Awww Thank you Michelle! I did stop at the library this morning (very small town) and they did not have any of the books suggested. I will send out for them. This is turning out to be very interesting!
Next, just let me say, good for you to want a better marriage and be willing to work on you!
I had a lot of issues from childhood that I drug through life with me, stuffed down somewhere inside, and ignored them. Abandonment was a huge issue for me, right up to the point my H of 25 years is now XH?!
DR was the first book I read but it didn't help much because of all the abandonment issues. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing was next and that was the beginning of healing but too late for my marriage. I haven't seen my mom since I was 4 and my dad was not very involved until he remarried and decided I needed to live with him and my step-mother when I was in 6th grade. The abandonments continued from there and my dad was emotionally distant. I know I would have reacted to the locked in keys and husband almost identically to the way you did.
I have two other books I'll add to your list: The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz and Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel.
But, The Five Love Languages is probably the first. Learn what language your husband talks when he shares his love with you and I think that might give you a better understanding and ability to feel more appreciated.
You are sounding very good, and it looks like you are getting a good reading list. Maybe I should pick up a couple of those. 5LL I've read and it is excellent. It has a bit of a preachy religious tone that I could do without personally, but the content is excellent.
I'm still waiting to hear back about the results of my little assignment for you
I think I would get another key made for your car...even if it's just one that will unlock your door, maybe 2, and wrap it up for him, when he opens it, help him put it on his key ring, kiss and make up. Next time, if it ever happens again...it happened to me...Call him, tell him what happened, ask him if he thinks he could come to help you or if you should call a lock smith. That way, you are not making him guess what it is you want.
I have Emergency Roadside Assistance on my auto policy, I called a lock smith, the car was unlocked, I paid him and I was on my way in less than an hour. I was reimbursed by my agent within moments of walking into his office...Like a Good Neighbor...It works if you run out of gas, have a flat tire, just about anything when you're stranded on the side of the road...dead battery in my garage at home even...yes, that happened to me too
I think, the more you can do for yourself, the stronger you will feel. The stronger you are, the more attractive you will be, to yourself and to others
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Hi gals, thank you so much for your posts. I haven't gotten the nerve up yet, OldTimer, but I am working on it, I promise. I know in the last few years I have gotten much better at not letting him (father) bother me and letting everything go by, with him.
My H will state how much I mean to him, ect, but alot of times it just seems as though the actions dont' mirror the words. Maybe it is both of us. Things are pretty strong, and he is committed to being here. We have went through h*ll and back, but that was a long time ago. He consistently shows positive behavoirs... bought me a mini van recently, roses at our last anniversary (that never happened before). But when it comes to showing affection or closeness, mostly its not there. Why would this be? I would say 90% of the time I initiate any type of hugging, ect. Thanks!
Big issue between XH and myself. I am huggy / kissy and he is acts of service or words of affirmation. Very standoff in the physical closeness arena...I initiated almost every hug or kiss. Had I realized that before, I might have known how he felt he was saying "I love you" when he fixed the BBQ or made sure I knew he was going to be late.
Well I have been working on myself the last bit, and I have already noticed a small change in things. I did read the 'catch him, keep him' and found it very interesting. Some of it was fluffBS, but also some good stuff in there too, about how men think. Boy am I guilty of being unconfident and needy sometimes. I'm going to stop that. I REALLY got a kick out of the parts about nurturing, cooking, supporting, cleaning, that stuff not having any effect whatsoever on a man being attracted to you and sticking with you. Isn't that something? I always wondered why men wanted those... less than nice women! LOL
Next, that's interesting. I forgot which DVD set of Christian Carter I'm listening to but I just bought one. I, too, have found some of his comments very interesting, some of his how men think.
I'm not looking for anyone to catch but I guess I know I want to get an idea how XH might actually see the outcome of his one-sided decision. I even stated in court I did not agree the marriage was irreconciliable but, because of the way our state laws are written, I had no choice but to acquiesce to his unilateral decision it was such.
Oh well, it's funny I'm trying to do some of the very things he has talked about. My positive orientation before I go out the door, etc. If you get a chance to read The Mastery of Love, I think it pretty much says the same types of things but it doesn't go into the way that can affect the other gender.
Good luck to you. I love to see success stories -- divorce busted -- but I haven't seen a lot of them here.
Quote: I love to see success stories -- divorce busted -- but I haven't seen a lot of them here.
I did see at least 6 or 7 that I can remember off hand while I was in Piecing. Plus some others I read about at the time I was going through my divorce. It was always great to read.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
