Another newbie? No, it's me LR or lastresort04. I thought it was a good time to change my name with the new year around the corner...and this sounds better, anyway. Symbolically, my "identity" is no longer so intertwined with my "sitch", so I felt inclined to change my name to something more authentic for the times.
As you may recall, I was last reacting to the news of XH and Sweet Pea's cameo appearances at a local spot in my neighborhood. Yes, reacting. That prompted me to feel like I needed to take some action to rid him from my life, like I am able to do that anyway. I decided against writing a letter OR sending him his stuff. No sense in upsetting the apple cart, right? If something needs to happen, the "wheres" and "whens" will be abundantly clear to me.
As usual, a time of upheaval, however small these days, is followed by a period of peace and renewed strength. It's nice to know you can count on something.
I've spent the past few weeks getting things in order as far as my life is concerned. I'm actually in a pretty good spot considering the last couple of years. The thing I have neglected the most since the bomb is my own physical health, which with the grace of God is very good. It took the back burner while I was working on the home, job and wasting a bunch of emotional energy on XH. I recently had all of that evaluated and found that I'm very lucky to only have the "basics" to worry about. Things like getting enough sleep, eating right and exercising. BTW, I have no problem pampering myself lately.
My job is still going very well and I'm happy to be there.
My dad is doing well and is in good spirits.
I recently visited both of my Grandma's and an aunt. It was nice to connect with them again. There is something worth noting to me when I visited one grandma in particular. This is the grandma that had me and XH's wedding picture still up. The last time I saw my grandma's, one had the picture up and one had it face down in the bottom of a drawer. My grandma's are like night and day. Anyway, when I saw the picture this time, I just noted it with nostalgia and didn't feel anything negative or give it a lot of thought. My heart just kind of went, "Oh, how sweet", with no pain or anger. That was nice.
When I was last actively on the BB I reread the thread regarding recommended reading materials. There's a lot of good stuff on page 2 in particular. This prompted me to order a few more books. I read the one entitled "Understanding the Mid-Life Crisis" by Peter O'Conner. This book is much more thorough than Men In MidLife Crisis and I highly recommend it. There is also much more perspective from the MLCer POV and more detailed descriptions of the actual emotional and psychological aspects of MLC. Reading it gave me a lot a peace in an odd way. It reads like XH's biography. He fits the pattern of the most hopeless and most challenged type of MLCer in the book but that gave me a bit of acceptance that maybe that's just the way he is and was meant to be. I guess it lent credibility to the idea that there is nothing I could have done differently and it would have happened whether I was there or not. I thought the authors thoughts on projection and externalization were very apt and interesting.
I am enjoying pool league immensely and we are in first place so far...by a very narrow margin.
Although I'm lonely sometimes, I am starting to really revel in the fact that I can do whatever I want, when I want. Some people actually envy that. It's an almost giddy feeling sometimes.
I have most of my Christmas shopping done and will decorate tomorrow. I have a boat load of stuff to do, so I should quit rambling soon. I'm attending a Christmas party for my colletor's club on Sunday, so I need to bake something as well. Then I have to clean out my closet for a pick up by a charity organization.
I do have some exciting news! A couple of weeks ago I decided to apply for my passport as a "first step" in getting some travel plans. I thought, "well, at least I'll have that out of the way if something comes up." I was telling my best friend about it and said that I wanted to go to Mexico someday. I jokingly said, "I should be able to get there in ten years (before it expires)." She then mentioned that her mom and some other people were going and that her mom was getting a passport too. Hmmm...
Well, whaddya know, about a week later (yesterday) her mom called me and said she needs a traveling companion and asked me if I wanted to go. I said "He!!, yeah!" (well, not exactly).
So, to make a long story short...in a couple of months, I'll be heading off to balmy Cozumel for a week long, all inclusive stay at a choice resort! SWEET! Now, all I have to do is come up with some dough. I can make it happen. I asked my boss for the days off today...and ironically I have just enough vacation time to do it. It just kinda fell in my lap. Hmmmm
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Life is good...or it can be...if you let it be...
Hi GG! What an excellent update! Glad to hear it. It is nice to see people reach a certain kind of peace. God bless ya! Ahh, Mexico...how wonderful. what a treat!
Keep us updated. Good to hear how well things are.
Hugs
Trying
Silla
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on....Robert Frost
Thanks for stopping by my thread. I appreciate the blessings and the words of encouragement. It REALLY is true that it gets easier with time...but you have to do the work.
