Hard to function after the divorce...

[Dom R]

A gf is not marriage, I am trying to move on with my life. Sometimes things can come around though, this was not the case a month ago.

If you want suggestions on if you can reconcile with your wife, and how to do that, then this is the place for you.



If you want to "move on" away from your marriage, then this is not the place for you.


It sounds like there is actually a lot to build on, if you wanted to reconcile with your wife.

My marriage is over. I have a friendship with my wife and nothing more.

Deciding to reconcile, isnt about "when i/we feel something, then we will work on things". it's about deciding to work on things, which brings the feelings back when you put the effort in.

She has not indicated that she wants to work things out at all.

The most important question here, is whether you do or not.

[AKmusic]

Dom,
I'm curious why you think so? I mean she does care about what happens to me and she did say that she wants me to be happy, I'm curious to see what you think. The other thing I forgot to say was the other night she cried, I have not seen her get emotional in a year. What is that about? She also said that she likes the man I am being with my gf, she said she wished she could have had that influence on me when we were married. And lastly, is there a large percentage of people that reconcile with their ex after a divorce?

[Just_Me]

AK,

It isn't usual to hear the kind of things that your ex is saying to you. Maybe it would be worthwhile to actually talk straight. If reconciling with your ex-W is something that you want, then maybe you do need to have that discussion. Since you are divorced and you are both in relationships, beating around the bush doesn't cut it. I would consider what she has said to be subtle clues that she considers you a good guy and possibly wonders what it would be like to try again with you. But that's just speculation. The only way you can really know what she's thinking is by asking her. If she shoots you down, then I guess you won't have to wonder anymore whether she's interested. It would make it easier to move forward (and away from your X).

[alamogirl]

Adding my 2 cents worth...I kind of agree with Dom. Dom is giving it to you straight, and you don't like it.

One thing that bothers me about your post is the part you said that you "pretended to be someone else" and you slept with this person who is now your gf. It seems to me that your gf is the one taking all the chances of getting hurt while you and your ex continue to play games with each other.

What do you want?

What does your ex want?

Just because she admires the man you've become doesn't mean she wants you back.

If you want changes, the changes start with you. You can't change your ex or your gf. But you can change yourself.

Heed what Dom tell you. Understand that a lot of us are in this situation because of spouses like you.

alamogirl

[Dom R]

thanks to alamogirl for the female validation
now to reply to AK,

And lastly, is there a large percentage of people that reconcile with their ex after a divorce?

There is a noticable percentage. "large" is irrelevant. What is surprising to me personally, is that it isnt zero.
The biggest anti-factor, is that one party gets remarried, so it becomes impossible.

What is even more remarkable (if not just plain twisted! is when sometimes, BOTH parties get married to someone else... but eventually, years later, end up marrying each other again


So, it is certainly a possibility for you, if you choose it.
What is even more remarkable, is the accounts of people who have decided to "give it another try", even when things were relatively nasty around the time of the divorce.

In your situation, seems like most of the work is "done" already.

You like the way she is (?)
She likes the way you are now.

Heck, she's even made wistful noises about you, and her, and marriage.

"she said she wished she could have had that influence on me when we were married. "

She may not directly say, "I want to give things another try between us".

But that quote from her right there, says that she's been thinking that sort of thing, at least indirectly.


PS: 10 page letters, arent usually taken seriously.
thats probably why you didnt get a response. waaay too much.



If you want to talk about what and how, for reconcilingn with your wife, then i suggest you start out by describing, in detail, what was wrong with your marriage. from BOTH sides.

Why she wanted a divorce, why you just gave it to her, and how you think you both are possibly different people now.

Plus also, what you think a "good marriage" would look like between you both, in contrast to what you used to have together.