We're going on seven weeks since ILYBINILWY. Thus far, I've been able to get into bed and get a good night's sleep without a single issue.
For the past few nights, I've started dreaming - and it's getting worse. I'm dreaming about her and projecting all of my thoughts and worries into worst-case-scenario dreams about what she's doing. It had me awake no less than five times last night.
Is this normal? Can I hope that it will run its course and end very soon, so I can get back to normal sleep patterns?
-- Mike
Mike is Hurtin': Me: 32 W: 32 No kids M: 8 years, T: 10 years Bomb: ILYBINILWY: 9/11/07 Seperated: 10/13/07
W still states OM is just a friend, and the kiss on 06/2007 was a one-time thing.
I don't remember if I actually had dreams that kept me awake, but when my D sitch was going on, I actually took an over the counter sleep aid. Kind of like Tylenol PM, but w/o the Tylenol and it helped a lot.
Unfortunately, 7 wks is still early into your sitch. It's going to take time for you two to work through to either making your M better or ending it.
Just keep plugging away & try one of the over the counter sleep aids to help you sleep.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hi, The over the counter sleep aids work well. I usually only take half the recommended dose so I'm not too groggy the next day. Or, if I don't have any of those available, a glass or 2 of wine does it for me!
Exercise will also help you -- get those endorphins going!! Not an easy task to make yourself get into when you're going through this. I really let my exercise regimen lapse at first, but now I make myself do it. I always feel better afterwards.
Exercise will also help you -- get those endorphins going!! Not an easy task to make yourself get into when you're going through this. I really let my exercise regimen lapse at first, but now I make myself do it. I always feel better afterwards.
Thanks for the advice. I'm not a fan of taking meds - but I am a fan of working out. Not long after the ILYBINILWY bomb, I joined a gym, and have been going religiously at least four times a week. That's been a big help.
I'm definitely going to work out this afternoon - I think I need it. :-)
-- Mike
Mike is Hurtin': Me: 32 W: 32 No kids M: 8 years, T: 10 years Bomb: ILYBINILWY: 9/11/07 Seperated: 10/13/07
W still states OM is just a friend, and the kiss on 06/2007 was a one-time thing.
I go back and forth, one night of good sound sleep, then a night of tossing and turning, waking up A LOT. Oh and the dreams....It comes and goes for me. Hopefully you can get back into some good sleep. Its so important. I haven't taken anything and don't plan on it, but I can see why its needed at times.
the dreams will lighten up some, assuming you are processing your emotions and any new bombs when you are awake. are you in therapy now? ic can help a lot with this. so can journaling. if you aren't doing anything to process this stuff, though, it has to come out one way or the other, and dreams are something you can't quite control.
I never took sleep aids, either. I didn't sleep at first, then finally did here and there, then the dreams started, but therapy and time and journaling all helped to stop them. now I have a very rare one.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I went through a really weird time a few weeks ago where I dreamt of this crap EVERY NIGHT!! It's like you don't get any relief from it. I really do think it's your mind's way of helping you through it. As long as you aren't getting panicky about it, you are probably healing.
W and I attended marriage counseling for a few weeks. She dropped out after the second session; her excuse was that there was too much "bashing" going on. I vehemently disagree with this assessment; at no point would I characterize any of our discussions as "bashing", and I took the bulk of the criticisms despite her affair, which she did NOT tell the counselor about.
I am continuing to see the counselor on my own. Right now we're getting together once weekly, and that feels about "right" for the time being.
I also run a blog, and have done a fair bit of writing about what's going on. Obviously I don't plunge into a lot of detail (I certainly don't talk about things like the affair and OG, etc.); most of what I'm writing about is my own response and reaction to this. That helps a lot - and it's amazing how many people have emailed me out of the blue, to share their own experiences.
It really is amazing how a community of people can help.
-- Mike
Mike is Hurtin': Me: 32 W: 32 No kids M: 8 years, T: 10 years Bomb: ILYBINILWY: 9/11/07 Seperated: 10/13/07
W still states OM is just a friend, and the kiss on 06/2007 was a one-time thing.
I too suffered a lot of insomnia and poor sleep for weeks after the bomb. I would wake up at the oddest hours -- I would go out in the wee hours of the morning just walking because I couldn't go back to sleep. It wasn't until we separated and I began getting somewhat accustomed to this distance did my sleep patterns begin to return to "normal". I also began to occasionally take some over-the-counter Melatonin to help with the quality of my sleep (it would make me feel too drowsy some mornings because of it however. So I can't take it very often.)
But it was in the weeks leading up to the bomb that I should have paid so much more attention to the intensity and nature of the dreams I was having. I woke up one night maybe a month before the bomb in a cold sweat, crying. I went back to sleep eventually but it haunted me the rest of the day. In my dream I went and confronted a "nebulous" (in a dream sort of way, if you know what I mean) person in their home because my W was for some reason hiding from me there. This guy was basically telling me to get lost and that my W was sharing his bed now. Until that dream I had never had any reason to ever doubt my wife, and so I just thought how lucky I was it was "only a dream."
Later that morning I mentioned to W that I had not gotten a good night's sleep because of bad dreams. She asked me what about, and I then told her that I had been particulaly upset with this dream concerning her having an A with someone else. I now think back on that conversation with my W, and I remark on how quiet she was with me upon hearing me relate this to her. In hindsight, I should have been worried that W did not at that point attempt to console me, or state to me that I had nothing to worry about with regards to her love for me, as one might normally expect.
No, she did not really say anything -- except maybe to say she hoped I would get a better night's sleep -- and I realize now that her reaction should have been a warning to me, not to mention the dream itself.
