WOW! I was hit with a big one...

[OK now]

First. I had to start a new thread. I feel bad about asking RCR and Snoddley for advice when there are so many good people on this site that give it.

I had a talk with olest D tonight. Seem's she had a convo. with her mother a couple weeks ago where she asked her why she really left. Mom told her that she fell out of love with all three of us and felt that we were holding her back from being really happy and following her dream.
This crushed D in a way that she hung up on her and vowed never to talk with her again.

I didn't know what to say. This is something you never hear a mother tell her daughter. And it conferms to me big time that she is plain sick!!

I told D that I was so sorry she had to hear that, Mom is not in her right mind right now otherwise she would have never said that. That no mother would ever have any of those feelings.
And she should not take it personal, Mom isn't mom right now, and I explained all about MLC. She's 17 and I think she understands.

After our convo. I held her and told her how much I love her and how proud I am of her and her sister. They have become so close. Even though they have those sister fights. They always find time for eachother.

Heck. Right now their upstairs singing Kariokee (sp) I hear 2 little songbirds through the floor. I turned down my stereo just to hear them sing.

I have 2 big blessings in my life everyday and I thank GOD for them everynight.

Just a little side note, I have tears in my eyes as I write this.
X

[hopefloats7]

X,

You are so right: no sane woman would say that to her own child. She is definitely having a crisis. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if she were just another wife that didn't love her H anymore and wanted to move on, she would be handling this in a much more rational manner, and she certainly wouldn't have told her daughter that she doesn't love ANY of you...not even the children.

I'm very sorry your D was so hurt by that; who couldn't be? Do you think she is going to be ok? It isn't easy for children to let something like that slide off their backs. I really hope she will be all right, and you, too.
So sorry.

[Lissett]

You are an amazing dad!

Amazing, God bless you!

God bless your daughters.

Pray for the soul of their mother. She is obvioulsy, with out a doubt, sick in the head.

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

[ShadesofGrey]

I am so sorry for you and your D. I am a mother and cannot imagine EVER saying that to my kids. This proves your W is off the deep end. No sane person would say this o a child, let alone their OWN CHILD!!

Hope is right it can't be easy for a child to hear this. If she hasn't seen a C yet you might check into one. She may seem fine but that had to be devastating to her.

You are a great dad. I have read your posts all along and you shouold be very proud of yourself.

Shades

[OK now]

Thanks for all the support. This convo. between them happened a couple weeks ago and even though she was devistated by it. She's doing quite well.
These two girls have been hurt so many times in the past by their mother that I don't think anything else can hurt them more.
They have really harden their hearts for her.

I had oldest write up a statement that I will have noterised. If and when she ever takes me to court for not letting her have any visitation trips. I can produce this to the judge. How do you think she'll look in his eyes?

I'm going to take these kids ice skating today on the river. It's a whopping 14 out and has been cold for quite sometime.
Freinds of mine live on the river. We might even get out the 4 wheelers and take them for a whirl. Anything is possible today.

X

[Bworl]

Rider,

You're an awesome Dad my friend. You are storing up treasure in those two girls that will ensure that you will be a man wealthy in love the rest of your life. I can't imagine how anyone could have handled that news any better than you did.

And boo to your wife for being so callous that she would say these things directly to your daughter. I'm not sure that I could ever forgive my wife if she said such things to our boys. She is divorcing you (for no good reason), I can't imagine why she felt the need to drag your daughter into this mess as well.

Makes me want to tell you to stick to your guns VIGOROUSLY when it comes to the visitation issues that you've been dealing with. After comments like your wife made, I would say that she's got to prove alot to me to make me go out of my way to see that she spends time with her girls.

Hang in there my friend. We have in common right now the fact that we cannot make any significant headway with our spouses, maybe never will, but we CAN have a glorious life with our children and show them what true love and committment are all about. That's a wonderful thing for both of us.

Blessings,

Bill

[goal]

X,

You handled it perfectly. My H said to my 3 children that "the only thing holding him from his dreams is his wife and kids". They say stupid, selfish, weird things to try to rationalize their god awful behaviors. DETACH DETACH DETACH If you had any doubt this was MLC, now you don't.

Luv & Hugs

[Was2sad]

Rider

Your W may have gone deeper into the abyss than most in MLC. I won't begin to consider the pain, we have all had to learn to live through our own, and so will the MLCers ... some day.

You are the great dad and gentleman that others indicate. You are also meeting a need that all yound girls need, the unconditional love and adoration of their dad. When they date and ask themselves what kind of guy they think they could spend their life with, they will think of you. You are the measure of love that they will hold men to. You have raised they bar well above the water mark set by so many dads.

You are making it tough for the dates dude. And you are also greatly reducing the risk that one of them will jump on their MLC train one day. Remembering the role that low self esteem plays in MLC later in life, pay close attention to that now. I know you are covering your bases well, but adolescence is a time of self doubt and you should find ways of testing their self perception.

Not saying send them to C, but not saying don't. Just saying how important it is and how little most dads understand this or address it.

[OK now]

I have tried to get these kids into see a C. Oldest wants nothing to do with it and I can't force her. D11 see's a C at school. She's a woman who has sessions with all the kids who's parents are going through a D. Mine, of course is seeing her twice a week, with the group and just a 1 on 1 session. She is definatly the worse case at her school, with her mother moving and no contact.
All in all I get reports that she is doing quite well under the circumstances. Her grades have improved. She's more socal. And her teachers have no complaints.

This last issue really has me bothered. Part of me believes that this convo. really happened and another part is wondering.
I haven't said anything else to D about it and need to let it die.
It's just I new her mother for 35 yrs and NEVER thought she could ever say anything like this.
Her actions are conferming it though. She never calls the girls.
Didn't call or send anything for Christmas.
Called 1 day late on oldest B-day a month ago.
I don't really expect anything for them for V-Day.

Just thoughts.
X

[BeingMe]

I cannot imagine a parent ever saying something like this to their child, even if they did feel it. Your W has some major issues, that's for sure. If my H had ever said something like this, I would not have ever taken him back.

So good to see a parent, like you, staying strong for their kids.