Letting go is scary, but often we hang on to things, people, relationships, resentments, self-righteousness, and so on, out of fear (of losing control, of the unknown, of not knowing what else to feel, etc.). And, that's no way to enjoy life, IMHO. Still, I battle with this constantly, as y'all can see from my story. It's a journey, and all I can hope is that it's moving forward and not backward.
Thanks for all your helpful comments, and encouragement. I don't know where I would be without this forum.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Letting go is scary, but often we hang on to things, people, relationships, resentments, self-righteousness, and so on, out of fear (of losing control, of the unknown, of not knowing what else to feel, etc.). And, that's no way to enjoy life, IMHO. Still, I battle with this constantly, as y'all can see from my story. It's a journey, and all I can hope is that it's moving forward and not backward.
Thanks for all your helpful comments, and encouragement. I don't know where I would be without this forum.
A friend said to me recently that the toughest thing to let go of is our manuscript. We have written this story, beautiful, happy story about our life. Then someone comes along and starts to edit this work without our permission.
Letting go of my manuscript has been tough, yet the closer I get to actually burning that one and starting a new one, the closer I can feel myself getting to genuine happiness.
So true, Tyler! It's a matter of being brave enough to change the vision in our heads, and often it turns out better. And, I think it does because we are no longer stressed and full of angst over hanging onto a dead vision (or a shredded manuscript).
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
H has left for 2 weeks. I feel a little sad to be alone again, so I must find some stuff to keep me occupied. A friend and her H are coming out for a visit next week (for 2 days), so that's something to look forward to. In the meantime, I will start sorting stuff out in the house, that we can get rid of just in case we do move to the States.
Started digging some stuff out of the garden, and replanting with new shrubs. Hard work, but I enjoyed it. I have never really been an enthusiastic gardener, but have been really reading up on it, and trying to learn as much as I can. It turns out that I rather enjoy it, and my new enemy in life, are aphids. Evil little monsters, chewing up my dahlias, and my nusturtiums.
Must start planning for the next 3 months re studying, trips to be taken, and so forth.
Still giving H space to figure things out about his job sitch, and I am hoping all that will be resolved in the next two months. He gets so angry (which is not like him), and I can feel he is stressed, and that makes me nervous for his health. But, I will try and detach from this too, as I have in the past, as I am from my D20's sitch, etc. Detaching gives one the peace and clarity and ultimately, the ability to think clearly and logically and not with emotion. Hope I can keep it up.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Well, I wouldn't say I have green thumbs, Cat. More like a crazy scientist who doesn't mind experimenting with different plants, and not minding how many die until I find the one that can tolerate where it is placed.
Fortunately, my H doesn't get angry at me, just at his boss, and the financial person, who will withhold money if you do one small thing wrong on your expense report, and then not tell you what you did wrong. Totally weird, and I completely understand how he feels. Still, it's no fun having a H who is so stressed out, and feeling like he has failed in some way. Far be it for me to add to it all.
A nice thing happened on the way from dropping H off at the airport (about 1 hour drive). It's been quite rainy, and as we (my D14 and I) were driving along, we both spotted a rainbow in the distance. It was so pretty, but it also filled me with a feeling of hope for the future. I guess many of us feel that way about rainbows.
There's a saying (don't know who came up with it): “Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make it's colors appear.” We have all had so much rain in our lives, especially recently with our marital sitches, so it's time to start looking for and expecting the rainbows.
Kids and I are trying an all-nighter hoping to see the meteorite shower. Hope we get to see it. We are such nerds!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hey, Phoenix! Welcome back! How do the muscles feel?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm laughing, because I grabbed a quilt late Saturday night and went out to see the meteor shower too...I only saw five or six, but the neighbors just installed an insane amount of lights next to our yard, so it made it difficult to see everything. Grrr.
I like your thought about rainbows. So true. Keep looking.
We are such nerds! 
