I can't believe it has been 20 days since my last post. WCW when do we start working on the young ones? Swim season is nearing completion now and spring is not to far off. I may just need some more horsemanship skills on youngsters. As a matter of fact, I always need to strive to become a better horseman. My swim season has been great so far. We are approaching the end of the season and the team has surpassed expectations. I am sticking to my personal self and have changed my diet, along with w. W came to me last week and asked "please don't move out, I am getting really scared you are ready to leave for good." It appears that what I am doing is working and we are starting to build a better bond. OM is still in the picture, but he always will be given the circumstances with ss. W has not spent the night away from home in two weeks, and has had limited interaction with OM. Do I think things are over between them, no, but this is the longest stint were words from her and actions are lining up. She is showing more affection and all. I am still taking things in stride and riding the horse that brought me here. At times, when I feel myself getting sucked in, I back off. Sometimes just out of reaction, I suppose. I am getting paid more compliments, etc. Kinda nice, like typical h and w stuff, except with the 800 pound gorilla still in the room. I went to the dr. to get some things checked out(blood work, urinalysis and x rays) as I have always had some "tiredness" issues, but magnified at the start of the sitch and as I have leveled out over the past year have not gone away. They think that I have a sleep disorder since all tests came back fine. I will be checking into a sleep center in the next week to find out a course of action.
Cliffy - most of us here have sleep issues. You are going through a really hard time. It is most likely caused by anxiety. There are medications that can help you relax
W came to me last week and asked "please don't move out, I am getting really scared you are ready to leave for good." It appears that what I am doing is working and we are starting to build a better bond.
I love to hear good news! It is especially good because it is not just words but she is making the actions also. Congrats! There is a reason that apartment didn't come available when you were ready...
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WCW when do we start working on the young ones?
The day they are born, or the day you bring them home! It's a work in progress that never ends, just like a R with our spouses. I think it also depends on the horse and the bloodlines. I have a gelding that was basically untouched until I got him as a 2 year old, came off a ranch in ID. It took a long time with him just to get used to people but over the years he has turned into my 'gentle giant' and I use him for lessons. I have some other colts that are real easy and some that take twice as long and twice as much work. I have a 3 year old and 4 two year olds to start this year, and it's the first time in years I am not hosting a colt starting clinic. Go figure! just horsemanship classes. But hey, if you want some hands on experience with colts or need some help with yours, let me know.
I hope your tiredness isn't too serious. The stress you've endured over the last year and more can drag you down and if you aren't sleeping that's a double whammy. Have you compared any pictures of yourself from now to 2 years ago? how do you look? I caught a glimpse of me now and pre-thismessIamin, pretty scary.
Good to hear from you, check in more often if you can!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hi Cliffy, Good to hear from you! Seems like you have reached a point where your W's roller-coaster has limited impact on you. Now that's detachment. Also glad to hear that the swim team is doing well. Must feel great to watch the kids as they progress, physically and self-confidence wise.
I am curious, what did you say to W when she said she was scared that you were going to leave for good? Why is she scared? Financially? Emotionally? Just afraid to move on?
Just curious!
RE: Energy level, two things: 1. I went to a nutritianist about 4 mo. ago. Even though I was eating healthily, I was not getting enough carbs and also lacking in omega fatty acids. Basically started taking fish oil supplements, doubling up on starches and drinking a beer with dinner ( ). This made a huge difference in my energy level and ability to keep weight on.
2. My neighbor also had sleep issues which were affecting his energy level. He went to a sleep clinic and they figured out that it was breathing related. He got some sort of a contraption to wear at night which made a big difference.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
WCW, I have looked at pix from a few years ago and I look pretty much the same. Carrying my weight a bit better perhaps. I get the "I can't believe you are 36" quite often, maybe it is from being bald however.
SD, I have changed my diet from how I used to eat, but still lack a healthy diet in some respect. The "tiredness" thing has been going on for as long as I can remember, pre this sitch and marriage. It is now just catching up to me with more regularity. I have fallen asleep driving and standing up while teaching, mostly just a quick nod off, but nontheless it is scary. I bring this up to friends, w included and they tell me that I quit breathing during the night. So it looks like more of a sleep disorder, as opposed to health. I am in better shape now than 10 years ago. W explained to me that she is scared to lose me, loves me, I am her rock, etc. and can't understand how things got to this point, but still has her own demons. None of it is finacial related, because she makes considerably more than I.
Good to hear how things are going. I ask you, imagine if you heard those things from your W a few months back ? It would have been a huge step. But I suspect like a lot of us you have moved on somewhat from where you were then and there is perhaps a bit of WAS in us now.
In saying this , this is your reward for being a good DB'er she is seeing the stablity and changes you have worked hard for.
You know whats working now so stay with it .
The best thing is that you have choices but proceed with patience.
I would say the WAS in us likes to turn its ugly head. Proceeding with patience is definitely the only path I see right now. Had I heard these things several months ago, I did hear resemblances, but I would have considered it a huge step. Of course it is, but I think as we detach and accept the reality of the situation, you ground yourself and don't rush. I get the feeling at times that w wants me to leap, but in all reality nothing has changed, just a different level I suppose.
Hello all, been a long time once again. I have had a few melt downs, but continue on my path for what is right for me. W and I have recently had a few arguments, which is good for me, as I have been letting too much slide and usually have avoided confrontation unless I had a few to drink.
Good to hear from you, There is only one path and thats the one thats right for you , The best thing is that its not set in concrete and you can choose to alter course if its the right thing to do. The letting go of fear and confronting your W when needed is I think healthy . Dave
