I was in and out due to the demerol, (sp?) and vicoden, not to mention whatever they gave me during the surgery was still affecting me. The whole way she is grilling me about settlement issues. What about this, what about that? I kept fading in and out. Last thing I remember is her asking about my pension and how is that paid out to her, I passed out and woke up when we were pulling into the garage.
I have nothing to add to this. I think it's clear.
Glad your back tyler. You survived..lol..wtg. I left you a brief note after your post on mine.
IMO....any 'decent' human being would have the 'salt' to rise above this when someone is ill or incapacitated. ?True colors?
Stay strong. We'll have a beer someday.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I would suggest you do nothing for your anniversary. Leave that up to her. Maybe, get a little gift (a witch's broom? Oh, my meanness is showing now, isn't it?) and card, just in case she does bring you something, then you'll have something on hand. But, don't initiate ... it may seem like pursuing.
Sorry about your knee ... your poor D6 must've been very upset. I remember pulling my dad's arm when he was in the hospital (he wanted me to help him up, but I pulled really hard, and really hurt him). This was in 1973, and I still cringe at the thought ... maybe, because he died soon after, and when one is that young, you tend to think the whole planet's problems is your fault. So, I surely do empathize with your D6. Aw!
Anyway, take good care of yourself ... remember to keep some boundaries in place. You do not need to put up with any nonsense from your W. Just be civil, but distant.
Thinking of ya!
Thanks BeingMe. Yes, my D6 was so upset. A week later she is still asking if it is okay. I showed her where the stitches were removed so that means it's okay, that made her a little happier about things. She makes a point of figuring out which leg to sit on when we hang out, I'm a blessed man.
I will get a card as a fallback measure, otherwise it's just another day. Since she wants the marriage to be over this day really doesn't hold any significance any longer.
....... I have nothing to add to this. I think it's clear.
Glad your back tyler. You survived..lol..wtg. I left you a brief note after your post on mine.
IMO....any 'decent' human being would have the 'salt' to rise above this when someone is ill or incapacitated. ?True colors?
Stay strong. We'll have a beer someday.
FIB
Black & Tan?
I actually did expect her to be different, more the way she has been in the past and been with her friends. I think something frank_d posted rings true here, we aren't friends, I will be friendly but everything has changed. Her actions are not the actions of a friend, they are the concious intentional actions of someone wishing to hurt me.
That sucks but that is on her head.
A trusted friend and mentor finally spoke on this subject Thursday. She hasn't said anything because she is equally close to both of us and didn't want to be "caught between" us. She was conflicted seeing good and bad on both our parts. The recent actions of STBXW have finally crossed the line in her mind. She doesn't want to be confrontational, but she stated she doesn't want to associate with STBXW until this "phase is over, if it is a phase, if not, then our friendship is in jeopardy". This is what friend intends to tell STBXW in a few days when they have lunch.
Friend told me that she has watched as I have made incredible changes over the last 3 years. (It's actually been that long? I thought it was shorter, but friend pointed out events that mark the timeline in her mind and it made sense).
A) W says, "I was lonely, you were always gone working, I was alone here". So I cut back my schedule, budgeted to make this possible, tried to spend more time with W.
---W's response? "I don't want to do things with you, I'm going out with my friends".
B) W says, "you were never around enough for the kids". So I made it a point to be at everything, games, practices, events, field trips, etc.
---W's response? Continues to bring up past events I missed. However my children's response has been awesome, which is most important to me. My relationship with my children is now rock-solid.
C) W says, "you never just let me go do things, hang out with my friends, you always questioned what I was doing". I found cool trips, concerts and events to send her to, with her friends, (not me since she didn't want to spend time with me), or if she found things I would be encouraging and budget so she could do it.
---W's response, "too little, too late, you should have been doing this all along"
D) W says, "you were emotionally abusive, suspicious and accusatory for no reason". I stopped, sought counseling and dealt with my trust issues.
---W's response, "too little, too late, you still do it", when asked for an example from a genuine desire to stop that behavior I was told, "I can't give you anything like that, it's just everything at this point, it all sounds like that stuff now".
These were just the things our friend was aware of as examples of things W gave her for reasons she wants a D. Friend said to me that she just listened at the time, but then saw the massive changes I made to correct those things and yet it still wasn't enough for W. Friend said that she had watched me change over the years from the fun, outgoing person I was to a critical, grumpy always working kind of person. It concerned her, but she didn't know what to do about it. Then when W brought up those things to her in a heart to heart girl talk approximately 3 years ago, and told friend W had also told me those things, friend noticed me making changes. Returning to who I really was. Critical grumpy me was gone. The tyler that friend remembered was back and in a lot of ways better.
Now friend just can't understand W and says what just about everyone else says, "I just don't know her anymore, I've watched her change for the worse over the last 3 years, I keep seeing her doing things that just don't jibe with who I know her to be, it just doesn't make any sense".
Now, to completely break my arm patting myself on the back. I didn't respond to these things other than a thank you for noticing and a 'hmmm', to the part about not knowing her. In the past I would have jumped on that and pointed out how right I am, that everyone else is saying the same stuff, basically W is just a really bad person for wanting to D.
I didn't, I had no desire to go there although I can observe the part in me that in the past would have and given enough rope this time, would raise it's ugly head again.
Friend was silent for a few moments, we were having coffee so she was finishing her cup. Friend then says, "you know how I know you're back, the real you is here again? Because you didn't say anything bad about her, you didn't jump on that stuff, I said a lot of stuff that left the door wide open for you to jump on a band wagon about her and you didn't. For just that reason I haven't said anything to you or anyone else about this, even though I've been thinking it, because she is my friend and I don't want to gossip about her. I wasn't testing you or setting you up. I'm just so glad to see that the real you, the positive tyler is back. The tyler that never has a bad word to say about anyone is back. I'm so glad. W is making some bad decisions right now and I'm just relieved that you're back so you can be there for the kids".
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
