Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[FaithfulH]

Catfan,

I think this was a great step! There are SO many parallels in our sitch...so, if that continues (and I believe it will), you aren't far away from your W making a major recommitment to work on the R with you! Like you, there came a point where I felt I had to start honestly sharing with my W what MY thoughts for the future were. Just remember, it wasn't that long ago that she WOULDN'T HAVE CARED WHAT YOU THOUGHT! My W also said, "I don't know if the changes I see (which I like very much) are permanent" Because we may have been guilty of manipulative behavior in the past (at least I was), they wonder if these changes are just to get them back! They're not....but, you have to be VERY cautious not to "accidentally" display any of the old you. However, you are not perfect...and, while a miraculous transformation in you has taken place, we're all susceptible to "remission". I overcame (overcome?) this by admitting up front that I won't be perfect even in the future...but, acknowledging that the difference today is that I am much more AWARE of the things I have done to hurt my W...and I am quicker to ask for forgiveness. In fact, I've asked her to tell me on the spot (or as quickly as she is comfortable) when I have hurt her. Our R continues to improve at an amazing pace....I have to be careful not to grin to much! LOL

The R that is in front of you and your W is the closest thing to heaven you can possible imagine! I am excited for you!

[FLTC]

cf,

I'm really happy for you. It does seem that those who have succeeeded, like FH and Kidsaver (although he actually went through a divorce), have let go. TRULY let go and started to live for themselves while continuing to make permanent changes that were noticeable. Your W. always seems to be on the fence, not falling on one side or the other. Continue to be a good friend, and expect nothing in return. Whatver way it turns out, that will do nothing but help you. Hows the exercise going? Are you at 165lbs yet??:)

[catfan]

Got the test results back and was very surprised by the cholesterol level, 202. I've never been above 160 before. Combine that with a high blood pressure during the exam and whamo I am on a 24 hr blood pressure monitoring device right now. I've had the think on for all of 6 hours and hate it. Well only 18 more to go!

[S4N]

CF, reading your post I realize that when things are relaxed and chill with your W...things take an upswing. You cannot let the little things carry so much weight. Her trips, no calls, acting odd or distant...these are all a part of the process babe .

Keep it up and don't get discouraged, simply go on and take care of you. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, you and all of my friends in here are in my thoughts, ALWAYS!!!

[catfan]

Hey S4N I tried to email you the other day and it bounced. I hadn't heard from you in a while and was wondering how you were doing.

[cat03]

rooting for you catfan

[catfan]

Thanks cat03! Its frustrating to know we are so close yet she's still so far away. So I have to be extra patient and definitely not push, although I did push last Friday and a bit since. Something had to give the situation a kick in the pants.

[S4N]

I know, that was my snooping email and I let that go to the wayside...I will get an email to you soon

[S4N]

Well, I lost everything from snooping around there but I was able to log back in again. Feel free to shoot me an email at the old one anytime. Sorry about that, I know it is frustrating when that happens Can't wait to hear from you!!!

[catfan]

So latest updates. At our usual Wednesday lunch we had a good chit chat the first half then the second half a harder discussion about us. We both are moving in the wrong direction financially from where we want to be going and I brought this up. At first she thought I was saying reconcile because I was going broke, hell I am broke and no that's not the reason. Its the one practical reason yes but it's not the reason I want to reconcile. So further discussions and I think she understood that point. If we are going to work on us lets do it now and minimize the financial disaster about to happen to both of us is my point.

She did say she wants to work on us now. She said she'd get a list of recommended counselors from our girl's counselor. I told her she had given me a list early on and I would email it to her. I did that Wed night along with a couple of specific suggestions on speaking my love language, hug when we greet and depart and sharing tidbits of her day with me. (Sadly, she's not done my primary, physical touch and limited secondary, quality conversation.) The suggestions came about because of a discussion about efforts. She thought she was doing a good job at trying with our weekly lunches, Sunday family dinners and nightly phone conversations after we each talk to the girls. Yes all of that is nice but a simple hug when we are together would go a hell of a long way with me. A hug she initiates not me.

So other happenings. Last night we had our usual Friday pizza and a movie, A Christmas Story. Love that movie! She spent yesterday afternoon decorating the house for Christmas and it looked great. I noticed she hug all four stockings up, wonder why but I won't analyze it.

I am really getting to the point where if she can't make the simple gestures of physical touch I may bail completely. It's been 14 months now since she bombed me and the last time we kissed or MLed. I'm not sure I have it emotionally left in me to continue. That's hard to take because I do see her efforts but for me they are still missing the mark. I feel that is she was at least somewhat serious she'd look to make at least some little effort at speaking my love language. I sure as hell have been trying to speak hers, at her request! At first I loved doing it but now, I'm not getting anything back emotionally just getting spent.