NoDirection, Hey man, I totally understand where you are coming from, it was only through time, that I realized that I didn't want to be with the person that my W has become. I am in a better place, now. I pray the same for you.
Life is always uncertain, you never know what is going to happen, but if you have the Lord on your side, then you know that sooner or later, everything is going to be Okay.
The battle for my kids, has been going on for quite a while, though not in the legal sense. It has been her using them to get to me, and that I will no longer tolerate. In the coming year, I will be filing for full custody of them. They want to be with me, and this sitch has gone on long enough. I know that they love their mom, but she is not returning that love to them, and they know as well. As the person that I am, I would never deny my kids the rights to have a relationship with her, if they wanted it. I know that she says that she would never want to see them, again, if they lived with me, but I have to believe that in time, all her wounds will heal, and she will wake up, and see that a relationship with them, doesn't mean that she has to have one with me. Only time will tell, who knows where her head/heart is, I can't worry about that now.
Sorry to go on, about my sitch in your thread, like this, but I hope through, what I have written you can understand, that things do get better. Time and God does heal the wounds. You are in my prayers, take care.
Rain, No worries about you talking about your sitch. Like I have said before, I think you are me, in many ways, six months in advance.
All I am worried about in all of this is that I have time with my son. I want to have a relationship that my son can see the love I have for him. I want to be involved and an influence in his life. I also want him to have a relationship with his M. It is important for his development.
She has hurt me in so many ways but even through all of this, I woud at least try to work it out. I do still love her and want the best for her, but we would have to go through a lot of counseling to even reconsider getting back together.
I know God has a plan for me. I always think of Jeremiah 29:11 and relax. It is the humanistic part of me that wants it now... Without the pain, joy is a worthless feeling.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Yeah he will. I actually had a civil conversation about the future with my so to be XW. She is still trying to control things and how I go about living my life. I made mention that things can and have changed and I am going to do things how I want to do them. Of course I made it clear that our S is my top priority.
I am very cautious with her. I think she is doing this for our son but also to try and keep some of the things that she has done away from her family.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
NoDirection, I know you will keep fighting the good fight for yourself and your son, and stay on your guard when it comes to her.
On that note, I'd like to talk about trust, to me, trust is something that one has to earn, and once it has been earned, then broken, it is very hard to get it back, especially with the one who broke it. I, myself, am learning to trust again, but I don't think I will ever be able to trust my W, again, on anything. My thinking is this, at this time, I don't want anything to do with her. I just want to live my life, my way. I was controlled so much during the M, so now that I have found my freedom/self, I will let that happen, again.
Life is crazy sometimes, as the Rolling Stone's put it"You Can't Always Get What You Want, but If You Try Sometimes, You Get What You Need" Never a truer statement, in my sitch. Take care.
That statement rings true here as well. The trust issue is the same here. Since our son is so small I have to trust her, in order to work with her, when it comes to our son. I do not trust her much further than that.
I know she can never be completely out of my life but I want it that way as we move forward. i feel like when things got tough, she walked away. I saw what I was doing wrong and changed but she did not want to take part in it. All I have wanted is for her to be happy, if that is it, then go...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
On that note, I'd like to talk about trust, to me, trust is something that one has to earn, and once it has been earned, then broken, it is very hard to get it back, especially with the one who broke it. I, myself, am learning to trust again, but I don't think I will ever be able to trust my W, again, on anything. My thinking is this, at this time, I don't want anything to do with her. I just want to live my life, my way. I was controlled so much during the M, so now that I have found my freedom/self, I will let that happen, again.
Trust is a complicated thing - I pretty much don't trust anyone beyond a certain point, which has always made life difficult. I obviously trust some more than others, but I think it's harder to trust our own judgment than it is to trust someone else.
As for W - I think given time I could trust her completely again. That said, much like many things, one hiccup and you're back to square one with it all. I don't really get in my own head what the difference is between a new person building trust, and someone you know already working to regain it. Maybe it's just because everyone starts at the bottom of the ladder with me
