It is getting really easy to let him muddle around w/out my interference, it just seems that he would have to make some kind of decision at some point.
Ahhh, but that's the beauty of MLC. You CAN'T make a decision.
I'm in the same place with my W and have come to the conclusion that I will have to take action if any will be taken. I guess this doesn't exactly apply in your case, but nevertheless, don't hold your breath for any decisions on his part without it being precipitated by dramatic actions on yours.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
You may be right SD, I'm not holding my breath that there's a decision coming down the pike anytime soon!
There was a lot of interaction this weekend with last Little League game, etc.
He went to great lengths to hide his visits w/OW, which I guess is a positive.
So, I guess we're both pretending she's not in the picture.
I haven't been going with them for dinners for a while now, although he still asks me to come along.
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Ahhh, but that's the beauty of MLC. You CAN'T make a decision.
I know I could force a conclusion, but don't think it has any real value in it, except I would have an answer & it would likely be one that I wouldn't like. Pressure doesn't work with him (anyone, probably), & short of filing, there aren't many actions I can think of that would get me closer to my goals.
I don't ask any questions, which comes in handy for not having to hear, "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do."
So, I'm sticking with attracting him & doing my best to keep happy & relaxed.
There are almost daily stomach twisters to work thru though. Saturday it was trying to overlook his overnight bag in his car with the clothes he had on the day before. Today was running into a mutual friend telling me H called him a couple of weeks ago regarding a house he had for sale.
So SD, it looks like you're still in a holding pattern! Has anything changed lately at all?
I'm out of a computer tonight & part of tomorrow, but I'll pop over to your thread when I get back.
Just looking in on you. Looks like things are moving along for you just as fast as they are for me , which is very slow and I am not sure in what direction.
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So, I'm sticking with attracting him & doing my best to keep happy & relaxed
You sound so "together" and in control. I am impressed. The part about him not deciding sounds so familiar to me. I was thinking that the way things are going I may have to file to get a closure in my sitch. I don't think I am ready for that yet but I have been thinking about it trying to recognise the signs...
Then he calls our kids, I listen to him talking to them and I feel I can't do it to THEM... I am loosing my strength though, I can tell. Take care, thanks for your help, xxxKalni
Kalni, You have to also know that the kids will be affected in any case. You have to weight the impact of your unhappiness and exhaustion on them as well as the impact of having divorced parents. At some point, staying together "for the sake of the kids" can actually be worse than getting D'ed.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Well, looks like I'll finally be moving out of this forum.
I'm guessing that after my phone call to the OW a while back, suggesting she ask for the truth, H has gone completely into spending most of his time w/her & reassuring her that he's finally moving forward on the D, after 14 months. On Monday, when I asked if he was looking for a house to buy, he said "Well, I'm not coming back, at least not for a long time, maybe never."
When he arrived to P/U S5 yesterday for dinner, he was short, businesslike & distant. (Although he still asked if I wanted to go with them). Gone were the attempts at kissing/hugging. In there place was a run down of activities on the agenda, including sail planing today ("And please don't try to reach me, I won't be available").
Last weekend he cancelled getting together w/ S5 because he was going to the mountains, etc.
So, here's where it all "went pearshaped", as CK likes to call it.
When Mr. Cold left last night, he changed out his cars & left the one he had been driving parked in front of the house. He has used the booster seat out of my car, so I used the spare key to get it out. On the front console, there were a couple of folded notes from H to OW, talking about how upset he was that she wasn't answering his calls & wasn't home to meet him at the agreed time. "I thought you said Fridays were for us", and "I'm really bummed, because I'm thinking that this is no accident," etc.
What I got from that is that after my call to her, she began wanting to see real movement out of his M, & she was going to start distancing herself to get him off the fence.
I called him & basically said I was ready to hop off, that the cage door is wide open, I won't keep myself in this unhealthy sitch any longer.
Too which he replied, "You haven't changed a bit", "Our personalities together just don't work", & a few additional post bomb hits.
I did ask him, if he felt that way, why all the invitations, why didn't he file, and here's the topper;
"I didn't know for sure & infact didn't make up my mind until this very minute. We're done, beyond done, & I'll have an offer for you on Friday. I have to get some rest now, that's so your MO to call after 9pm. I have to get my thing's ready for tomorrow."
It appears that I'm out of limbo & that's a good thing. I have no regrets, & that's another good thing. I wouldn't trade what I learned here for anything. Or the friends I've met & made...
CVA when the H*ll are you coming back from your trip!!! A week without our nightly phonecalls is really tough to get thru!
Take Care,
Sunny
Thanks for dropping Dave, Sunshine Kalni & SD Didn't mean to bring the wrath on your thread (((SD)))
are you as calm as you sound? Did you expect that? I am sure you've gone through a lot of emotions these 14 months I am sure you are strong. Whatever you decide, you can count me on your side too (even if can't chat in the evenings). No regrets is what will help us sleep at nights... K
Sunny, Why do you believe him now any more than the other 100 times? He is in limbo land and likes it. As soon as he has her back and you start to move on...well, you know the rest! If there is to be an end, you will be the one to make it happen.
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Didn't mean to bring the wrath on your thread (((SD)))
This was exactly what I needed to get my a$$ in gear again. Thanks, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Where do you pick up some of these shady characters?!?!
Oh, Nomobabybabe...
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Hi. I'm kind of new here. May I ask: What is your goal? What is is you want from life now? Or your sitch? Or this man? Or yourself?
It's just like riding a bike for you, isn't it?? Leave us for months on end, and then cut to the heart of the matter in a single line of text...
These exact statements are going to be my latenight ruminations over the next few weeks (right now it will be early morning...just got home last night from a great (for me personally) trip and woke up at 3am this morning wide awake...)
I want to chew on this (for both you and me) and will give you my best shot shortly... Also will reply to your last post to me...hard for me to believe there's any chance any of it is so in my case, but still and all...
