Reports through the grape-vine are that my XW and the OM are not doing so well! He is a little @ss-kisser who has completely demeaned himself over being a joe-boy for my XW.
His kids report that he can't stand up to her and has been driven to tears by her! She is cold and controlling and he can't handle her. She holds all of the power over him like a trained seal. This comes from his own kids!
On a sad note.... I hate for any kid to have to see their parent behave in such a way. They deserve better than that behaviour as an example to them.
I honestly do not believe the grass is greener unless we make it green. Good like to 'em all. I understand they will need it.
Are there any of your XH/XW's who have chosen the OP over their M and are living happily ever after? Is the grass really greener?
To me I can't see too many being that happy because of God, karma and what comes around goes around.
Share your stories.
Does it ever happen? SURE! Someone has to win the lottery, right? Of course there are rare situations in which things like that do work out, but the odds are GREATLY against it. In fact, if you marry a second time, your odds of divorce are about 10-20% higher than the first marriage. Hardly ever works out, the XW/HW, MLCer, etc. finds that relationships are work, not some magic solution, many aren;t willing to do the work needed to be successful, many bounce from one to another, others remarry, divorce, perhaps remarry again. I think you will find many of those people are not happy. Just my opinion.
I had an aunt who was widowed in her 40's or 50's. She met a new man at a class she was taking. I was just a kid, didn't know much except she had a new husband, but in retrospect, I'm sure he was either married or recently separated when they met.
Anyway - they married, lived together for the next 30 years or so. They sold real estate together. Seemed happy, although her kids complained that he seemed controlling and they distanced themselves somewhat from her. I'm sure most people, seeing them together, would have classed them as a happy second marriage.
He died, finally, of prostate cancer so he had a long time top settle his affairs before he died. After he dies - my aunt discovers that he's left all his share to his ex-wife and kids!!! My aunt has to move out of the home she had lived in for 20 years, spends her last days in a trailer park.
So I guess what I'm saying is, even sometimes the couple that SEEMS happy, you never know what lurks beneath.
I guess we all should come here and post in about 5 -10 years. My STBXH is dating a woman that is newly divorced herself. She has a 4 year old boy. She initiated her divorce and had cheated on her H at least once that I know off. So here are two people, thinking they have found what they were looking for. They both are looking for 'someone else' to make them happy. It will be interesting to see how this goes. They have been together for about 5 months now, they met 4 months into my separation with H. This is their first serious R since their spouses.
Who knows, maybe they are made for each other. I am sure I will find out.
Neli
******************************* Both: 33 Together 13y; Married 8y Kids: DD8 and DS5 Separated: 08/31/06 D Filed: 2/21/07
Sadly I have to report that all's worked out really well for my xh.
He treated me very badly while we were married. Including physical and emotional abuse. As a result I doubt I will ever be able to have a "proper" relationship with a man ever again.
He had an affair. He is now married to that woman. She left her h and three kids. He left me and our three kids in extreme financial difficulties.
They are married. Both work. Neither support their kids financially or emotionally. They have a nice house. And get invited to family parties while her ex and I don't.
So, where's the Karma in all of this?
My guess is yes the grass can be greener but not always. It's made me realise that what my exh said to me was true. Clearly he never did love me and that's why he treated me so badly.
Sadly I have to report that all's worked out really well for my xh.
Everything always looks good on the surface, give it some time.
He treated me very badly while we were married. Including physical and emotional abuse. As a result I doubt I will ever be able to have a "proper" relationship with a man ever again.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with such an abusive man, but all men are not bad. There are some really good guys out there, my whole sitch made me into a better man.
He had an affair. He is now married to that woman. She left her h and three kids. He left me and our three kids in extreme financial difficulties.
There is no way that this crap can last! Give it time, you can't do someone dirty and expect good things in return. If you sow dirt you will reap dirt!
They are married. Both work. Neither support their kids financially or emotionally. They have a nice house. And get invited to family parties while her ex and I don't.
How happy do you think these people really are? I don't know how they can sleep at night knowing what they have done? Can someone have that hard of a heart?
So, where's the Karma in all of this?
How do you know that they are not having difficulties right now? If not now it will come, God doesn't forget.
My guess is yes the grass can be greener but not always. It's made me realise that what my exh said to me was true. Clearly he never did love me and that's why he treated me so badly.
I don't think that's true, he has to justify what he's doing now. But that only last for so long and he will one day look in the mirror and say what the hell did I do!
Sorry if this dissappoints anyone.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
My XH married OW a few weeks after our D was final. They live an hour and a half away, and I have only met her once. From what the kids tell me, she is very controlling -- XH has gone from being a conservative Republican to a liberal Democrat. From a moderator of the deacons in our church to a unitarian universalist. From a sports car driver to a hybrid driver. From a golfer to a runner. From a news/sports junkie to a man without a TV in his home.
In fact, S14 said that OW declared "If you bring a TV in this house, I'll leave you!"
OW is pregnant, which was her mission since she met XH. He told his cousin (who called me) that seeing OW pregnant with his baby would be the sexiest thing ever. This was after having slept with her 5 or six times.
She told her XH that what my XH had going for him was "he has money and has fathered kids." Well, she's got what she wants and is starting to make threats about "leaving". Connecting any dots out there?
Won't she be surprised to find out he lied about the money, too?
