Omigosh, RT! I am glad your mom and friend spoke some sense into your head. Oh, and turn that word, 'coddling', into 'loving'. As I was reading your post, I was thinking, "the woman is nuts ... how dare she say her daughter has no power (way to go to make your kid feel helpless) ... why does she not take her dress shopping to start in a small way to get the bond between them back on the road?" It almost sounds like your W is back in her teens (where it's all about her), and is upset with your daughter, because she perceives her as betraying her, but she is the one that left, and betrayed your daughter, and you, and your son. But, she is in MLC mode and won't see that now.
I am sure there was a time when your W was a great mom, and a wonderful W, but it seems she is in Never Never Land at the moment, if her interactions with you and your daughter is any indication.
Anyway, not sure what advice I can give you because you are doing all the right things. Good idea to talk to your C about what to do about your D. I would never force my daughter to talk to me in counselling ... firstly, it is overbearing, and secondly, you're unlikely to get anything out of a forced situation, so no point. She'll just end up resenting her mother even more (and I don't regard myself as a particularly brilliant mom, but I even can figure this one out).
Maybe your mom could take your D shopping for a grad dress? Of a favoured aunt?
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hard sleepless night... but I got some good advice from a co-worker today:
"You had no malicious intent... You can't always be perfect or do the right thing... at least your trying and wanting to help rebuild things with your Ex and your Daughter and that is a very good thing"
Quick phone call from my Ex this morning, daughter had to pick up some homework from my house.
I asked for a brief chat about things she said ok and listened:
I spoke strongly and confidently (a suggestion from my Friend)
"I asked daughter about going to the counselor with you or me with the EMPHASIS on it being a good thing to go with you."
"I did not think I was giving daughter "power" it was an atempt to increase her comfort level so she could really talk with you and get this worked through."
"I encouraged you to book an appointment so you could talk with the counselor and possibly Dara"
"I had no idea none ZERO that it was supposed to be your turn next If I had know that I would have NEVER even considered it to be an option."
She said a couple times it was ok...
I said ok, I will see you tommorrow, have a good night.
She replied you to.
Well I feel relieved becasue I don't need that kind of stress and conflict.
I don't excuse at all her being so irrationally angry but I can understand that she feels VERY frustrated.
Our daughter has been hiding her feelings from her mom for almost a year it's going to take a while for her to get her comfortable to talk about them.
The Divorce is happening I will be moving back over to "Surviving"
To much to try and explain about this weekend... spent alot of time together with my Ex and its clear no matter what she says... She is to far gone in love with her new BF to ever try and work things out.
Just remember that you will be okay (more than okay) no matter what happens. Because you choose it to be so!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
