Its been a month since I have posted Things are creeping SLOWLY in a direction that I find encouraging but ever so slow H is still home - he seems happier these days - I am busy GAL and acting as if - The acting as if is a lifesaver and is what gets me through the days and nights He has made an effort to spend time with me - alone too - taking walks - movies - we've had some good times - yet I still feel like theres a big elephant in the room we don't address
His 50th birthday came and went - at his request it was low key - but I think he was touched with what me and my D did - nothing elaborate - dinner together, some gifts - I kept it casual with the b'day cards - no mushy Husband ones - all humourous He views alot of what I do as pressure - so I have to be careful He has become a little more attentive - kissed me goodnight last weekend - occasionally touching my shoulder when we talk
I am trying to be careful about how this is going - we had a good talk last weekend while walking in the rain - I found the courage to ask him if he plans on going back to his counselor - he said he wants to stay the course and take it slow and not make what he did last summer at the forefront of how we are together - that he wants to just be "with the family" and see how this all goes Last month after he was spewing he admitted he is lonely and he like he has no friends - and for the first time in almost a year he did not blame his unhappiness on ME - I felt it was a breakthru and things have been decent since - AT the time of the last spewing I actually tole him calmly that I was sorry he felt so unhappy in our M that he felt that if divorce was the answer I needed to talk out the arrangements and what that meant to my D at the counselors we had been seeing last fall - and a short time later he called back ad said that he didnt mean it - that the conversation got out of hand etc etc My counselor said she thinks in some way it was like I called his bluff and he wasnt ready My D is going away to a pre-college program in a nearby city for 4 weeks this summer. H mentioned while we were talking that he feels like this will be a good time to spend time the 2 of us - I was elated but still ever so cautious - this timetable must be his and I know that. I told him I don't mind staying the course as long as we can talk like this along the way when he is up for it - I know he can't guarantee anything but I need to know I am not working towards some big dead end and he is waiting for my D to get out of high school June 08 - he said no thta he wants to just take it a step at a time and see how it goes I said that was good for me too I am very nervous but hopeful - this acting as if has served me well and I have been able to stay on an even keel - not getting too pumped or over excited at some ice melting and the last time he spewed I was able to stay the course and just listen I pray this is the start of a better future for us I hope you all can find some hope as well - whatever form it takes - a hope for a future where this turmoil and roller coaster is not your norm - I wish that for you all and myself as well
Last edited by hannahsmom; 06/09/0704:02 PM.
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
Glad to hear from you! Sounds like things are moving along, although I can only imagine how painstakingly slow it must feel. There absolutely is hope, for all of us.
thank you - I am trying to temper my enthusiasm for the glimmer of hope I am seeing
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
