New to Piecing II

[COG]

Well my thread finally locked up so here's my new one, and a link to the old one. New to Piecing

Finally Free,

Thank's for checking up on me. Things have settled down a lot since the Holiday's. We've had some very nice times together lately. I set up a big surprise night for her 40th BDay; limo, dinner, friends. She was very surprised. Then we did a Disneyland trip with the kid's. And it's just been nice and fun since.

We get busy, we get stressed, that's just the way it is. We've got to take the time to do something fun and different from the monotonous routine of life every so often.

Not really any progress on the physical side of things. I've promised myself to not bring up our R for three months. I've also stopped initiating any physical contact beyond hugs and smooches and cut way back on those too. She's told me that I'll know it when she's ready.

Personally, I'm doing well. I have hobbies, interest's and our kid's lives that are keeping me busy and fulfilled right now. We continue to get along very well together. I'm not sure what's to come, but it'll come one way or another. I'm living one day one moment at a time. I'm thankful and happy to be blessed with what I have. That does'nt mean I would'nt take more, but what I have right now is good.

How are you doing?

God Bless,

COG

[brandnewday]

COG
You sound better.
The trip you planned for your wife and your family sounds wonderful.
Did she have a good time?
I love Disneyland, I still have to take the little ones. Do you think I will qualify for a group rate?
Oh by the way, did you ever read the book?
Just curious as to what you thought.

[amd]

You sound more centered, COG. Just adding you to my faves.

[COG]

AMD,

Thanks for your support. I am well centered right now. Had a rough December, but 2007 has started off on a very positive note. It's just my outlook and attitude are much better. I'm not so self centered, and victimistic. Is that a word???

I hate that feeling of moping around wishing that I had more, thinking I deserve more, demanding that I get more. It's very unfulfilling and not very smart. What's to say that more is better??? Maybe those things that I think I want and need, are really not fulfilling for me. Maybe what I have right now is what is best for me right now.

I have a lot right now. My W is a very good friend, she's a great cook, and I never have to worry about laundry. It just appear's in my drawer, all clean and folded. She's become quite the gourmet cook, and bust's her butt to keep a home that is clean, orderly, well fed, safe, and peaceful. She's beautiful, takes very good care of herself, and care's alot about her friends and family. She loves me, and we're best friends.

I'm very blessed that she's been willing to give our M another chance. It is so rare in today's world. So I have a lot to be grateful for, and a lot to fulfill me.

Thanks for your friendship and support.

Love,

COG

[amd]

I hate that feeling of moping around wishing that I had more, thinking I deserve more, demanding that I get more. It's very unfulfilling and not very smart.

It is so easy to fall into that trap. I find that it's easiest to drift off the road when I'm not engaged in something fulfilling--not just being busy but doing something that I really like or enjoy. We all have those times. Thank goodness we know how to recognize them and what needs to change--our own attitudes and outlooks!

[Bworl]

COG,

I've just finished reading through your past two threads. I'd like to be able to read about your situation prior to your wife coming back, if there's anyway you could find me a link for them. I seem to have a tough time finding old threads for some reason.

My wife left in Sept 06, filed for divorce in Oct 06 and the divorce was granted in Dec 06. It's been a whirlwind and I guess I'm still figuring out just where I am and where I should be in all this. I know that I love her still, but the divorce has caused me to do some thinking about the future. I hate to ask others to check out my own situation, but if you ever have the time and feel so inclined, my current thread is in MLC and contains links to all my threads.

I am doing my best to find a way to stand and at the same time move on with my life as I feel I must now that we are divorced. Actually it was BND who suggested that I check out your threads. The journey you have been on is amazing. The two threads that I have read brought me to tears a couple of times, sometimes out of the joy and hopefulness that I might experience some of what you have in a positive way, and some out of sadness for how very difficult it is to piece back together a life that has suffered so much hurt.

Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and tell you that your story, and all the fine people who have shared your journey with you, has been very inspiring to me. Thanks.

Blessings,

Bill

[Heywyre]

My wife left in Sept 06, filed for divorce in Oct 06 and the divorce was granted in Dec 06

Wow, that was fast! Here in Canada you cannot get a divorce unless you have been separated for a minimum of one full year. If you reconcile for 90 days within that one year, the one year time frame starts all over again.

I think this is a better approach since a lot of S's have second thoughts when they do things on a the spur of the moment. It is too easy to go with your emotions when you are in the middle of an A - or the BS.

[COG]

amd,

I'm still waiting for some things, but it's really become interesting to experience life in the wait. Five years since the bomb dropped, the fear, the anxiety, the loss, the pain, the depression, the despair, the anger, it's all gone. Life is great right now. I'm moving on from the shackles of self and what a great feeling that is. I'm discovering it's much more fun to enjoy, flourish, and run through the flower's of what is, than to stay mired in the darkness and despair of what should be.

God Bless,

COG

[Heywyre]

so there is something to look forward to then?

[Delil@h]

I have been reading thru some of your posts and I just read the one you posted to me in December dont know how I missed that before thanks....
You can answer this very personal quetion if you want to and if you do not that is obviously ok too. Also the answer I know is not so simple but quite complex.....
My H says that I do not show him I love him and by that he means physical touch and ML..
while we are intimate he says he does not ever feel me present except for when ... Ive had a few drinks....

I will admit that I try so very hard not to think about anything ( the OW the past and my insecurities) but showing him the great love I have for him and yet I seem to fall short and if you remember he has her name tattoed on his chest,, so I thought I was giving im the best of me and hiding the rest but he clearly feels my guardedness,,, he says he is very hurt.

I know that I am not responsible for the way he allows himself to feel and yet I would like to change this,, so my ? is this if you choose to reply.. I know that you are doing awesome now but you can you give me a hint of the pain I am causing him ( how my lack of passion makes a man feel, ) I do want him but in my insecureness I am amking him feel umwanted.He will not explain the depth of the hurt. and what might help for me to do to show him that I do really and truly deeply love him... I am trying like h*ll to let go and just be and it is sad that only when I am relaxed some eith alchohol that he can feel me. Please help in any way you can. I wil surely feel so blessed if you can ofer me any light in this darkness. I know he is hurt but I do also know that he is not telling me how deeply I hurt him by being this way. The last thing I want to do is hurt him .

I do think I was very passionate during our seperation cause I let go and went with my love and just went for it withoout too much thought of anything I just gave passion cause I felt I had nothing to lose. I rarely ever thopught of her or the hurt and my insecurities.....DO I even make sense? Thank you for your time.
GOD BLESS YOU COG....