Not sure if I am officially piecing yet....

[want2bmarried]

You are right and I know it. I just don't know why I keep falling back into this. do I respond to the latest text?

quote: Babe this is hard enough. I am not ready to go diving back into this. Im sorry. I love you but you need to be happy without me. I will be home if you want to talk later.

I haven't said anything back. Do I just ignore it?

[MariS]

want2be

You & I are in similar sitiuation. Glad you took Michelle's advice from the book (like I did) & had sex.

The problem is that you & I are on a different level all together than our WAHs. They are still confused with ALOT of their internal issues (demons) that no matter how much we want to help, cant. This is our LIMBO LAND and it is so very roller coaster - speed bumpy from day to day.

AAARRGGHHH, I absolutely hate it @ the same time being at piece w/it.

Next time your H says he doesn't want to dive back in, say you understand that he might feel things are going too fast & things are messing up, but that is not what you feel.

Gently suggest that you are okay with taking things at a slower pace.

You are sooo lucky that he said ILU AND not giving up.

Consider talking w/him later, but only if he initiates the meeting. I would not bring it up, becuase it could be thought of as pursuing.

My WAH-MLCer & I had our first sexual encounter about 2 weeks ago, then he went wiggy. Since then we have had 3 more encounters w/similar results.

Hold on for dear life, keep DBing, GALing & I will pray for both of us.

[MissH]

Just ignore it. Negative attention is just as good a positive attention. Don't give it to him.

[want2bmarried]

Maris....This just kills me. I don't mind waiting if there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am just so afraid that this is all a game to H and he really has no intentions of working this out. He literally freaks out when he thinks I have moved on, but yet pushes me away. He drove by my house last night when i didn't answer. Tells me he will kill me and whomever I am with, but yet won't make the move to reconcile. Is it just sex? Does he really mean he loves me and not giving up? Sure seems like he is.

[MariS]

Want2be,

Do you actually believe WAH's threats?

If so, then there is a huge concern & difference.

If you don't, then my thought is that he is "testing" you to see how you will react. If negative, then you are validating him & his thoughts about your R/M. If you remain calm/neutral then you have defused him & that is what if making him panic & flippy floppy. Your DBing is having a affect on him.

Like you, I too will wait it out for the light at the end of the tunnel & I understand your pain. I too am having the same fear & issue of handling my fear. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Remember, WE have to put ALL of our emotions, feeling, & questions on hold while in Limbo Land. This is our test of strength. It is NOT fair, but we have to in order to keep the baby steps going & the positives.

Sending you a big Hug!!!

Keep posting & journaling here as often as you need to.

[Just_Me]

w2bmarried,

I thought we discussed this already. Why are you having sex with him? Sex is fine, as long as you are also content with meaningless sex with him with no strings attached.

Why does he do this? Because he isn't committed to you, he just doesn't want anyone else to have you. He won't pull as far away this time because you almost got off the hook, but he won't commit either. He wants a booty call from someone that is entirely wrapped around his finger. I bet his friends and him have a good chuckle about the arrangement he has with you.

You've accepted this as your life. You take his crumbs and never force him to give you more. Know why? Because you are desperate for him, afraid of losing him, and he knows it. One or two words about how you might be seeing someone else or that he think you are moving on and you are quick to point out that there is no one else and you won't move on.

He WILL NEVER be the man you want and need as long as you are an enabler. You allow this to happen. Until you can actually stand on your own two feet, demand sex-free commitment from him, and show that you don't need him to have a decent life, he will use you for his doormat.

[Nextdejavu]

I have to say Ditto to the post by Just Me.

[want2bmarried]

I have to say ditto as well, even though its me. I am feeling really bad right now. To top it all off my kids knew he was here too, so I feel like a really bad mom.
I need to do some serious apologizing today to them.

Its so hard to break this cycle. I always have strength until he starts calling and then all of my resolve goes out the window. I find myself apologizing to him for so called ignoring him, or being busy, whatever. He is just so hypicritical. How do you want someone one minute and then not the next?

Once again starting all over again today. But I have guilt for my kids on top of the hurt now.

[Nextdejavu]

aww Hang in there gal. I bet the kids are just fine. I sure wouldn't be apologizing for anything right now. (imo) Maybe fire back at him...you walked out.. I'm not your concern any more, remember? Ok, I'm being rotten. But that might make your point! lol
Have you read that Catch him, keep him? I read that just recently, and its some fluff, but also some insight into how a man thinks. It is geared more toward dating, but I found the last chapters interesting. It says that men are in NO way attracted to women who show lack of confidence. It lowers our status in their eyes. Just some ideas

[want2bmarried]

Well, I just got the following text. I knew it was coming with the pattern:

I need my own space. I need to be bymyself. I need to sort out my life and decide what is best for me and my girls. I hope you can respect.

Oh, I am so mad. I AM SICK OF THIS!!! I finally sent some pissed off texts telling him how I feel, that he is a cruel liar, a game player and I don't deserve this. I told him to take all the space he needs and do what he needs to do and so will I!!!!!

He just sent one back:

Your wrong, it isn't a game. I do love you. I knew you wouldn't understand. You move on if thats what you need to do. Sorry things have to be this way. I won't bug you anymore.

I hope I stay this mad because right now I hope he falls off a cliff!!!