Yeah, Mexico will be my first "real" vacation and first commercial plane trip. I can't wait! I see you are off to Vegas. Enjoy!
G, I'm so happy to see that life is finally turning around for you. You struggled for a long time to understand the situation w/your xh. When we stop struggling the answers will and do come. I'm glad the Peter O'Connor book helped.
You've got a trip to look forward to! That's wonderful! Enjoy the warmer weather and applying for your passport indicates that travel plans will be very much part of your future. Enjoy each and every destination.
You sound very content and settled. You're an inspiration to others and I do hope others will read this thread.
Enjoy the holiday season for the new year promises to bring you many surprises!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good to hear such a positive update from you. You do sound well, you know, refreshed and renewed, ready to live life on your own terms. Grand, isn't it!
Now, will you come over and help me get my life back in order? I only have ONE Christmas present, and it's not even wrapped.... actually, it's hiding in plain view, for if I wrap it, the kids would begin to guess as my purchase, so it's best to leave it well hid amongst the rest of the boxes for now.
Cozumel... now there is a place to chase away the winter blues! Our dreams do get answered, don't they, and when I sit back and look how they become answered, I am in awe. I know you have worked hard to get to this spot, and deserve everything that passes your way.
You've given me a smile this morning, Ms Genuine, and hope that I someday will be following in your foot steps!
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
It's very simple, isn't it? Whenever I get distracted by "life", LIFE becomes better or more peaceful. I spent a lot of time focusing on what was missing, instead of what I have or could have if I just let go of it.
As far as XH, it just boils down to "it's just something that happened." I know that sounds trite but it's true. I won't pretend that I won't still have my "moments" but this is a never ending process, isn't it? But RIGHT NOW I feel good and I'm cherishing the moment.
Yes, I hope that traveling becomes more of a regular part of my future. One little step always seems to start momentum for progress, like a row of dominoes, whatever it is that you're wanting to do.
Me an inspiration?! Thank you. I do feel very content and settled.
Hey GG, Glad you posted on my thread b/c I might not have seen this as YOU with a new name. Good change!
And great update. I am glad to hear that you are finding that life as a single person has many advantages. And how fabulous that you are going to go to Mexico. Hope you have time to bone up on some Spanish!
As for me, I guess I just have to acknowledge that this period, in the negotiation of the d stage, is never going to be a moment that I will look back on fondly. It just has to be gotten thru. I know that I will be more settled in a year when this is history.
Nice to see you checking in. Miss you around here, Genuine Girl. xxx Amy
FWIW, I like your new name better than your old name. Hopefully, in the near future you'll want to change it to LaughingAllTheTime or some such thing.
I have kept up with your thread, but the recent events have left me speechless. It's nice to see that you're getting back on your feet again and that you have a plan. Sucks, at the time, I know.
I am always flabbergasted when things happen in a synchronous manner, not matter how small or insignificant they are. I always look to the sky and count my blessings when I have my eyes open far enough to see it.
I am looking forward to the details of the trip that other people always seem to dread...finding a cat sitter, planning to pack and make arrangements, maybe even going to a tanning booth so I'm not fishbelly white when I get there.
I agree on the Understanding book and the comfort of understanding it really provides. Too bad they didn't all come with that manual when they were given to us in M. Oh well.
You should absolutely love Mexico. From one very unfortunate experience I had, I would highly recommend that no matter what confidence your travel agency portrays, Get A Confirmation Number from your resort.
Sleeping in a room above the downtown liquor store after the resort oversold rooms to various agencies who did not get confirmations per person was BAD. I don't recommend it. I do recommend the beautiful sandy beaches and cold drinks of your choice. I also suggest the parasailing as an "uplifting" experience you'll never forget, no matter how frightened some people are at first ... and a cold drink of your choice. If it is a resort offering a massage or other personal splurges, you earned one after the last couple years, maybe two!!
Never give the shadows in life the focus of your attention. If someone says I saw a roach in a public restroom, say "Eewww I'm sorry for you as that must have been horrible."
If someone says they spotted an exSomethingOrOther in a public place, say "Eewww I'm sorry for you as that must have been horrible" as you continue to enjoy a cold drink of your choice ... or a hot cup depending on the need.
Anyway, when I saw the picture this time, I just noted it with nostalgia and didn't feel anything negative or give it a lot of thought. My heart just kind of went, "Oh, how sweet", with no pain or anger. That was nice.
Now, all I have to do is come up with some dough. 
I can make it happen. I asked my boss for the days off today...and ironically I have just enough vacation time to do it. It just kinda fell in my lap. Hmmmm 
