here once again.

[kevinlost]

Quick history. Search my name I have been here since 2003.

W has had at least 7 PA's over the last 5 years. I had 1PA 2 years ago today. Back in May W wanted out set up an apartment but when it came time to move she decided to save the marriage. Just an EA going on then. That I know of. I confronted the man and he was a coward wouldnt even admit to knowing her. Fast forward to October things going downhill very fast. Classic signs of cheating. Huge blow up on Halloween night. Ask her what she wanted... Divorce??? She said yes. So I went to see a lawyer. Had papers written up but have not had the 1500 bucks for him to file. Middle of December my Dad loaned me the money to file. She told me not to file until she had moved out besides it would be so cruel for me to file and have her served just before Christmas.
So Here we are again. I think she had a PA back in October but she wont admit it. All she will say is that she is not doing anything now. I think she is affraid to confess to me for fear that I will walk away this time. She is still secretive with her phone. Gets text messages and such. I know she is talking to other men. Especially one that she works with. I think she had a PA with him.
I know I am bad about backsliding. But things are a lot different now then they were before. I have become a Christian, I was even babtised in November. And I have a totally different outlook on life. I am working on having a more positive attitude.

What I dont understand is that she tells me she cant trust me. Doesnt want me, doesnt love me, just wants to get along until she can move out. But then has been confiding in me things that she has never been able to tell anyone else.. ever... She has been putting trust in me by telling me these things. Maybe as tests, I dont know. Also our sex life has been better than it has in years over the last few months.
I see God throwing up road blocks for her every where. Like when things got really crazy in October the transmission went out in her car. So we have had to carpool together everyday. I will finally have the money to fix her car this week.
there are so many signs such as not sleeping good at night, upset stomach and nightmares.I have mentioned these things to my W and she dismisses them as coincidence. She told me all about the dreams and I researched them on the internet and I determined she was struggling with right and wrong and the dreams were telling her to stay with me.
My W used to be an extremely christian woman. Now its like she has turned her back on God. just like she has me. I go to church every sunday since august. W has been once and acted like everybody there knew what was going on and was looking at her. I have confided in my pastor but thats the only one who knows. I believe it was her guilty conscience that got to her. The day I was baptised I wanted her there, she wanted to go but was so sick she couldnt even get out of bed. I took care of her all weekend so she really was sick.
About a month ago I came home from church to her saying we either need to make this work or just go our separate ways. Then the rest of the day we talked about our future together. About moving closer to home. A lot about the kids and such. She really lead me to believe that we were staying together. Then the next day she was like I never said we were getting back together. That really tore my heart up because I was so hopefull.
Over the past few months I have really developed an undying love for my W. She is such an incredible woman.
Too bad I have always let every day life bog us down.
I think she is struggling with everything.
About 3 weeks ago she said that even if things were good between us she would always cheat on me. The next day she said she wants to see a counseler even did some research on the internet because what she said really startled her. But now says she wont go becasue she doesnt want to get started and loose her medical benefits after the divorce and have to stop.
I just dont understand this alien. Maybe she is comming out of the fog or maybe I just need to run as fast as I can to get away from her. We have one son between us and she has 3 from a previous marriage. I feel so bad for the kids the older ones see what is going on and hate that Mom is doing this to our family once again. The youngest is ours together. he doesnt know what is going on but he knows something is not right. He has been acting out lately especially towards his mom.
Even though all this is going on she still sleeps in our bed with me, I have even awaken a few times to her snuggled up to me. She has only not slept in there maybe 4 times over the last 4 months.
I can see toll the stress is taking on her. She is struggling with things. Fighting her conscience.

[kevinlost]

Oh yeah. She is on Myspace. A total meet market. Guys from all over the country sending her messages about how beautiful she is, thats got to be intoxicating.
Also myspace is a reall easy way to communicate to other people. It has its own chat module and messaging.

