some people who have written about their attempts at marital recovery, have written about the hazards and pains of having the person move back too soon.
It's odd that your counsellor seemed to focus completely on "getting him back in the house", without any safeguards. Did they not say ANYthing else?
like, asking him if he is interested in exploring a better marriage together? and/or if he is "done with" this other woman?
If he is done with the other woman, (TRUELY), then I would guess it's a great idea. Otherwise....
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Hi Laurel - I'm wondering.. do you know whether the baby is his? The pregnancy certainly complicates your situation but isn't impossible to overcome. I've really stopped being concerned about this OW thing because I believe that people do what they want to do. If he wanted to divorce me, he'd be at the courthouse. If this woman wanted to be with my husband, she'd leave hers. None of this has happened. Our dinner was great. In a tearful revelation he shared how messed up he is and I told him we missed him and wanted him home. He just cried and we moved to a different subject. At least he knows he's welcome home. I have no expectations. I will continue the last resort and enjoy my life as I have been doing. Either way - I feel very good about myself!
Me: 41 H: 50 M: 15 years S14-D12-D10 S: 05/07 Back home: 08/08 EA: 4 yrs
Hi Summerd, thanks for your reply and once again, sorry for hijacking your thread!!! I asked him the night he told me about the baby whether or not it was his! The question didn't even register with him and went right over his head. I really think this is/has been his wake up call. She has him by the short and curlies because I have it on good authority that she is very unstable and terrified that he will come back to me. It's funny though because although I have never met her or seen her, everything I suspected about her has been confirmed. She is very very needy and insecure, everything that I am not ( well not since this all blew up. I am strong and h is beginning to realise this ). He thought his life before was sooo bad. I also have it on good authority that he doesn't see a future for him and her ( ooh, I wonder why )and that he still loves me and wants his marriage. He has got a funny way of showing it though although as I have said, she has him by the short and curlies with this baby to a certain extent. He has got himself in a fix and doesn't know how to get out. He has got to figure this out for himself though because it is his mess. I did tell him about a month ago that I wasn't prepared to give up on this marriage which he said he appreciated hearing but it is not a green light for him to continue to do things that hurt me and the kids. If we do reconcile in the future then I have to see some big big changes in him. I certainly don't see anything yet although I have seen flashes of regret. He will not be allowed to cake eat because I am getting stronger day by day. Anyway, enough of me and my sitch. It is quite similar to yours in a way minus the baby situation. It's very difficult because you want them to come to their senses and realise that they do want to come back home but at the same time you have to do what is right for you. It's not enough for them to just simply be missing the comfy lifestyle. If I have learnt anything from this it's that I wasn't happy about certain things either and of course these things have to change. I'm waffling a bit but I think you get the general idea. It's great that your meal went well. I think that the fact that he opened up to you is also great. You have really quite literally given him food for thought. Keep it up and who knows? Take care, Laurel.
