Oh man I messed up !

[Manwithaheart]

I had a really bad day yesterday and really messed things up with my W.

recap... W moved back in Sept labour day weekend. Told me she was not seeing OM anymore.

Found out a week back she went and saw him. She told me up front and I expressed my disapproval.

Sunday she went to a GF of hers and had a few drinks. Proceeded to drive home and could notmake it. The house where OM lives (5 others in house) happens to be on the way home. She decided to head over there to crash out. Never called me or anything to let me know. I woke up 4:30am Monday morning to not find her home.

I snapped... suspected she may be at OM house I proceeded to drive there and see if I saw her car... I did and lost it. Could not go to work dueto feeling ill over it. I returned later and decided to wait to see if I saw her come out. Insted I saw a guy walking her dog. I approtched him and proceeded to yell at this person to tell me where she was. W called me a few min later and told me all is well and felt if it was a good idea to let the situation defuse. I found out the guy walking the dog was the OM !!! good thing for me I did not know this when talking to him or I would have kicked the S#$% out of him.

THis is where all goes bad... out of complete blind anger I called her mother and told her I can't deal with all this BS her daughter was putting me through and told her everything and I meen everything. One of the number one rules not to do and I bloody well did it.

so needless to say I really upset her Mom and her and saying she can't trust my loose lips.

I have a big hole to dig out of now. My W said she is not mad at me but is for what I told her mom. She is affiad to call her own mom now.

My W understands she should have called me and should not have gone to the OM house... it was a compelete tit for tat on our part... I feel like crap now and wonder if I should call her mom back and explain it is not as bad as I made it out to be... not sure what to do to help the situation...

I want to hide under a rock now... I know my W is really hurt by what I did and knows I was really hurt for what she did... I just don't know guys.. need some advice.

[RedHeadWife]

Let it die down and then go from there.

[cat03]

I'd talk to her mom, tell her you were too upset and that you said somethings in anger, that you regret doing it because you guys are working it out and want this M to work and that both you and W want to put all the crap behind you and not talk about it again (that way she wont' grill your w about it). I think it is the responsible thing to do since you were the one who spilled the beans.

[Manwithaheart]

Thankz guys... yeah I called her mom and talked to her for a bit and seemed to calm her down a little.

Asked her to let us work on this and that it is not as bad as I made it out to be when we spoke. She thanked me for telling her.

She said she would pray for us.

So it is not to bad.. spoke with my W again and told her I called and she thanked me. She is still upset about it, but understands I was angry. We will talk about it tonight..

Man-o-man live and learn... the hard way !

[cat03]

hey, it happens, I would've also hit the roof if my H would've done that.

yes, live and learn :P

[C_K]

MwH

You did not mess up . She did , what was she thinking?? Do not beat yourself up over this.

Dave

[Manwithaheart]

Thankz C_K for comming by !

I know, but I can't help not to...

Glad I have a C appointment tonight ! I need to vent a little about things more.

Last night seemed to go well between us. Mind you she came home 1hr late and did not bother asking her why.

I asked her if she wanted to take the dog for a walk and we did. After we got home we made dinner together and chit chatted about this and that.

We started to touch on the subject of Monday again, but kept it short.

Had to call my mom and went down to the basement to have some "Me" time talking to mom. My buddy from next store came by while I was on the phone and my W let him in. After the call He and I ended going through youtube and break.com to look at funny stuff.

Then my W came down to see what we where up to and kinda looked at me as to why I was not spending time with her.

Around 11ish I went upstairs and had a smoke with her and told her I was going to bed. Few min later she came in to the room and lied beside me (we still sleep in sep beds) put my arm around her and she fell asleep. Passed out myself and woke up a few hours later and found her to have left to the spare bedroom.

So I continue to see possitive signs regardless of our set backs.

[Manwithaheart]

Ok so I am just posting to vent a little...

I am truly finding peicing very hard!

So the most part things are going Ok between my W and I. She has been home 3 months as of Nov 30th. Still in sep beds and still no intimacy.

I feel this wall up in front of me anytime I want to get close to her. It has now come to the point I will no longer bother trying anymore due to the fact I can no longer handle the rejection.

My primary LL is physical touch, and while there has been hugs and kisses on the cheek and a back rub I got last night. I still feel almost dead inside and unloved. I feel so depressed about things in general. I crave the need to be desired and wanted.

I have come off the track and need to get back on. My C says it sounds like I am emotinally burnt out and should focus on myself and what I want to do. My hobbies are of no interest to me as of late.

My focus has been to much on her and no enough on me. Atleast this time I can see it unlike before this whole bomb dropped.

I just wish she would talk to me or atleast get some help.

[cat03]

on the same boat here, H sleeps in a sep room and I know it is hard. What really helped me is to undersdand this : (heard it on the radio from a writer about couples) that intimacy is meaningful when the couple has emotional intimacy first, then the physical part is an addition. So, right now, she is not feeling safe yet, on my end, H is afraid that if we start being intimate we wont' address our many issues and things won't get settled. So it is not a rejection of me as a person, but a way to not forget that we need to fix things. Prob not the best to go about fixing our M, but I have learned to respect that, it took me the past 2.5mths to stop being upset about that.

I am emotinally burnt out and should focus on myself and what I want to do. My hobbies are of no interest to me as of late.

My focus has been to much on her and no enough on me.
=======================
Again, just BTDT, you must find enjoyment and happiness for YOU, so she doesn't feel pressured to be intimate. Rejection hurts, I now, but for the time being she is not ready, you are, but she is not, she will be.
Hang in there, I know it is hard, but it is one step at a time.

[Just_Me]

I can't understand this situation as actually, "piecing", but maybe that's what it is. I never spent time over here after reconciling with my XW. But I find it hard to imagine piecing without the ILYs or sleeping together. I wouldn't have even tried to piece without the feelings being there. If there is no intimacy, it's hard to envision that the feelings are there. How do the others on this site deal with that?

manwithaheart, I think you had every reason to be upset. Obviously you handled it poorly, but I would find her explanation hard to swallow.

P.S. I think you need to focus on yourself and your own growth for now. As long as she's not completely "in it", I would proceed as though she isn't and look after some of my own needs.