Sunny, You are so strong. You are right in that you will definitely be fine no matter what your H does. Funny how we can see that in others, but have a hard time seeing that in our own sitches?
I feel that we are headed to a similar cross roads and I am going to draw inspiration from your post.
Thanks, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Someone, Dave maybe, mentioned that there are no firm rules, and I was in that mindset yesterday before deciding to make the call. It seemed that we were stuck & needed a nudge to move someplace rather than stay where we were.
I have to admit, that I had Nomo tied up for a while for consulting sessions before I actually went forward. At the end of the day, I knew I had to get some respect back into our R & put the ball in his court and let him take responsibility for what comes next.
When I called Nomo afterwards, relayed the convo & I got to, "And don't forget, I'm still your H". He said, "Yeah, your H who's dating."
It is pretty funny to think about the sort of twisted logic in some/most of our sitches. Somehow, after reading some of the analogies, they start to make sense, which is a little scary
Forgot until today something that H said yesterday;
-"If I was going to file, I would have by now, I assure you."
I still feel absolutely sure I did the right thing what ever way it turns out. Just the lack of respect spiral was headed full speed down & it's nice to let him know I'm not here hanging around for any type of treatment he decides to give me.
Also, forgot something I said;
-"I held off on starting another R with someone that's pushing for one, until I knew that there was nothing I could do to save the M." (Although this is true, I still have no intention of starting one)
In other words, I told him b/c it looks like he's now in a R, & putting his energy on that, I guess that tells me there is no interest from him to focus on putting a new M together w/me.
What feels the best, is that from here I don't feel the need or desire to go to dinners or hang out with him if he spends the night to be w/ S4. Infact, I think if he's "Dating" someone, he should know that I'm not available as a sort of backup, stick around option. I'm "out" doing something everytime he's here.
Had a great day with the kids playing & making cupcakes.
XH stopped by for a visit & PMA boost. Said Doc told him a few things to expect down the road with Parkinson's. Tough to hear that you are not only not going to get better, but progressively worse. He told me, even with his illness at his young age (42), he wouldn't trade his life up until now for anything, he's had so many blessings. He tells me that one of them is me. Although he did add that being married to me was like trying to hang onto a tigers tail (complement? No prolly not) Just goes to show you, that even when you think you'll never be close to a spouse where it has looked like you'll certainly not be friends, most of the time when you've loved someone & shared a history, it's still there waiting to be uncovered.
I guess that's why I see hope for us who have heard horrible things from our WAS's & I don't really believe most of what they say.
Reading DR for the 6th time & seeing new stuff that I must have missed the other times.
Sunny
"Look at the way she dances, one foot speaks, the other ones answers."
