Nothing wrong with fighting for what you believe is right. I did, and I thought the sitch completely hopeless (still do, sometimes, but for other reasons). I must be somewhat of a fool too!
Hey, how's the weather out there? We are experiencing so much sunshine, it's almost sinful!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
It was a really nice day and evening but it was a very rough night...
We had a nice time at my friends BBQ. They have two little boys ( 2 and 4 ) that my Son enjoyed playing with. My daughter played with them a little bit but she spent most of the time sitting with the three adults while we were chatting. We made sure she was included in the conversations.
Interestingly my friend’s wife at the same age as my Daughter elected to no-longer see her mother for similar reasons to my Daughter's. She said it was hard in a lot of ways but overall she felt better for it. She has since worked things through with her mother and they have developed a relationship.
As for the rest of the evening after we came home, I was exhausted I fell asleep in my recliner downstairs watching TV I didn’t want to but it was after 9 and my daughter was in her room having some Me time and my little guy went to bed. So I was alone and bored and tired which equaled ZZzzzzZZ
I got myself up about midnight and trudged up to bed… I went to sleep fairly well but at 3 am I woke up with these thoughts running through my head unable to shut them off or tune them out they keep rolling around in there and bothering me.
It’s something I feel like I want to say to my ex but I doubt it will help anything and just lead to fighting. (Cheeseless Tunnel)
“You need to realize the path you are on is leading inevitably to you moving away from here to be with your BF (he lives 1.5 hrs away) and if you do that you will be leaving your kids behind… I will not let you take them away from me… I will fight you tooth and nail with all of my heart and resources if you try…. you would have to switch to visitation of every-other weekend or something along those lines. I do not want to take the kids away from you but if I am given no choice I will fight for my rights and theirs.”
“You need to decide on a direction for your life you have children and their needs are a responsibility that you should be respecting. You need to have a purpose to your actions beyond what you do from one month to the next. You need to decide if you are a single women or a mother. It is possible to be both but not at the cost of what your children need.”
I write this out here just to get it out of my head… only in consideration that I might speak it not because I have chosen to. It just kept bothering me all night and I managed to dose a bit but no real deep sleep other then the bit in the recliner and the 3 hrs in my bed.
In regards to how I feel about the above information / speech / statement I am strongly considering putting the divorce through not because I want to be divorced from my Wife… but in the name of protection for myself and my children. I would rather work on my marriage but my Ex seems on all fronts determined not to regardless of what I hope.
So I am left asking myself the question what is the right thing to do. What is the right way to move forward. (As a note I feel much better now that I have written this out not that I know what I should do about it if anything)
Anyone watched "The Secret"? I have watched it before and got a boost from it in helping focus on the positive aspects of life and positive goals.
It talks about positive thinking and how your positive thoughts will improve your life and help you achieve your goals. I am watching it over again and it does have a feel good message.
I am skeptic about most "new-age" concepts ideas but I have always been a believer in the concept of "If you think you can or you think you can't... your right"
So in an effort to improve my PMA I will do my best to focus on the positive aspects of my life and focus on positive goals and work towards them.
I need to get some goals set for myself for the next little while. I know I have been lacking in that area for a while now. In my next post I will have some focused ideas set.
I have the book, the cd, and the dvd of The Secret. It's not the only self-help books I have though. I just find it helpful as a reminder to be positive, and sometimes I like to have a visual of that, or listen in the car. I don't think it's such a new-age concept, but rather an old concept revamped for our modern age. Being negative, anyway, just leads to illness, depression, bad moods, and bad things happening - a kinda making true what you think.
I have just bought the book about the Law of Attraction, and am also reading The Purpose Driven Life. Will comment on them on my thread when finished.
Good luck with the making of goals.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I had a phone conversation with my lawyer this morning discussing my rights and my daughter’s rights.
He told me that if my daughter has expressed in a clear statement that she is bothered and does not want to see my Ex with her BF (Note she wants to see her mom just not her BF) that she can choose not to go and I do not have to make her.
He stated that the BF should fade into the background for a while at least until my daughter is willing to accept him.
If my Ex decides to move away from our city my Daughter can choose to stay with me. My son it could be more of a fight but given that this city is their home, my job allows me the time needed to be father and I have a record of how many days my kids have spent with me over time with her for the past year. That I would have a good chance of getting custody should it come to that. I would make no changes in the visitation with their mother I am trying to do what is in my kids best interests and in my own.
So I have some relief there.
Tomorrow am is Counseling for my daughter… both of us are nervous.
Still working on goals… I have a few in mind but I want to make sure they are focused.
Counselor said that my Daughter is saying she is just not ready to see her mom with someone else or spend so much time with them.
Ex Showed up at Lacrosse tonight.
We talked a little she wanted to know about Daughters counseling I suggested that she book her own appointment and see. She pressed me to to tell her more I said that would be betraying a trust...