[kevinlost]

Well thought I would give yall an update. I found out she was cheating with a black man from work. We went through counseling for several months. The counselor was seeing both of us together and separate. We got to the point that the counselor told us we didnt need to see her any more, and it would give her time to work on her.
Well that was in April of 07. Fast forward to our family vacation in June. All day at the beach she was acting funny. Finally caught her making out with some drunken jerk in the ocean. Told her I was done. I give up.
She moved out August first. Took her kids from her first marriage and didnt even tell our son she was moving. Left him with me. Move forward a month she is dating a married man. My house is being foreclosed on. I cant keep up with all the bills she left me with.
Married guys wife catches them together and beats the hell out of her while he just watched. So of course she comes running to me. Knowing the Im about to lose the house she offers to let me move in with her. We go out to dinner for our anniversary on October 16th. She led me on believing we were getting back together. Well what a bunch of bs that was. She went out on a date the next day. I moved out in December with my son. It took me that long to gget the money together to get out. Well after 3 weeks of dating him I heard how she never loved any one like him..that she finally knows what it is to love someone. What a bunch of crap.
Fast forward to now. He basically moved in the day after I moved out. He is a coward. I ran into them the other day lpicking my son up after school and he wouldnt get out of the car till I left and sat on his phone with my wife...
My wife is completely off her rocker.
My counselor and I both believe she is BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder..
My son is in counseling with Abandonment issues and living with me full time. I filed in september and she never filed a response. She will not go to mediation. She will not go to the child of divorce class. So I am kinda stuck right now in limbo. I have paid my lawyer over 3 grand and am still married to a @@@##@#$#$#$#..... She does very little to support our son, adn I have not been able to estab lish custody in court or child support,.

So for all of you out there wondering what the hell is wrong with you... Your the sane one...
Stop Walking on Eggshells is the best book I have read so far to help me understand my ex. Thanks for listening.

[kevinlost]

Oh yeah currently she is on her ninth affair that I know of since 2003.
Sometimes you need to know when its time to cut your loses and not drag it out way too long like I did...
What gets the most is how she can move on with her life like nothing is wrong at all and how the new victum(guy) has no problem shacking up with a married woman and falls for her bs over and over again.

[Aud31]

Wow. Sorry you've been through so much. I think you're right to cut your losses.

You sound pretty bitter (understandably so)--is that the man you want to be? Have you thought about what attracted you to this kind of person?

[kevinlost]

Im not really so much bitter as I am just plain pissed that I am in this position. I lost my home, my family, my sons safety and security in having his parents at home together. My credit is shot. But it will get repaired in time.
Maybe I am a little bitter. I mean she walked from all her responsibilities, jumped in bed with her next victum and I am left to pick up the pieces and to try and do the best I can for my son.
Honestly she wasnt that woman when we first got together but I think it was all lies cause I see it the same patterns repeated with the new guy. So I do feel foolish for falling in her trap.
And honestly I am really gun shy of getting involved with another woman because Im affraid of her turning out to be just like my ex.
No this is not the man I want to be but I feel I am stuck in limbo until I get divorced. I feel like she is out playing all the while keeping me in holding until things dont work out with the new guy, just like she always has. But this time is different. I dont love her any more. I dont want her any more.... I am actually disgusted by the site of her.

[hopeforfuture]

Kevin,
I just realized that your first posts in this thread are from a year ago. I know from my own experience that I am always eager to see responses from other on these boards and it is a bit discouraging not to get some replies. Don't know that I have much if any advice for you. Would you even want her back at this point? Has she gone to anyone else besides a counselor? If she does have a condition like BPD she should probably have something prescribed to address that. Sounds like she has a long way to go before she is ready to commit to anyone or anything.

Focus on yourself and your son at this point and get yourself in a better position. Sounds like your son could really use a good, stable role model at this point.

[cat03]

sorry to hear that kev)))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry that your wife has big mental problems and is acting so horribly (that's another gauge that helps me understand that my H isn't himself, the lack of concern for the kids)

I pray that you are able in time to get your credit back up and that you keep being a good supportive father to your son.

[kevinlost]

Well its over between us. I filed for divorce back in September and we are finally getting into court next week. I would never ever take her back. The love is gone. Hell I cant even stand to look or talk to that woman. All I see is this selfish Bi#@!. and everyday I do have to deal with her is a reminder of how selfish she is.
My son is my number one priority. I am the stable parent in his life.
hell she is totally committed to her next victum.

[cat03]

wow, it takes that long? lol, my H is going to have a coronary! he is in such a hurry to divorce me that he actually asked "can we say we've been separated 4mths vs 1? Yea right, no way, he's just going to have to wait.

I'm also beginning to see that this man is no one I'd want to be with, has shown so little regard towards me that i'm better off with y kids. Good luck in court, I'm starting to look into it, and boy, sure there are lots of things I need to learn.
Sending prayers your way kev