Did your S2BX get progressively moodier/crankier with age? Something that I have noticed with my W is the depressive, angry periods are becoming more frequent, and I am getting closer to a threshold of tolerance. She's always been like this, but it wasn't bad enough to afect my own mood until the last few years. Just curious if you or others living with a Type 4 have noticed this. I remember you using the term "Mr. Wilson" and that's a damn good description of what I get a lot of time. Did a search for this but I didn't get much back, you may have discussed this in the distant past but I can't locate the threads.
I did the tests on http://www.9types.com, and it seems that I'm a 4 as well, for the most part. I can identify with getting progressively moodier/crankier with age. Why did I do that?
(How old is your W? I'm in my early 30's, and already ran into trouble with moodiness and crankiness.)
Fear of being defective -> indulge in fantasy -> understand themselves -> Fear of being defective In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being defective can cause Type Fours to ignore their true selves, allow their emotions to overwhelm them, and indulge in wild fantasy about themselves. This means they will understand themselves even less, and further increases Fours' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up
Of course anyone who "allows their emotions to overwhelm them" will tend to be moody and sometimes cranky. Also, anyone who believes that they are defective will resent anyone else presenting evidence of their defectiveness or looking for anything that might furnish evidence of their defectiveness, since they're trying to push their defectiveness out of their minds and keep your attention away from such defectiveness. Any attempt to know them closely can feel to them like gathering evidence with the purpose and effect of convicting them of their defectiveness.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
My wife is in her early 40s. That's interesting about your own experiences with this, it's something I've observed and just wondered if it was age-related. It's variable, can be bad or manageable depending on circumstances. Thanks for the reply, anecdotal observations are valuable to me since I can attribute certain things to personality and not something else.
One thing is for sure, the push-pull dynamic is there in our R and it definitely keeps things lively.
We are in an interesting phase lately, it seems like a number of old issues are finally getting addressed with very little (if any) input from me. It seems like she has finally acknowledged them, and that they are causing problems. Weirdest part of all is she usually only brings them up after ML, in then in a very elliptical fashion. Curious, but hey I'm happy to hear her talk for a change.
Physically, we all get progressively more flawed as we age. Some people have trouble dealing with that, especially those who tend to dread their own flaws anyway.
Fours love introspection, which is good and bad. The good side is, when they feel strong enough to take a critical look at themselves and face their issues, they're more apt than most to address them proactively. Unless they succumb to despair and then go on actively ignoring their flaws and seeking someone else to blame for their problems again. They might go through a few cycles of this before they settle down and get to work. They're most willing to do this when they don't feel that they are under the microscope, but realize that they could run into real problems any day now if they don't get to work.
Mr. Mojo strikes me as a severely atypical case. I'm not sure how much one's experience living with him would transfer to your situation. If his STBX shows up here again, she'll be able to expand on that.
Oh yeah, and right after ML is the perfect time to open up. The other person is usually in a very accepting and loving mood and doesn't seem like they'd flip out over what I've been holding in.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
My S2bx was always pretty cranky as soon as the "honeymoon" period of fake good behavior was over. I would say it's more related to how high functioning or successful the Type 4 feels themself to be.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