She pressed some more... for the first time EVER I said to her look its normally me being told by you that your pushing me... please back off...
She said I just need help here...
I have made some changes are they helping ?
I said "It's a good start"
She got snippy about that.
So I said ok here's the core issue "More YOU Less HIM"
She got cranky and said "He's allready a Ghost right now what more does she want..."
I said are you mad at me or just venting ?
She replied venting.
We had some of our patented witty banter and were heading out. I invited her to come over and visit the kids some more tonight.
We talked some R talk I expressed my feelings she said what she was the most frightened of... "Failure" - Trying again and messing it up.
On the way out she said she needed groceries and had to cook supper. We did to so I offered for all of us to go together.
She agreed!!
We went got Groc.s laughed chatted i gave her space while getting my own and stayed close while she was getting hers.
Paid headed out stood by waited for her to say bye to the kids.
She turned and said to me "That was very nice thank-you"
She hopped in her Car and headed out.
My daughter commented to me on the way home that she really liked doing that together with all of us.
Interesting indeed! Looks like there's a shift in the wind, Roktop! Although, I guess one shouldn't have too many expectations.
I am glad your daughter is seeing a C, and getting all her frustrations out.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Last night I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the next counseling session with her Mom or me... I was trying to encourage her to go with her mom.
Daughter said she wanted to go to the next session with me that she was not ready to talk with her mom yet.
My Ex Texted me today that she talked with the counselor and booked an appointment with her with daughter instead of the one that I had. Which I had said it was ok if she did that
I texted her back that Daughter said she wanted to go with me... that she DOES want to talk with her mom she just isn't ready to yet.
My Ex texts back that is not an option that she didn't have a choice that the counselor said that was so.
I did not know this... not at all... I thought I was acting in my daughters best interests...
She Texted me "I don't think you are helping with daughters and my relationship. I feel like you are throwing road blocks up"
I was very hurt and saddened by this and tried to tell my Ex that this wasn't the case... I have been trying to get our Daughter to talk to her mom that I want her to be able to talk with her Mom the way she talks with me. That I would never try to do anything theat would jepordize the how much better things were going between us.
She came to get the kids...
My Ex was furious with me...
She told me I was "empowering our daughter when she has no power giving her choices where she has none." (about going to counseling specifically)
I replied "oh she has the power to make choices"
She repled "Not about this the counselor said so"
I replied I did not know!
I asked Did the counselor say I had done something wrong ??
My Ex replied "No..."
My Ex said I don't know why she can't just talk with me... Why she has to run around behind my back... Talking to you about this... (That's an odd way of looking at this...)
I replied that’s why right there... how angry you are how upset...
I asked what she thought I was doing that was so bad?
She told me "You’re coddling her" and she accused me of asking her about whos she should go to counseling like I was saving her from having to talk with her mother.
I replied “Can’t you see that I thought I was doing what was in her best interest”
“I can see you think that in your misguided way”
My Ex walked away still furious with me.
My daughter asked me to take her Ddess shopping for a new dress for her School Grad... I thought it would be nice for Dara and her mom to bond.(My daughter has said she wished her mom would do more “girl stuff” with her.)
My daughter asked my Ex I told her to tell her mom that I would look after our Son so they could do that.
Her Mother replied “You already have something nice to wear” and it was in a very angry way.
Ouch!! I told my daughter that would be something really nice her and her mom could do togther... I fell like a [censored] for setting up that dissapointment.
I loaded up their stuff into her car...
Tried to talk some more... she just drove off furious.
I came home feeling horrible and called my mom... My mom told me that I had no business being sad that it was my Ex who had done wrong. That its her fault that her daughter won't talk with her. that her actions for tha past year have cause this.
Got off the phone with mer and called my friend who chewed me a new one telling me how dare I let my Ex be angry at me for doing what I thought was in the best interests of my daughter. That I deserve a better in my life that that. That my Ex is a completely selfish person and cares only about herself and that my daughter's issues are causing her grief with her BF. That my daughter needs some coddling. That is is her mother that messed things up.
They are both right... my Ex is frustrated that her daughter won't talk with her and won't move along on her schedule and is getting angry thinking that some SMALL short term changes are going to make a real difference to repair things between them.
Here's a thought... want to fix this problem quickly... STOP SEEING the BF... It's your TIME spent on him and not her that is the problem. That My Ex can't even REALIZE this.
This is supposed to be about my daughter and getting her to talk to her mom about how SHE feels... not about how her mom feels.
I’m really saddened and angered by this turn… last night was really nice, my daughter was really happy with the way things went. Happier then I have seen her in a long time.
I have an appointment with the counselor for myself alone on Monday I will talk with her about this. My daughter should not be forced to talk with her mom about this unless she is READY.
