Today is my son's third birthday. He is charming and smart and delightful in every way. He can name every engine in the whole Thomas the Train collection. He and my D6 are the apples of my eye. I had a wonderful morning with them this morning. At about 11am my wife came home as I was checking my email. She was all smiles and very nice, asking about our morning. I told her it was great. Then she said, "Oh, I just wanted to tell you I filed for divorce this morning." I knew this was coming but I could not believe she did it on my son's birthday. I asked her "Why today?" and she said that it just worked out that way and that the timing was "unfortunate."
Why do they behave this way? Why the wanton cruelty? I think my wife believes that our marriage was all about my needs (I disagree). Now everything she does is designed to dramatize for me that HER NEEDS COME FIRST NOW and that my needs, feelings, etc. don't count for anything anymore.
I know this is a long road, and I know that she was going to file, but it is hard to maintain any hope or resolve or optimism in the face of this behavior.
If I recall, I think I've seen other people say that their spouses filed on a kid's birthday or on their anniversary. Why do they do this?
-SH
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
oh, that is harsh. so sorry to hear this. do you have an older thread or is this your first. try to keep your chin up. I can only imagine what you wanted to say to her.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I'm sorry to hear that your wife did such an insensitive thing....sometimes they seem to lack all sense of respect and sensitivity.
I don't know why they do this on these special days, I guess they are often so self-absorbed that it doens't even cross their mind.
I hope you and the children are allright, please know that there are many people here who will be here to help you and advice you if you want...take care for now, and be strong !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I am sorry that your wife was so insensitive, these MLCers are so ME ME ME!!. I am glad that you enjoyed your sons birthday, my little girl will be 3 soon and these times are precious so make the most of them even if your wife can't.
Take Care
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Oh, I don't know...I think the dramatics vary regarding individuals rather than gender. It was Sweetheart's brother and SIL who labeled him a Drama Queen.
He through tantrum's when they said the OW wasn't allowed to attend our nephew's 6th birthday, and a few days later his Dad said she wasn't welcome at his older sister's birthday (Sweetheart's Aunt). And that was only last August.
In Spring 2005...the beginning...Sweetheart kept cycling. But he was so offended that no one believed he really loved HER--his apartment was not yet available, so he was still living at home, sleeping with me...among other activities (gosh I miss those activities). He kept cycling...afraid the OW wasn't interested in him...it was such a sterotypical teenage thing. I mean he was freakin' out that she might not be interested...crying on my shoulder about it.
And at one point...Drama Queen Cue...he said he was going to marry her to spite everyone for not believing it was real. Not because he wanted to and loved her...NOOOOOOOOOO, to spite everyone.
As for filing on your son's birthday...sorry if it sounds callous, but he is so young that he probably will not realize and associate the dates. Had it been your birthday or had he been older--and you let him know the filing date...that would be worse. Some have been served on there 25th anniversary...the MLCer in one case apologized when he found out that it happened on that day.
You pretty much distilled it down to the core.
Quote:
everything she does is designed to dramatize for me that HER NEEDS COME FIRST NOW
But you know what? They don't come first. Oh, validate and affirm her feelings etc. But you have young children...they come first. Then you come next for yourself...and she gets to come next for herself...then spouses.
But for her, everything will be only about her for quite some time. Sorry.
SH, betcha she didn't think about the date ahead of time AT ALL, and when she realized it, she felt she "had to do what she had to do....out of her hands....finally SHE can be happy and just a "LITTLE" selfish...hee hee.
Forget about it. Never really crossed her mind. I guess the good news is I doubt very much she did it to be cruel. She's just oblivious. Clueless. My H and I are reconciling, I am glad to say. But when i look back at his MLC (great to come here and post, so i don't backslide into the anger I sometimes get surprised by, btw)--I am still amazed at what he did/said/didn't recall/ etc. Lots of times all I could say was "wth??!!"
Sometimes posting here about their latest insanity can be funny ( I know, it's so NOT funny right now). But It helps to know others have had idiot crazy spouses....who DO get better... Maybe you can pretend your W is in Iraq and isn't reachable right now...and may not come back, but just as well could...
Just makes it easier to GAL. There is some truth to "Fake it 'til you make it" too. New school of thought is that instead of waiting around for emotions to cause/create behavior, we can engage in behavior that eventually causes/creates emotions. And nope, don't bother telling her any of this. Won't help. Although there is nothing we as LBSers can do to really help the MLCers, there are things we can do that make it worse. Look up the list of "Do's and Don'ts" somewhere under MLC I think.
If anything, her cluelessness is more evidence of this being a MLC and not so much a WAS...fwiw. I still see hope for you honey, so you hang in there! It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, and I ain't fat! Or singing! Crossing my fingers for you, (and me/H) j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks everybody. I feel better already. I'll go home and have a great time putting my kids to bed, smiling the whole time. Then I'm off to see Rhonda Vincent and her band play tonight, with my brother not my wife. So that should be nice.
I'm still not givin' up. The plan is to have her move out, let the affair with the boyfriend from 4th grade run its course, and then see what happens next. Meanwhile I keep working on myself and GALing. Her filing was all about her getting a parenting plan signed by a judge. She needed that so that I would not accuse her of abandonment or kidnapping---because of course I am the angry one. Right.
I've been pretty one-sided on the boards, getting help but not giving much. I'll try to stop by each of your threads to offer a few words of support or encouragement.
-SH
"Now some kind of man, he can't do anything wrong. If I see him I'll tell him you're waiting." ---Lowell George
I haven't posted to you before, but wanted to say I was sorry about your wife's crappy timing. As the others have said, it is just all about her, I doubt she gave the date any thought as far as it's possible relevance to anyone else. They are just self-centered and self-absorbed in a way that we have never witnessed.
