Hey Brit, Did your W decide to stay over, that would be nice if she did. I wish this were a possibility but H left today at 2 after dropping D off and just said see you tomorrow morning. Oh well.
I still have no idea - She's coming over with D for dinner, so I guess we'll see if she brings anything with her. I'd put my money on 'NOT' right now, but you never know.
I talked to her a little earlier this afternoon and D was taking her afternoon nap. W still had not bought any gifts other than what we got on Friday - I don't know why it's so hard for her to drive to Target and get the stuff... I offered to watch D on Saturday and let her go on her own, plus when D was napping yesterday I suggested she went then but she didn't want to. W is so passive aggressive when it comes to things like this.
It's lame - I've got three stockings hanging up here. D's is stuff with things, W's has a lot of little things in it and mine is empty. Oh well.
Funny how you say your wife just won't pick up the stuff. I have always done all of the stuff. I even buy and wrap a gift for myself from "Santa". I always get what I want! I hung up a stocking for H too and Santa will fill it and leave him a gift. H wanted to do things the way we always do as far as gifts.
I am hoping that you haven't posted this evening because W is still there. If she didn't stay, I'm sorry. I know I was still hoping today that H would change his mind.
Funny how you say your wife just won't pick up the stuff. I have always done all of the stuff. I even buy and wrap a gift for myself from "Santa". I always get what I want! I hung up a stocking for H too and Santa will fill it and leave him a gift. H wanted to do things the way we always do as far as gifts.
W's Christmas spirit was seriously waining this holiday - She didn't even care enough to put something in D's stocking from her. She just seems really unhappy right now.
My stocking is still totally empty
Originally Posted By: lizzy
I am hoping that you haven't posted this evening because W is still there. If she didn't stay, I'm sorry. I know I was still hoping today that H would change his mind.
W didn't want to stay the night (said it was too much hassle to bring over her crap to do her hair in the morning - whatever...), but we went out for dinner with D which was nice. We ended up stopping by W's house because she forgot pretty much everything she was supposed to bring; as usual. Got to my house, put D in her Christmas jammies and played for a bit until she was ready for bed.
We put 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' on TV and I put together my gift for D while W wrapped up the gifts she got for me and her family today. When she got here earlier she pretty much freaked out when she saw how much stuff was under the tree - Says I went "all out" She apologized later that she didn't contribute much because she was so broke right now. I told her it didn't matter and that she didn't have to buy me anything if she couldn't afford it. She still spent a couple of hundred bucks on a camera for me (she basically told me what she got), and a bunch of little things for D. She wrote on the label for my gift "To Daddy. From D and Mommy". She knows I really want a camera because since the bomb I've hardly taken any pictures of D - Lots of friends and family have commented that they want new pictures of D and haven't got any.
W left with the usual hug/kiss/ILY, but she just seemed to have the wind out of her sails tonight. Sometimes she is chatty and interested in what is going on, even if she is depressed, but tonight she didn't hardly say a word. On IM earlier today I just got one word answers from her on pretty much everything.
I've not added it up, but I think I've spent close to five grand this Christmas, including a few non-gift expenses. D has a huge stocking full of stuff (although she stole a stuffy out of the top when she came with D tonight) and W has a stack of really nice things. At the bottom of her pile is an Apple Mac laptop that she has been wanting for two years but we never had the spare money for it.
I have a card here for W - It's just a funny one that doesn't have any H/W reference, but I'm trying to find something nice to write in it. Any ideas? It's in her stocking, but I didn't stick the envelope down yet
W is supposed to come over in the morning to open gifts with D and I, then we're spending the day together - We'll head over to her parents mid-afternoon after D has had a nap for gifts and dinner.
Uh. D and I have been up for a couple of hours and we just played with a few things out of her stocking and her little kitchen I got her since it wasn't wrapped up (just had a huge bow on it). Not heard from W yet - No idea what time she is coming over.
I was doing pretty good this morning until I put the Christmas music channel on the TV (we have sat here, so we get Sirius radio on it) - Merry Christmas Darling by The Carpenters... First time I've cried about all of this in about three months. So much for thinking that I had myself together
ahhhh.. so your a human...with feelings...on Christmas...be gentile with yourself...allow yourself to feel your feelings...its much better than trying to suppress them...BUT we don�t always have to act on all of our feelings....your a trooper...I admire your consistency...& wish you all the best this holiday season & always
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
ahhhh.. so your a human...with feelings...on Christmas...be gentile with yourself...allow yourself to feel your feelings...its much better than trying to suppress them...BUT we don�t always have to act on all of our feelings....your a trooper...I admire your consistency...& wish you all the best this holiday season & always
Thanks! W called and said she'd be over in a bit. She sounded like crap.
I was lucky and made it through the days w/o tears today. Not sure how I did it. D10 did cry when she found out H wasn't going to his aunt's house w/ us. He didn't bother to tell her. He said he wasn't going because he is sick. He has been very sick fo 3 weeks, so that could be it. Anyway, I feel guilty for not crying. I guess I did a good job of setting low expectations and I have detached more than I thought.
There is absolutely nothing wrong w/ you crying today Brit. You obviously still love your W and you are a great dad. Hopefully W will realize that soon.
