I just met with a lawyer in regard to my D that my wife's started the process on. I'm not feeling 100% connected with the lawyer...probably just my initial feeling. Anyway, I decided to sign the agreement and am having a buyer's remorse.
He's asked for $2500 in retainer fee, $1k of it is non-refundable. Is that pretty typical?
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 02/26/0708:07 PM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
My WAW got a retainer that cost her 7500. I got an attorney by the hour. 150-300 dollars depending who was working on it. So far I'm in about 15 grand. Looks like you've done good. But more importantly is your lawyer good?
My retainer was 5K (but I paid less than the normal fee because I'm related to a judge). I believe my husband paid about the same price. None of it was refundable... I've noticed the lawyers tend to burn through the retainer pretty quickly.
Get some references if you can (Divorce/single groups through a church or otherwise are a good place to do this) Before settling on one lawyer, talk with, or meet with, a few of them if possible. Go with a list of questions and write everything down.
Good luck!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I gave $2500 up front; whatever is not used is refundable. But at $200 per hour that is just 12.5 hours. A few meetings and paperwork will consume that in no time. In my state if you have a hotly contested custody case you need to be prepared to spend in excess of $15,000. I know one guy who had to fight an appeal and he spent twice that before he was done.
I think you just recently posted on my question "Divorced But Still Hoping for a Miracle". As far as the lawyer goes, I wouldn't get one on retainer. My experience is these people are out to make as much money and stir up as much animosity as possible. I had an attorney on retainer and got rid of him. I had only put $1000 down on the retainer and got it all back.
My ex paid a $3000 retainer and I'm sure her total bill was close to $10,000. Her lawyer didn't do anything but schedule meetings and write a lot of letters. She charged $175 per hour. She would drive up to the courthouse, always 20 minutes early and the whole time, she was on the clock. I couldn't believe this. No other profession could get away with charging a full rate for travel time.
The advice I got from several men who had been through the process was to represent myself. Get to know the divorce laws of your state. "No one can represent you like yourself". This turned out to be very true.
During our divorce hearing, my ex's attorney made this statement to my wife: "You do realize that divorce is all about compromise" (Time to move on to the next victim, I thought to myself). She was constantly telling me that she represented my wife's interests. That confirmed what I thought - that she is just in it to make as much money as possible. This case was over.
Hope this helps. Unless you have a lot of money or personally know an ethical divorce lawyer, I would do most of the work yourself. I did run some of the documentation by a good divorce lawyer that I found later. He charged me by the hour and was very sharp. My final legal bill was less than $300. Giving them a retainer is like giving your kids a basket of candy and telling them not to eat it all right away. It doesn't work very well.
Also, if at all possible, try to convince your spouse to go through mediation. We used this for our parenting agreement. It was excellent. They are solution oriented.
I wish this website would start a section devoted exclusively to divorce lawyers and the divorce laws. I have done a lot of research and after the carnage of divorce is over and everyone is basically penniless - the only option is to declare bankruptcy, which brings on a whole host of new problems. The emotional scars on the children because of all the conflict will be there forever.
I talked to the lawyer, he said most likely the court will divide the assets 50/50. This is disappointing because I saved a lot of money over the years, of course, she has the right to part of it because she paid the bills etc which allowed me to save the money but still I made quite a bit more salary than her so 50/50 means she walks away with free money. Of course, the big piece of this is my daughter, so that's my priority money can be made even if it sets me back 7 years.
Now STBXW hasn't said a word to me about any of this or the divorce in general. She just emailed me when she filed for the divorce and said we could talk about it if I wanted to. I didn't because if she wanted to talk about it she should've done that before filing.
Anyway, I see her almost every three or four days she's very nice as usual, she even offers to help or casually offer me to stay for dinner once in a while etc. Sometimes I accept because even after all this and a year and a half I still love her and miss her but usually I try to be strong and tell her I have other plans even if I don't.
In a way it might sound that she's manipulating me but inside I feel that she's just unhappy with herself and her life and the whole divorce thing was the outcome of that. I still feel she's a good person inside. Of course I could be totally wrong but that's how I feel.
Anyway, that's the situation with me.
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
