And of course I understand more than many how you feel about living and working in the same place as H, with everyone knowing your business...but even that isn't the part of your post that is so striking to me.
Originally Posted By: always_14
I am done letting this whole thing stop my life, and it's nobody's fault but mine. I want to move forward and put the whole D resolution on the back burner of life, the bottom of the pole. It deserves as much time and energy as it's worth in life - very little. I will move forward now, and other things will sort themselves out.
How wonderful to have reached this place of detachment and acceptance, and this sense of priority. It is very inspiring indeed.
Always - thank you for that post. You are such an inspiration. Someone who has taken almost unimaginble emotional abuse from a person that she had the grace to love.
Of course you were hurt. You would have ben abnormal not to have been deeply hurt. You have a deep capacity to love.
I moved away from my town a the beginning of July, and I will be frank, it was tough at first, but now I am settled in Central London for as long as I wnat to be here [friend's aparetment, who actually wants me to be living in it, so it isn't empty!]
It is good being where everyone doesn't know your story ... I hated that. I don't mind people I know and love knowing, because they know the truth, but I hate being discussed and pitied
I can now see that the move, for me, was a good one. This is not where I am going to live for the rest of my life, I don't think, but it is a good place for now.
It is invidious to single peole out on these boards, as I have got so much from so many good people - including a couple of people I particularly value for having hit me with a 2x4. {I hope they know who they are, and how much I like and respect them for their brutal kindness]. But you are very special. Honest, fearless, full of insight and love for others. You write beautifully, and project integrity.
Please, if you ever leave these boards, which would be a terrible loss, keep in contact.
BBA - I am so d*mn envious of you and ALways getting together! Please raise several glasses to me.
Seriously let's plan on getting together in the States in 2008.
I can now see from your example and Always that actually getting the divorce over helps us to move on/forwards, and that what we resisted and didn't want can actually be a blessing to us.
Always...........I wish you everything you hope for........your life is bright and filled with color again, I know that you will light other people's lives too, just like you have mine and all the other BB'ers !! You are admirable ! I hope that one day I will have your inner peace and strength !
Take care dear friend xxxxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Sweets, you can be envious of me for getting to see my two lovies, but they may not feel you have any reason to be envious of them. Lovely Liss and Always have truly committed themselves to a tour of combat duty by agreeing to accompany me to this wedding. They've written themselves into the will, I can tell you that.
But I hope along the way we will have lots of time to laugh and cry and hug, not to mention sit by the pool and be waited on by real pool boys.
Yes, we will definitely make plans to get together in '08, I would love nothing better.
I don't know whether actually getting the divorce, in my case, helped me to move forward...as you recall, Pedro was hellbent, and he got his divorce at warp speed. I had very little time to really absorb what was happening, and just had to go into defensive mode to protect and preserve my life and assets. I didn't have time to work through letting go before the marriage itself was legally terminated.
That has been a process that has come since. It's been a combination of things: taking responsibility for things that I didn't have to before, and succeeding (assuming my mortgage, repairing fence); surviving scares and difficulties (house being struck by lightning, mare being lost); building friendships with people that otherwise would not have come into my life; and most importantly, developing a relationship with God from which I have been transformed into a much more compassionate, patient, humble, forgiving person.
We will definitely raise glasses to you, and make plans to see you soon, with love, BA
BBA - not nasty envious, I promise you, but now you mention real pool boys, and stting around having drinks with those two sweeties, well all I can say is why wasn't I invited!!
I suppose that I meant that getting through the divorce marks some sort of breakpoint - and yes I know that some people get back together after the divorce. You seemed extraordinarily together to me while you were going through your double quick time divorce. I so longed for my marriage to be restored, but now I can see that I have grown so much, while my h is stil an emotional toddler - he went backwards, and I went forwards. Life is good, life is sweet. As the hymn says 'No guilt in life, no fear in death'.
On the rare occasions I talk to my h I can now see what a sad and tormented soul he has become. Initially he used to be 'in control' of our interchanges, and I was too broken and humiliated, too fearful and unsure of myself to respond properly. Now I can see he is just a total mess, beginning, sadly, to reap the full consequences of his self-destructive and cruel behaviour to those to whom he owed the most in terms of love and care. No gloating, but compassion.
Hugs, A
And yes, I hope we do go on growing and developing. My mother did until her dying day, and admired her so much for that.
Hi Always, my friend. "Amazing, as always", is how I would describe you. I understand about the desire to move. It has been much much harder for me to stay here than I thought, and I was here long before H, and H moved 20 minutes down the coast to another town, and still it was hard. So I have thought a lot about creating a new business with the possibility of having several locations, so I can travel more and heal that bit by bit. Because I do not want to leave my home town after 35 years, but the healing takes some time, and creating some new memories. Let me know if you want a tour of my beautiful town when you're considering where next! We could use more people like you in the world, and if you ended up in my realm, so much the better.
Big big hug to BBA and Lissie when you are all together. What an amazing trio of powerful women, all of whom I respect and admire. You are in good company.
Hugs to you.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
None of what you said is negative. In fact, I can't think of anything I've ever read from you that was really, truly negative. I'm so glad that you've found that place of serenity and clarity within yourself! The best part is that when it's inside you, you take it wherever you go.
So, 12 weeks. What are you doing with that time in terms of plans?
