NO Wait,,,Please,,, YOU were my last hope!!

[Kim07]

Wellll,,,I think I can't go any lower than what I am at right now, I think i've hit rock bottom and I don't like it down here!!

Had appt. w/DB Queen today(alone, suppose to be 3rd w/H), 6/21,,,,She said, "I'm sorry, I wish I could of helped but its' over, you two were separated for too long." "You spent countless yrs trying to bend backwards for this R & this man when in deed it was probably over long ago, I hear you saying "enough"!

But, but nooooooo,,you were my last hope,,please help me!!

Mind you, that I had just spent 3hrs the night before saying goodbye to our 17+yr old cat before she was put down for kidney failure,,never saw H cry so much in my life(tried to console H-didn't want any of it-verbal or physical, ie. hug),,God loves his kitties, she was such a good one!

Next week will be our 15yr anniversary,,this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!

H today~~~after 2hr R convo,
ME: "So does that mean we're done??"

H: "YES, we're DONE!"
ME: "I hope you got what you wanted & I hope your happy."
H: "I am,,,I hope you will be too."

ME: " "

Someone pleaassse wake me up from this nightmare,,this reconfirms the fact that I will NEVER get M'd again, the pain is just too unbearable. I asked Michele, "Does that mean I need to get my affairs in order & hire a 'D' atty?" She said, "Yes, protect yourself & the kids!" and work on yourself!

During my 2hr talk w/H, I mentioned that we need to sit down calmly w/Mediator to agree to split assessts, debt, parenting, etc. that I wanted to protect the boys from harm,,he says, "Like what?" I say, "like your 401k, the businesses, life ins., etc.(our houses & cars are already split & so is time w/kids 50/50),,
H says,,,"I'll give my businesses to the IRS before I give you any of them & then i'll take 1/2 your house!" "You want a fight i'll give you a fight!"
ME: "So you don't think, after working 2 jobs all my life & supporting you thru 9/11, I deserve any of what you earned during our 15yr M?"
H: "Hell no!"
ME:"But the judge is the ultimate decision maker on our case, he will look at everything, as well as a mediator, to make it all fair! If you look on the back of the packet of papers you gave me, the formulas' right there re: how much we make & the adj. gross income of both parties!
H: "Its' plain & simple, you owe me $300 child support to go toward your health ins. since you don't pay it yourself!! DIG!
(I use to,(for 6ppl) it use to come out of MY paycheck for many yrs)! I owe you nothing, you should feel lucky!!

We ended it there and now I have like 3 e-mails from H twisting my words around re: our convo,,,I only answered one in a matter of fact way,,now,,no more,,I can't take it!

I'd like to tell this OW that, yeah she won, i'm sure they will be the happy little couple once we are D'd!

Kim

[JR2007]

Kim, I am so sorry to hear that. Separated 4 years, you are one strong woman. Don't look at this as a problem with marriage, but a problem with your H. True, there is no way to predict what your next H will do, but you def don't want to go through life being bitter about a douche-bag that didn't treat you right, or care about your marriage. Once he's gone, let him go and have a happy life (I know it'll take a while, but it'll happen).

My grandma was a great woman but she let her divorce from my a-hole grandpa ruin the rest of her life, and she was young when they D'd. Don't let that happen to you.

Good luck, I hope things will go well for you in this terrible time in your life.

[Kim07]

JR,

Thanks for your support,,I think i'm finally at a point where I know its' over, i've been putting it off for so long not wanting to look at the obvious signs & symptoms that he was done and that it was over,,he was just trying to placate me or "help me" get thru this difficult time since he got over it so long ago!

But ML to my H to hold on to an already dead M, not asking me to spend any time w/he & the boys or his family is what has hurt the most. I can't be near him b/c I will want to touch him, hold him, tell him how much I love him,,,this pain is unbelievable!

All I wanted was my H back, to live w/me, share w/me, love each other, confide in each other, work our problems out together, raise the last 2 of our children together, grow old together,,was that so wrong to want or was I reaching a bit??

I just can't see how someone who protested their love so adamantly 8yrs ago could turn it off like a light switch?! I've told him that I did love him then and will always love him but of course he will never tell me he loves me ever again b/c he says we're thru, ouch ! For me,,at this moment in time, consider my H to be the most beautiful, smart & giving(just not to me) man in the world except for how he has treated me in the last few yrs! I know I deserve better and that I will find someone who will treat me better its' just that I spent 1/2 my lifetime w/this man & its' so hard to let go of all the happy times we had & some of the dreams we had,,but have to do it!

Holding on is too unhealthy for me right now,,,

Someone once said to me & I will tell it again,,

"Its' like war, the WAS has to 'Demonize' you(the enemy) 1st in order to justify killing you w/a clear conscience!"

[mkultra]

Hopefully, there is a way to go on without a war. I know we all want to protect ourselves, but it is so sad when we have to dclare war just to protect what we rightfully deserve! You are a brave and patient woman. You deserve love and respect. I hope things calm down for you both and he thinks more clearly about what needs to be done for his own family.

[*KS*Chick*]

Kim - how are you doing today?