Hi everyone. Doing well. Busy. Been thinking I need to post a major update. Hopefully will find the time. T, I will look for your thread now. SD, got your vm. Will call you in the next couple days. Will also look for your thread.
Later, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I meant to post an update today, but I am running out of time. Truth be told, some of my guy friends are drinking vino and beers this afternoon, and I am going to join them. So - only a miniupdate now, with all the details to follow later.
I have decided it is time to move on. I've spent a very intense, emotion-filled 11 months since W and I "looked into the abyss" on 1-22-07. Beyond that, it was more than 2.5 years since my W first told me she wasn't sure she loved me anymore (Mother's Day 2005 and our D's 2nd birthday). The last time W and I made love was August 2005!!! Wow.
W is done. Her perception is reality. She just doesn't have it in her to forgive me for my shortcomings from a few years ago, and to try to fix our problems. I know in my heart we could. Two people who really want to fix a R can do almost anything. But W doesn't believe that, and isn't willing to try, and in a way saying you can't control someone else really means that others have the right not to try. So, I decided in the last few weeks (and really the last few days) that it is time for me to get on with my life, and I am at peace with this. I really am. Of course, there is more mourning and grieiving to do, and I am doing this openly.
I have told our kids and they are handling it as expected. SOme anger, sadness, hurt, tears, questions, but really they will adjust/adapt. They are so smart and so sensitive, and W and I both love and adore them so they will always feel loved. S7 was very angry the first night, but night two was better. D4 is soaking it in. The logisitics will occur over the next 4 - 6 months I believe. The D will be amicable. We will mediate or do a Texas collaborative D.
I will give lots more details later, but don't feel sad for me. I know I have made very effort I could make to save my marriage. I can look at myself in the mirror, and I can stare at the ceiling at night, without any feeling of doubt about my efforts to do the right thing. I am proud of my efforts, and I have grown tremendously this year (thanks largely to my Ts, and Michele's book, and this board and people I've met here - you know who you are). It is time to put my money where my mouth is, and to capitalize on this second chance at life, this second chance at happiness, that my sitch has forced upon (but really gifted to) me.
Things I want to do for me: (1) get in great shape again (flatbellies here I come), (2) spend more time (again) helping newcomers and others here (if I can), (3) start playing competitive tennis again (I was a two-time All-American many years and many more pounds ago, and I'd like to get a state ranking in the 40s this year), (4) take some dance lessons, (5) maybe take up guiter or re-take up piano, (6) date lots of women, but none exlusively yet (just wanted to have fun and be fun to be with), (7) get back on track at the office, and (8) try to have Fun Nomo in the driver's seat more than Pusher Nomo (many people I know have commented that this year they have seen me being more like I was ten years ago, and I feel it too).
What else? Can't think of much more right now. I love all of you people here, and I appreciate all the support. I know we wil stay in touch, but I just felt like saying that!!!
Later, Nomo :grin (my three favorite smiley faces!!!)
PS - As always, any and all comments, questions and feedback welcomed!
PSS - may need to update my sig!
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Glad to see you updating things, Nomo! Haven't read it yet, but I will sometime this evening and get back to you. Gotta go pump some iron in an effort to continue chiseling and sculpting the perfect body!
Wow, I never come in here anymore and wander in to find this.
I think you have made a brave decision and you are handling it with great courage. Yes, the kid part of this whole thing is very heart-breaking, but I know that you and W will do right by them, whatever it is that they may need.
When I finally closed the door on my marriage is when I finally felt so much better. I know that is dangerous to say here at DB newcomers (which is why I don't really post here anymore), but it is true for me. You have put an amazing effort into saving your M and you are right to feel justified that you have done everything you could have done.
Sounds like you have a good plan for moving on with life, not that I am surprised by that!
