Well I have been around newcomers for about a year and thought it was time to move over here. Not sure, as I am still in limbo with a plan to move in the next few weeks provided I can work out a few things financially. I thought I would be moving to piecing a couple of times now, but looks like the S path may be my last chance to save my M. W and I are still amicable and lately I have shut down some, with W seeming to pursue a little. Asking questions, ILY a couple of times, and a bit more affection. I have not yet had the talk about the move with her, as I need to sell a few of my horses to be able to afford the move. I told her several weeks ago that I was looking for a place, but have left it at that. I still do not want this M to end, but have come to terms with it.
Welcome cliffy! Sorry to see you here... but here's hoping for the best for all of us. OK here's to KNOWING the future will be better. So sorry that you have to sell some of your horses, I'd be so sad!! But glad you've found a place.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
welcome , realy didnt want to see you here though. Are you as calm in real life as you appear to be here ? As Nikki says we Know the future will be better what ever happens.
Same sentiment here... Sorry to see that you are having to move to this forum. For me, the transition to the eventual separation was a set of baby steps that actually gave me an empowered position that I had not had, or realized I could achieve, during my 7 months of DB'ing. When I first realized that I 'probably' needed to separate I took a few baby 'steps', I opened a new bank account and a PO Box. A month went by with half-hearted looking for a suitable apartment, but in the back of my mind I was afraid to take that next 'step'. After a particularly bad incident (OM related) I woke up the next morning hell bent on forcing myself to do something. I shifted focus and narrowed my search down to a couple of possible places. The following day I scribbled my name on the lease and wrote the checks. Two more 'steps', and I was getting bolder with each. Over the next week and a half I moved my stuff (step #5), had a talk with the kids (step #6), and finally moved the required furniture (step #7). Once I took those steps the balance of power was restored as I felt most definitely in control of myself. The pressure between the two of us came off immediately. Since that time (little less than two months) my PMA has soared and day-by-day I am becoming at peace with whatever might come.
I guess what I'm saying to you is that a SEP can be a positive. It could be the "Shock and Awe" 180 that SG talks about in the other post. By virtue of having to take the physical steps required in order to pull off the SEP you can be forced to take some (probably) much needed steps in a new direction. It doesn't have to be the end, just a new chapter.
Don't be scared to take some steps, and don't use financial stuff as a crutch if you truly feel the steps will help. For me, doing the SEP makes the money tight, but I finally feel in control and I'm doing better everyday.
Thanks for the welcome to this forum. Dave, I would say that I am this calm most of the time and have been most of the sitch. With the usual being overcome with anxiety from time to time. Steve, thanks for your words, I certainly appreciate them. I feel the steps will help and may just be the "shock and awe" that I need for myself and possibly with W. Who knows what will transpire down the road for us, but unfortunately I need to cut some expenses to even live on a tight budget. This will happen, but is taking more time than I thought it would. New chapters! New beginnings! Being Thankful!
Hi Cliffy, Good to see that your spirits are up. Hope you have something good planned for Thanksgiving.
BTW, Steve is an amazing example of a stich where a Sep. was clearly the right thing. You could feel his frustration and anger in his posts prior to the Sep. Now he sounds completely calm and collected. Amazing how a little distance can take the pressure off the sitch.
Happy Turkey Day! SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Cliffy, just know that everyone here is pulling for you big time and that we will be here whenever you are in need. You've been a rock for so many others for so long, it is the least we can do.
You'll know when/if the time is right for you. Until then, keep that chin up!
Just a thought cliffy, if you are always so calm maybe throw in a bucket of emotion as a 180? My H is USUALLY very calm, at least on the outside, and sometimes I want to just SHAKE him and say 'doesn't any of this bug the sh!t out of you enough to change it?'
Make a happy day on this day of Thanks!
ps - keep the water trough out of the wind when you're taking a bath.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
