I have been fighting with my wife over our relationship for the last 5 months. I have tried to DB and saw some results. Over the last two weeks, it has taken a turn for the worse.
My W does not come home when she goes out with friends. She leaves the house almost as soon as I get home. When she is around there is no conversation whatsoever. The major reason why at least the last week has been bad was due to the fact that I found out she has been having an EA/PA with one of her father's friends.
She does not want counseling and has blamed me for all that is wrong in her life. I am going to set an appointment with a lawyer to discuss my options regarding our son. Through all of this I still want her back. I have come to the realization that it probably never will happen but I have to move forward...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
I see you have 200+ posts, dating back to July. Tell us what you have been doing. What works? What is not working? GAL's? Have you read DR?
You wrote: She does not want counseling and has blamed me for all that is wrong in her life.
Dude, join the club. Most folks here have a spouse who feels the same way. I say that not to diminish the importance, but rather to give you the sense that you are among people who have walked in your shoes. We live that every day.
Have you detached? Does she live with you? We need a bit more background in order to help.
In all honesty, nothing has really seemed to work. I have detached and GAL. I have tried to stay out of her way and let her go do what she wants. I have asked for reason why we, as a family, do not do anything. I have tried to initiate activities for the two of us. I have tried to just be a friend. I have "gone cold". I just think that she does not want the marriage any more and is waiting until the OM, who I heard her tell him that she wants to have his children, will let her move in with him. Through all of this she has told me with no remorse that she does not care if I slept with other women, that she is bored in our R, that she does not have fun when she goes out with me, and that I am to blame for the person she has become in life.
I have read DR and the only thing that I have left is the LRT. I am ready to use it just to get resolution to the matter. She still lives with me but we sleep in seperate rooms and lead seperate lives outside of our son.
One of the toughest parts about all of this is that tomorrow is my birthday. She has pestered me for gift ideas and all I want to say is honesty and confront her on the remark to the OM I overheard. I am not a coward, I am going to confront her about it. I want to have some things covered for me and my son before I do so.
Hope that helps...
Last edited by NoDirection; 10/31/0706:24 PM.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
ND, You are in a difficult position. There is no easy way out of this. There is great distance in your M.
You can issue an ultimatum, and then follow-thru with your threat if it doesn't work. You can also practice DB strategies which require a great deal of patience and maturity.
Your commitment to the M is being tested.
When there is distance in the M, you have to measure progress by months, not days. You will need to be strong, patient, and civil. You will need to think more in terms of yourself versus being a couple.
It is the return of strength and vitality that will give you a different perspective on things and restore some balance to your life, so you don't get overwhelmed by the problems.
You have to decide which path you want to follow.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
She does not want counseling and has blamed me for all that is wrong in her life.
Hi, I'm LWB, the reason for my H's affair. Yep, it hurts, its never true, but they won't be convinced otherwise.
I am sorry about your situation. First I think you are right about getting some legal advice (even if there is no action) about your son and finances. Second, I think a LRT is due here, but only do it when you are ready to back it up. I say this, because I am not ready to do this. She is lost, and maybe it will wake her up a bit. Take care!
Before filing for divorce, perhaps one of you can move out. A physical separation may help bring some reality to the situation and allow her to understand what her life will be like without you in it... and if OM really is the "knight in shining armor" she imagines him to be.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
For my son, I am not going to move out. Even if we move forward with D, I plan on staying in the house for our son. he is my top priority right now. I am ready for the LRT and confront her on the OM in an attmept to move forward with our lives, either way.
I honestly do believe that this will serve as a wake up call to the reality that she has created. I also do believe she will leave. After hearing that she wanted to have kids with the OM and her telling him that she has never felt the way she has when she is with him. I am ready to move forward with or without her.
Last edited by NoDirection; 11/02/0704:12 PM.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Brother... I feel your pain. It's very hard to deal with that while she is in the house.
Not sure what advice I can give you other than to keep posting on here.
I'm in a similiar situation, my W is out in her own apartment. The one thing I can tell you is that you have to let the PA run it's course. While she is in the "euphoria" stages, there is nothing you can so or do to convince her she is in the wrong.
Best thing is to continue with GAL (that's for you not her) and taking care of your son.
I have been GAL. This has gone on for 5 months now and there really is no end in sight for the PA. I want her to know that I am aware that there is something going on... She will find out that this guy is not for her but the question that I have is she the one for me?
I do still love her and want to keep my family together. I can forgive her for her actions but I do not know if she will forgive me for mine. Whatever the resolution may be, I just want to move forward...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
I can definitely understand. I think it was worse while my W was in the house. I knew where she was going.. she lied all the time. It was crazy.
You definitely need to focus on what you want. I've hit the same crossroad. Is this really the woman I want to be with?
Well.. .the woman that is there now... No. Am I open to possibly finding that woman again? Yes.
Problem she will have is I may not be "available" when she wants to come back.
Move forward... that is the only thing you can control. Doesn't mean you don't love her or don't want what's right for the family. Quite the opposite actually.
