For those paying attention, we decided to go to the Albany, NY area instead of Worcester, MA.
It's an interesting dynamic going from living apart to being in a car or hotel room 24/7. We've done quite well, all things considered. We had a bit of trouble in Worcester, but we figured out it was because we both hated it. Once we fixed that mistake, we've been good.
well from Colorado to Boston and then NY? sounds like a major league baseball pilgrimage good luck to you - I hope this move is helpful with the situation - I admire your courage taking on such a huge change in the middle of all of this
take care -
HM
Last edited by hannahsmom; 11/02/0712:53 AM.
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
Just an update on the sitch. Other than me having a jag of homesickness that made the W reconsider the option of moving to Fort Collins, CO, all has been pretty good. Not perfect, but good. Even if I wanted to move to FC, it wouldn't be practical until we pay for this move. I think we'll certainly stick out the winter and see how it goes.
She really seemed happy to be home. She was saddened to see her small town of Gloversville, NY had become vacant downtown, like so many former industrial towns that have lost all their jobs.
Anyway, about our sitch. I have to resign myself to the fact that my W is never going to be as physically affectionate as I'd like. I'm trying to read the copy of The Five Love Languages the Kim07 gave me so I can get a handle on how to properly react to and interact with her. Most of our problems over the years have been due to misunderstandings, especially about our feelings.
Haven't posted in a looooong time. Well, my life was going so good, on a real upswing - I jumped on a new project at work, made the journey back East.... then, right after my parent's came out for a visit, I fell into a black hole of depression. The winter, the distance from family, the isolation with the W who still won't talk about what happened in our M. I lost a good friend in November, who was literally a lifesaver during my separation and depression. We had problems with the renters in our house that meant I got almost no money for 5 months from it (the market tanked before I could sell and a big part of my GAL activity was fixing up my house!). I convinced myself the effort was to get it sold, but I was really putting my heart and soul into my home!
We're still piecing, but I dragged her back to Fort Collins, CO. That may have been a mistake. I thought we'd agreed to do it together, but now I fear she resents me for dragging her back from her dream of going back home to where she's from. She had a meltdown on the way here. I wanted to go back to our house in Wheat Ridge, but she will not move back there. That's fodder for another post.
Please, for those of you who want to say "I told you so!" it won't do any good, and I know it. I made the journey out there with the best of intentions. It was my own stupid need to cling to the past and what I'm familiar with that ruined it when we got there.
Even though we had help from her dad, we're now in such debt I don't know if we'll ever recover. Debt was a big stressor in our relationship already. I was trying to hold down the job, keep up the house, etc. in Wheat Ridge. If we'd stayed on course we'd be close to being out of debt right now. Instead we're renting a place that doesn't feel like home, an hour from all the things I was comfortable with (not to mention my office - I'm working from my basement now) that made it easier for me to manage my stress and medical problems. And someone else is living in my home!
To top it off, the new project I joined at work has been a living hell. In my field you have to be constantly relearning and I've just not been in a mental state this last year to learn all new technology, deal with the ever increasing corporate BS, etc. I don't dare be away from my cell phone. On call all the time. After hours stuff, weekends, etc.
This roller-coaster of life being really bad, then really good, then really bad again has been so stressful that my health, energy, etc. have taken a real beating.
There's so many details I suppose I should fill in. I guess I may need to start posting regularly again. Way too much to say, and I'm supposed to be working right now! And I haven't even gotten to the relationship parts of my saga!!!!!!
For the oldtimers who have warned about how hard piecing really is, man did I underestimate. I still thought it was all fine and dandy, until real life came back. We ran halfway across the country and took our old problems with us. As my aunt likes to quote: "Wherever you go, there you are!"
I hate to say it, but my life would probably be on a better track for me personally if I'd have let go back when I was in a better place for myself personally.
Kim07 - I'm soooooo glad to see your recent post about your turn-around. That's truly amazing!! I can hardly believe it. I'd really like to talk to you, but I realize we can't spend hours on the phone analyzing depression, relationships, etc. like the old days. Just hope you'll "drop by" to say hello and give some encouragement!
If anyone stumbles across my previous pathetic post, I had forgotten a cardinal rule of DBing - taking care of myself. Doing much better now, less depressed, and really trying to improve my health. Trying to be more positive. Work is going much better, mostly due to the attitude change.
As for the relationship. Still much to do. Can't understate it - Piecing is hard work!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I wanted to post this, in case any poor newcomer saw my previous posts and ran away thinking there is no hope!
