For the second time in a month I have found an inappropriate text message on my wife's cell phone. It was to the same person that when I ask if she is having an EA with this OM she admitely denies anything going on. She has spent the night with this guy a few times as well.
We have had problems for a couple months now and I thought her to be a WAW. I have read Divorce Remedy and begun to DB as best as I can.
Recently she has talked about doing things as a family in the future (Spring). I need some direction in all of this, All signs point to a EA. I need to know if there is hope and what I can do to stop the affair.
My Sitch H - 28 W - 25 S - 23 Months OM - 40 Length of Affair - 2 Months???
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Sorry to see you are a here, hopefully we can help you get through this tough time. Not that this is the place that you wanted to be, but, welcome to our world.
Quote:
All signs point to a EA.
From what I have learned where there is smoke there is fire. Your assumption.....actually the proof you have points to atleast an EA. Now, I know that you wish there was a magic bullet to stop the A and start getting your M back on track, but there is not. The sooner you learn to GAL and focus on yourself and your S the better off you will be: emotionally, physically, spritually.
Glad to hear the you have read DR. My first suggestion is to read it again. Keep coming to this MB it is good for your own sanity.
They say that most A last 6 months and die naturally. So if you are willing to gut it out, your M might have a chance.
BTW, you are going to have to 100% of the work to save your M. Your W is in lala land rightnow.
Agree with ERC. The key to DBing is to draw the WAW back to you by doing 180's and (more importantly) GAL. So you need to find some activities outside the home that are for you alone: Dance lessons, yoga class, karate class, men's club, etc.
Understand that you are completely helpless to stop her from doing anything. Asking (or telling) her to stop will accomplish nothing. You need to become an attractive alternative to whatever she is doing that you do not want her to do.
And: Maintain PMA (positive mental attitude). You gotta be positive and cheerful all the time, especially around your wife. It will confuse her and drive her crazy (it does for my wife!).
Thanks, I have a 22 month old son and that is the primary reason I am staying in this. Of course I still love my wife but it has been hard. I have been DB'ing for about a month now and working on myself.
I have seen some improvements since I have began. She is prone to go to events with me as well as with the family more often and is very quick to ask what I am doing when I tell her I am going out. This past week she has continued to analyze my appearance as she did before all of this began.
She has been upfront of who, the OM, she is spending time with. When I have questioned her about it in the past she has been very deliberate that they are nothing more than "friends". But when he calls at all hours of the night and text nonstop I think there is more.
Through all this I have been able to rediscover religion and God has had a funny way laying things out for how I should act if we do work this out.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
