Well the separation agreement that's taken a year to agree on is now finalized. I signed it today and it's off to her attorney for her to sign. I feel like I just signed an admission of failure, failure to maintain and grow a marriage, a failure to my family, to my kids, to my parents and to the vow I made to my wife, to myself and to God. Most of all I feel like I failed her first then myself. Failed to uphold my end of the bargain, of the vow, the covenant.
Time to go sit, reflect and once again find a way to apologize and forgive myself so I can then extend that to my wife and move forward.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Ok an hour has passed and my pity party is over. LOL! Sure I just signed basically the outline for divorce but I have Faith that the future holds great things for me, for my wife, our children and our families. Signing that document was just an outward action of lovingly detaching, letting go. If it's meant to be it will return. If not, well clearly God has another plan for us all!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I just read this entire thread. It is as though I am looking into my future! W and I are still living together for about one more month and then she is moving out. I feel like you have been through what I am about to go through with the wants/needs to express my love, but cannot because it will push her even further away, the kids, etc....
Best of luck to you and if you have any ideas on what you could be doing differently that might help, I am all ears. I will do the same.
J
H-43 W-41 S-15,S-12,S-11 Together 22 years Married 15 years Affair Discovered - March 06 D Day Announcement - Dec 23,07 Move out Day - Feb 15,2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1350958&page=0&fpart=1
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
catfan, I felt the same way when my W gave me the D papers. It really sucks... It's like I didn't uphold the to love and cherish part. And then she didn't uphold the for better or worse part.... It took two to bring down the marriage and it took two to break the vow. Well, it also takes two in the end to rebuild it. On the positive side, it's not the D paper, just the S agreement. There's hope.... Hang in there bro, God will see you through this.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
...And then she didn't uphold the for better or worse part....
I definitely know that feeling! It fueled a lot of frustration and bitterness for me for a while. In the end I realized she was so bad off when she bombed me she couldn't see any other solution. Now I just hope that she can make the rest of her journey and find peace, love, compassion, optimism and faith for herself. If so then maybe we can look at one another and know we can build something together.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
My sitch is different now, but eight years ago, signing a "controlled separation" agreement saved my marriage. Literally, the day I moved out she wanted me back.
There is a book call "Controlled Separation" that was very useful.
Hang in there!!
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Yep hanging in there. That's what I'm doing. Honestly I am actually doing pretty darn well. Sure I'm still sad about the whole situation but there's a lot of things to be very happy about, starting with my new job which has been great so far!
I do think since she signed the agreement she's thinking divorce more than ever. She actually said to me the other day about signing it, "you're right it's time to get this done and move on."(I said forward not on actually.)
Since then she's grown noticeably more distant. No more hugs, no physical contact, very limited emails and generally only business in nature now, no chitchatting, etc. So I think she's decided to just move on and put it all behind her. Sad actually because I can see we can have such a great marriage going forward given the changes I've made and she's trying to make. I've even had a few people comment to me that they see it as well.
That all said I still have to wonder if in the back of her mind she has doubts. On Friday she mentioned to me she had 4 tickets to Cats for tonight. She had planned to take the girls and wanted to know if I'd like to go with her. I paused and thought about it a moment and accepted. So off to dinner and a show with her and our girls tonight. My plan, just be me, be happy, be confident and be a great Dad. No agenda besides just being me. If she likes what she sees, which she's commented recently she does, good.
Last edited by catfan; 01/22/0805:27 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Well here's an overview from last night. My wife and I traded emails about where to meet and eat. I had a suspicion she was trying to use this as some distancing method because she at first didn't want to meet at our house. In the end that's exactly what we did.
She drove and I picked up dinner and parking. We had a really good dinner as a family. The girls did something I thought was probably planned. They both sat on the same side of the table meaning my wife and I had to sit next to one another. Lots of smiles with the girls in great moods, acting a little silly and generally keep up the good cheer at the table. Some small talk between my wife and I with her getting more comfortable chatting more about nothing kind of things as the dinner went on.
She surprised us all with front row seats to see the traveling version of Cats. The show was great and we all had a great time.
Once back at home the girls and I went to get into my truck and my wife came with us to give the girls hugs. She turned to me, gave me a hug, said she really enjoyed it, thanked me for joining her and the girls then said with a big smile, "we should do this again." To which I said, "That would be very nice and I look forward to doing it again."
It's a crumb, a small positive, nothing more than that but it's something nonetheless. She enjoyed my company, enjoyed the togetherness and for now I'll just enjoy the moment with no further expectations.
Oh and one thing during intermission we were looking at the program and saw that Spamalot is coming in a couple of months. I'd like to see it and mentioned that. She said it sounded interesting and we agreed to try to see if we can see it together. It'll be a challenge because its playing a week when we both have to travel. I don't expect we can work it into the schedule but it'd be nice if we could which is a thought we both expressed. This too a a crumb, nothing more. If anything it'll be another nice evening out.
Last edited by catfan; 01/23/0802:03 PM.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
My wife got a bit touchy yesterday with me about plans for the weekend. I offered to let her have the girls this weekend since she's traveling all next week and they'll be with me again. I thought it a nice thing to do.
Well she emailed me yesterday about it and oddly mentioned only having them one night. I mentioned to her the idea of the whole weekend. Turns out she has "plans" on Friday. Well I asked how late she'd be because I'd like to head to our vacation house for the weekend on Friday. So a bit back and forth on it and we finally settled on her taking the girls Sunday. Honestly I don't care what her plans are, I just want to coordinate our plans for OUR girls.
Then the conversation changes to the show Tuesday and how we'd like to do that again. How it was nice to be together, how we'd both like to continue and see where it can go. Sometimes this woman just drives me nuts! What is it, do you want to work on us or be completely free?!?!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