Wow - Today was totally crazy. Pretty much 16hrs of non-stop action for me, plus I've got a sinus infection... Lots of positives overall though. This is really long, more of a journal, so if you don't care, look away now
W finally made it over around 10:30 this morning. She said she was cleaning and stuff because she hadn't cleaned in a few weeks - I told her I'd take D tonight (should be W's night) and she could take it easy because she has to work the rest of this week. We started opening gifts - Mostly worked on D & W's stockings at first and then went through D's things. W gave me my gift from her and D, which was a nice digital camera, although she said "If you don't like it I have the gift receipt so you can change it". W seemed pretty excited about a lot of the toys and books I got D and even took a few home with her tonight because she didn't have enough older toys for her. W started opening her gifts and she seemed pretty happy about them. She got to one that was pretty inexpensive, but she said "Wow, that was expensive". I just told her I got some discounts and rebates and she didn't say much else. Both D and W were left with one gift and W decided that D should go for a bath and we should make dinner. W ended up going through a lot of D's clothes and sorting old stuff while I bathed her, then W started working on lunch. D ended up eating most of her lunch before we even started and she was getting sleepy, so I suggested taking her to bed for her nap - But we should go open the last few gifts first. We opened D's gift first - Nothing really exciting; just some towels and bath toys, so while I was showing D her new things W opened her last gift. I swear I have never seen the look of amazement on my W's face that I did. She opened it up, looked at it, pushed everything aside and gave me a big hug and kiss (well, as much as you can get when you're on the floor with a baby on your lap). D went for bed, then W, me and her new toy had lunch together. D woke up about 3hrs later and W hadn't put it down at all. She told me how thankful she was so many times and that she was amazed I bought her something so nice. She also told me I had done really well at getting things for D and making Christmas exciting for her and that I was a "wonderful, wonderful, wonderful" Daddy. Swoosh. 3 points!
We finished the day at her parents, which was just complete chaos. Four kids under 4, six adults and a house full of gifts. I filled my trunk with things for W, D and myself when we left. W took her gift from me along with her, which was a nice feeling. W was pretty quiet at her parents, but she later told me she was stressed out with being around all the kids. She kept going upstairs from the basement to hang out on her own in the living room, so I went up once just to see if she was doing okay. Kiss, hug, ILY, "I'm having a great Christmas. Thank you" from W.
Ride home was interesting. We were just talking about nonsense and I mentioned that W's sister's baby was starting to grow on me (She's about 3 months old). W said that she was starting to become more interesting, but that D was her favorite baby out of all of them (duh!). I just told W that I sometimes missed the newborn stage of it all and W said "I was thinking too about D having a sibling". wtf? I remember holding her hand and touching her leg on the way home, but I really don't remember what the conversations were about. I do recall that she mentioned that this had been one of the best Christmases for her and she thanked me for doing everything to make it so much fun for her and D. We also talked a little about our last vacation to England and we talked about how we will do things differently next time?!?
Got back to my house, put D to bed, then started to organize the haul from W's parents. Brought it all into the house, made three piles, then took W's stuff and some of D's things out to her car. It was REALLY cold, so she started it and just left it and came back in the house. We hung out in the kitchen for a while, where I have some family photos (including something that D made at daycare for us as a Christmas gift with a family photo on it). W mentioned that she was 'ugly and overweight' - I just put my arms around her as I stood behind her and told her she was beautiful and that she never needs to think that she is anything other than that. She told me thank you and held my arms for a while.
On her way out she hugged me and gave me a kiss - Turned into a ten minute kissing/hugging/ILY session. Nothing too crazy, but it was nice. W never told me to stop, that she didn't want it or wasn't comfortable. Heck, I even grabbed her butt and she giggled. She did say that she was exhausted and wanted to go home and rest, so I helped her get her stuff together. When she left she told me she would talk to me tomorrow.
I know I took a major gamble going nuts for Christmas. It was a total 180 for me to be so involved in a family event like this, so I think W appreciated the weight not being on her shoulders. I know I demonstrated some serious financial stability to her - Wasn't really something that was specific to me, but we always struggled to get by the three years we lived together. Lots has changed since then, but I think W has more confidence in my ability to support her and D. I told W that I went 'all out' this Christmas because I had not had the opportunity to do so in the past - Entirely true, but she didn't even think of questioning it at all. W felt pretty bad because she had no money to get things for most people, but I was really honest with her and said that she didn't have to buy me anything and that the holiday was mostly about D anyway. She told me that I had been very generous this Christmas and that I 'got shafted'. I just told her I got the gift I wanted (a camera), and that I spent Christmas with W and D, and it didn't matter what stuff I got.
Quite to my surprise, I got ZERO negative comments about anything I did - No questions of my motives, no "Just because I got this doesn't mean you'll get XXX'. She seemed genuinely impressed and amazed how much effort I had put into everything.
Do I think anything will change - Not really. W is still obviously confused, but I know that stuff is going on in her head when it comes to she and I. I also learned that I can push her right now, at least a little, and there aren't really any negative consequences to it. I think W is just terrified right now to make any decisions right now.
Funny how you say your wife just won't pick up the stuff. I have always done all of the stuff. I even buy and wrap a gift for myself from "Santa". I always get what I want! I hung up a stocking for H too and Santa will fill it and leave him a gift. H wanted to do things the way we always do as far as gifts.
She apologized later that she didn't contribute much because she was so broke right now. I told her it didn't matter and that she didn't have to buy me anything if she couldn't afford it. She still spent a couple of hundred bucks on a camera for me (she basically told me what she got), and a bunch of little things for D. She wrote on the label for my gift "To Daddy. From D and Mommy". She knows I really want a camera because since the bomb I've hardly taken any pictures of D - Lots of friends and family have commented that they want new pictures of D and haven't got any.