I'm glad to hear that you all had a great time in Cooperstown.
I thought about what you wrote that your ex always told you how happy she was and then she dropped the bomb. I just don't get it. I think back to the week before and even the week leading to our separation...we were still out back playing with our dogs drinking a few beers. I'm thinking, "How the hell was he able to do that." He knew he was going to leave. I don't think I could have pretended everything was fine, and then BAM--I want out.
My therapist said that usually when the spouse walks away suddenly, they have already mourned the demise of their marriage, which is why my ex was ok drinking beer and chatting up a storm as if nothing was wrong--FREAKIN AMAZING! He was chatty and happy because he already knew that he was leaving the marriage.
I've had a whole year to mourn and accept the breakup of my marriage. I still have my moments, but for the most part, I'm doing great. I have a great support system...just as you do with your two wonderful sons. You are lucky to have them just as they are lucky to have you.
You take care of those boys, ya hear.
All my best, alamogirl
Me - 48 (at time of 1st bomb) H - 43 married - 16 Jul 94 no children 1st bomb - (said he was leaving) - 3 Jun 06 2nd bomb (said he was ready to file) - 10 Nov 06 H filed divorce - 17 Nov 06 Divorce finalized - 20 Jul 07
My therapist said that usually when the spouse walks away suddenly, they have already mourned the demise of their marriage, which is why my ex was ok drinking beer and chatting up a storm as if nothing was wrong--FREAKIN AMAZING! He was chatty and happy because he already knew that he was leaving the marriage.
Yep...that's just exactly as it goes. Of course, while this is an explanation, it is not an excuse. Hiding how you feel, what you're considering, and/or what you are doing violates that cornerstone of marriage...TRUST! If you are willing to break that trust, you prove yourself to be without (much) character.
Hiding how you feel, what you're considering, and/or what you are doing violates that cornerstone of marriage...TRUST! If you are willing to break that trust, you prove yourself to be without (much) character.
Hey OF, how're you doing? Just wanted to check up on you.
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
Thanks. I'm doing OK. There's no new news as the attorneys are still working away. Just want it to be over at this point so I can start again. Definitely no marriage for me in the future (at least legally). I'll do a commitment ceremony and I'll be Biblically married and just as devoted...but the economic cost of legal marriage (which as far as I can tell is a lot closer to a license to steal) is just too great given that no one seems to take them that seriously in all other respects.
Had a nice weekend and spent Sat. with a female friend I've known for years. We're just friends, but it's the closest thing to a date (and the most time I've spent with a woman alone) in so long I've nearly forgotten what it's like. It was good for the PMA and a pleasant day was had by all.
I expect I'll have a much better idea if we're headed for court for sure or not in the next couple weeks. I'll post more info. then.
alamogirl...thanks for the kind words and thoughts..im hanging in there...my dad was up from FLA last week and we had a great time..one day when i got home from work WAW and dad were chatting on the backdeck of our house...he said she made a feeble attempt to explain her WAW actions.....i then sat with them and chatted and she ended up spending over 2 hrs here...still weird even post D...the next day my XFIL and my dad and the boys went to lunch...she seemed blindsided and pissed about this when i saw her @ S16 soccer game later that evening..next am (fri) she dropped my S8 off and had him wake me up..she kissed me on the cheek and said have a nice weekend...since then i have had no conversations with her and give the phone to S8 when she calls...its weird and hard but its getting better all the time...i hope you are doing ok and wish you the best......OF- you hang in there too buddy.....sounds like you are ready to move forward yourself.....god bless...BT
ME-47 WAW-42 S16 S8 bomb 5/5/06 separated 10/6/06 D 4/18/07
BT, SR, AG, et. al.: Hope you're all doing well (all things considered, of course).
Update: Counter proposal to STBXW went out today. 50/50 split on personal property and 60/40 split on cash and large assets. She brought in 32% of funds into the M and left the work of caring for major assets to me so the proposal is very fair to her (equal to 78% of her income during the M and 60% of my income during the M). New attorney isn't sure we can get it, but is much better prepared to make the argument (if it comes to that as I suspect it will) than my previous one.
My fate now lies in her hands or, failing that, the court. At least it's progress. I really want to be divorced before the holidays.
As for the job front...still looking. Sadly, 2007 is turning out to be just as crappy as 2006. I sure hope 2008 brings good news for me (new life, new job, new girl[?]).
More than fair I would say given she wanted out and you did not. Luck; I hope she looks at this as a good deal so you both can move on. Do plan for the tax man - divorce before the holidays and you are D'ed for the entire year.
I would say it's more than fair. My idea of fair though is that the person wanting to dissolve the marriage should leave the house with the clothes on their back. Except in cases of emotional/physical abuse, of course.
I re-read my post and perhaps clarification is in order. Some of you may have understood me to say I am offering her 60%. While I'm generous, I'm not crazy (and I'm too old to essentially start over). I'm offering her 40%...which still leaves her richer for having married me and leaves me poorer for having married her. Given that she had the PA and left, that seems like a pretty good deal from my perspective.
