in the cards.....

And, JMC, I also believe OP helps in no way shape or form. My STBXW thinks she has found "the next one" and has moved full speed ahead with her R. But I still get the occasional call about fixing this, babysitting for that...that is not trying to be friends to me..thats more like being a doormat.

God Bless

Chevelle

[cat03]

same here, it's not about being bitter it is about risking getting "those" feelings back: familiarity, then the false sense that it's all ok...which is NOT. I dont' want to be cruel nor cold, but in order to detach from the man I thought I'd never leave I have to, for my own sake, to distance myself. I rather not know details of his life, which I know include ow despite his denials, (um, at least take off her parking permit when you come for kids!!!).

Acquaintance is the right word, keep them at arms lenght. Yes, maybe in many years I might be able to use the word "friend" ...but very loosely.

Hugs Monica))))))) I know you hanged on for very very long, I'm over at the other D board since I have shut the door completely, since he has made it clear he is way over our M and R.